FDS for a 34 year-old virgin. What to say and not to say?

Mermaid-Secrets · 2020-04-11T00:53:15+00:00

I grew up Christian and I’m still involved in my church. I Kissed Dating Goodbye was required reading in my homeschooling. I’m 23 and a virgin also, only dated one guy for two months so I’m not one to give advice. But I think you’re doing it right!

You seem confident, you know your worth and value. Don’t settle, and don’t think you have a timeline to meet.

If it was me, I wouldn’t bring up being a virgin. There’s nothing wrong it, but it’s engrained in the culture that’s it bad. Men would think there’s something wrong with me, or I’m lying, or it’s a new conquest for them just to steal my virginity.

But you have every right to stand your ground on no sex before marriage. It’s a standard that’s important to you and it is to some men also.

Don’t get discouraged. Remember that you are a whole, talented, smart, accomplished, powerful, beautiful woman on your own. No man is going to change that, but he would definitely be lucky to get to be in your life.

_linay · 2020-04-10T23:51:46+00:00

I grew up Christian however I no longer practice because I’m no longer interested in having my choices dictated. Nonetheless, perhaps try visiting other churches in your sector? Growing up in church was tough for me but the youth were encouraged to visit other churches with similar values and join activities with like minded people. If virginity is a big deal to you, you should definitely date someone that understands this. A secular man will find this foreign and more than likely not understand why this is so important to you. They might comply but will not understand its significance to you and how the decision is a deep a personal decision for you. Some may be predatory and see this as as a challenge. Keep your sexual history to yourself. I believe this is discussed in the handbook. This is why I suggest you try and date like minded men who by default will also want to wait till marriage.

ninetiesbaby16 · 2020-04-11T07:06:48+00:00

Congratulations on your weight loss and self love journey, you look amazing ♥️

I’m waiting for marriage as well so have struggled with the question of whether to divulge or not. From experience, telling men I’m a virgin only opened me up to the most degrading assaults on my dignity I’ve ever experienced. It’s inherently a “saucy” and intimate subject to men, so it opens the door for men to feel entitled to now ask you and talk about anything degrading. Usually they then say things like they need to try before they buy, or ask you if you masturbate and watch porn etc. it’s disgusting and disheartening...

So I’m a big believer in show, don’t tell. They should be able to intuit that you’re the type of woman that wants to wait, from the way you conduct yourself and the fact you’re spiritual and pray and go to church. So bring up your religious beliefs early and that you’re dating seriously with the intention of marriage, and a good man with emotional intelligence should be able to put two and two together and treat you accordingly. If they then ask you sO DoEs tHaT meAN nO sEx? or So HoW fAR cAn We gO tHeN? They are complete degenerates with the emotional intelliengence and manners of a sock and you should ghost them immediately. Of course once you’re closer to actually getting married you could bring it up with him if you’re comfortable.

ethnicallyabiguous · 2020-04-11T15:17:10+00:00

Sister I hear you. I have a cousin whom I speak with daily about this same thing. She has been praying diligently for her Black Christian husband for a while now. But, we live in Atlanta where they say the ratio of men to women is disproportionate and in favor of men. There is a male arrogance because that knowledge breeds LVMs.

But, to find a Christian Husband as well??!?!?!?!

You can’t help but to feel it is slim pickings out here. Also it sucks when you see other people who are less Christian than you are find their HVM. You did all the right things after all. Why hasn’t God came through for you yet? The truth is you have to put your money where your mouth is in regards to your relationship with God. Either you believe he is your provider or not. If you’re going to doubt just a little bit then you may as well give up a relationship with God altogether. The thing is he promises you that if you seek him first all the other things will be added unto you.

The only thing God asks of you is a relationship. Draw close to him. He wants to be your safety. He wants to be generous with you. He wants any man that comes into your life to be an addition to the relationship you and he have first. If you can’t rest in God and that relationship first than you will be a hypocrite. And if you can’t respect you than men sure won’t.

When you have a real relationship with God, where you feel loved and accepted, you can make the best decisions about when to bring up your choice in celibacy.

Do you know when that relationship with God gets real? When you sin or don’t perform in a perfect manner. When you see clearly that you are perfection by no other means than God’s gift of his son to you. Then you get to rest in the daughter-ship and queendom that is inherently in you. Then you are no longer looking for the prince out there. You found it in God.

But consider yourself a child in the back seat of a car, on a long journey. There is nothing you can do to shorten the journey. It’s gonna take a while and you are gonna get antsy. So ask god to give you something to do in the meantime. For me it was traveling. None of my friends that were married with young kids could travel as freely as I could. Volunteer, do what the handbook says and get as many hobbies and friends as you can fit. Date for sure, but don’t sweat the process. You will get there.

Title	FDS for a 34 year-old virgin. What to say and not to say?
Author	CuteExample
Upvotes	38
Comments	5
Date	April 10, 2020 7:52 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/fynbgl/fds_for_a_34_yearold_virgin_what_to_say_and_not/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/fds-for-a-34-year-old-virgin-what-to-say-and-not.678604 https://theredarchive.com/post/678604

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