Need some advice

Kaboomboomboomboom · 2018-10-20T18:23:40+00:00

I‘m not sure if what I will say will help you, because it is only from my experience. I was at my most emotional in the shittiest relationship I had, which also was my first one. As I grew up, I dealt with my emotions more maturely. Beyond that, my most emotional times are when I am unhappy and there is something wrong in my life — bad boyfriend, things in my career going south, etc. As I got out of bad situations things went back to normal again. Maybe there is something underlying in your case, too.

raeonmon · 2018-10-20T22:55:31+00:00

I would urge you to look into CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy) especially REBT (rational emotive behavior therapy). I'm not telling you that you need to see a therapist, but if you research it and some of its methods you can employ them for yourself (especially since this is a mild thing). CBT is based on the following principles

Cognitive activity affects behavior;
Cognitive activity may be monitored and altered; and
Desired behavior change may be effected through cognitive change.

Personally, I have tried to use this in my own life especially when I'm feeling overemotional. REBT in particular has radically helped me deal with my emotions. I have felt like you before! I once told my husband that I feel crazy because my moods are so volatile. Here's an example of how I've used it in my life.

Using your example of receiving a tip on dinner and then emotionally spiraling (I've had this happen to me as well).

Correct identification of your irrational belief
-- You're boyfriend gave you a tip on how to make dinner better. You are upset because you now believe that your cooking is bad/or that your boyfriend doesn't like your cooking. These are your irrational beliefs. This places the responsibility of your feelings on an external factor aka your boyfriend or your skill. BUT, the problem is actually your perception of his comment. This is great! This means that you can change the way you are feeling about the comment.
Challenge your irrational belief
-- Did your boyfriend explicitly state that he did not like dinner? No? Then the above is not true. Think to yourself all the times your boyfriend complimented your cooking. Think about times where others may have complimented your cooking, or times where YOU really liked the dinner you made. Prove to yourself the above is not true.
Apply your newfound arguments to your feelings
-- You now know that your boyfriend, indeed, DOES like your cooking and that you are good at it! Great! Hopefully you're feeling better. Now is the time to think about what was really meant. Maybe your boyfriend was eating dinner and thought this is great, but I bet it would be even better with this. I should tell girlfriend so she can be an even better cook. Is this the thought process of someone who dislikes your cooking? No. He was trying to be helpful! This is what men do. They want to be needed and they want to give solutions.

Every time you start to feel yourself become emotional/start spiraling, stop and think about what you are actually responding to. Often, that pause and subsequent critical thinking about your thought processes is enough to help you stop your irrational emotions.

stercorisdomina · 2018-10-20T21:35:05+00:00

I would go get a blood panel - I’ve had periods like this in my life and it usually coincides with some hormonal imbalance. Maybe your birth control is messing with you, maybe something in your diet. I’ve also found that acupuncture can be great for helping with emotional management.

loneliness-inc · 2018-10-20T23:44:12+00:00

Getting emotional isn't the problem, what you do afterwards is.

Men expect you to be emotional because it's in your nature. Men also tend to be more forgiving than women. It's okay, he'll be okay with you being emotional.

What he won't be okay with is...

If you make as if you never had an outburst
If you don't do something to make it up to him after you hurt him
IF your outbursts aren't within the context of deep appreciation for all that he does for you
IF your outbursts come on top of you not believing in him to begin with
IF you never take responsibility for messing up

0ween0 · 2018-10-22T04:43:43+00:00

I’ve struggled with insecurities my whole life. I’m trying to become a more positive person in general and I feel like that starts with self love. I always think of the airplane mask analogy, in an emergency you have to put your mask on before you can help others with their’s. I usually put all my focus into helping others and making sure they know how much I care about them, but it’s difficult for me to care for and appreciate myself. People always tell me to look at myself in the mirror and say something positive such as “you’re beautiful” and “you matter”. I think this is a great idea but I have a hard time doing it. I was wondering if anyone had advice or tips for becoming more self appreciative/what has worked for them in the past?

suzannehatton · 2018-10-20T20:01:57+00:00

I agree with Kaboomboomboomboom it sounds like there is something underlying. Are you happy with things in your life?

Title	Need some advice
Author	sw167947
Upvotes	23
Comments	17
Date	October 20, 2018 4:19 PM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/9pvet4/need_some_advice/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/need-some-advice.67732 https://theredarchive.com/post/67732

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