Marrying a man that I love but my parents don't approve of?

teaandtalk · 2018-12-27T10:45:43+00:00

There are likely to be more variables at play than you've mentioned. How old are you two? What are the differences between the cultures? Have they approved of your other partners? Are you otherwise a stable adult that they would believe is ready for marriage?

My dad always told me not to marry a ______ man (omitted because it's unimportant). It's not that he thought men of that culture aren't decent human beings, but he (rightfully) believed that most of them wouldn't be acceptable marriage partners for someone from my culture, because of fundamental differences in values. And I've seen lots of those marriages fail for those reasons.

PS what is his extreme sexual fetish??? I am super curious.

throwawaybpdnpd · 2018-12-27T16:57:18+00:00

So basically.... you’re looking for validation from your parents.

The real question is, can you keep going without having that said validation from them?

Because you may never get it

[deleted] · 2018-12-28T05:07:24+00:00

Some advice from a man who went through this with an ex-girlfriend for literal years before finally seeing the light and moving on:

You essentially have three choices here.

The first choice is to do nothing. This will eventually alienate your boyfriend and strain your relationship. A lot of times, this type of thing ends the relationship entirely. Even when it doesn't, it creates an angst-y feeling at every family gathering and function, where he doesn't feel welcome and they don't feel comfortable because he isn't "one of them". Speaking from experience, I absolutely hated every birthday, anniversary, father's day, mother's day, dinner, and family function I ever attended. I never felt like I belonged, and I'm sure her family felt much the same way.

The second choice is to dump a great man because your parents don't approve. You may or may not find a better man. He may or may not be from the same culture. Your parents may or may not approve of the next man, even if he's better and from the same culture. In my estimation, that's an awful lot of "may or may not" when you're already pretty happy. Using my ex as an example, she and I "dated" until she was in her late 20s. When we broke up, it took her a few more years to find someone and marry him, and by that time she found out she was unable to have children because she was too far along in age. That's a really tough spot to be in. I don't know your age and whatever else, but just remember that it takes time to find good men, and you never know how much time it may be.

The third choice, and my personal recommendation, is to tell your parents to mind their own business. Basically, you have to tell them that it's your life, he's the person you'll be sharing it with, and if they don't approve, you just won't come around anymore. The types of parents who will disapprove of the person you date are also the types of parents that won't listen to kind and soft words, so sometimes you really have to put your foot down with them during this conversation. Obviously you'll want to wait until you have some form of commitment before bringing it up, because if you stand up for this guy at that level and then he bails for a stewardess, it's going to be incredibly awkward.

Having lived through this situation in the past, my advice is to not even bring him around your family until you have some level of commitment from him, and then shortly after you do, lay down the law with them and make sure they understand who you will choose in a potential conflict. For me personally, not a day went by where I didn't want to tell her family to leave me the fuck alone and never come around anymore. But, she loved them too and it wasn't my place to get involved. I always hoped she would stand up for our relationship, but she never did and I ended up dumping her because of it. Not saying you're in the same situation, but I know how parents are, and they get really pushy about stuff like this. If you're going to stand up for him, do it all the way. Otherwise do the guy a favor and cut him loose now.

Zegiknie · 2018-12-27T10:40:57+00:00

They are just close minded. Cultural differences can pose problems, but it's pretty clear to you after 3 years that they don't. Their disapproval might cause some stress, so if they never come around, consider moving further away from them.

tromix1 · 2018-12-27T13:36:31+00:00

Going against the grain here as a guy; Others can often see problems with people that you cannot. You are invested in this person, and you cant objectively view negatives, because you will often dismiss them as unimportant.

Reading through your responses; you are looking for someone to validate your feeling that this should work and the ones who love/care about you are wrong. You paint them as overbearing and hateful by intentionally being vague and using "evening dining times & hobbies" as their reason for hating this guy.

Meanwhile you list these as the reasons that you work so wonderfully;

ability to watch TV together

(a non verbal act, that doesnt involve eachother)

discuss politics together

(similar politics is super rare I guess...)

you're both artistic

(good thing no one else in the world is artistic)

you have similar humor

(you both know how to laugh at funny things...)

joke around together

(refer back to the last point)

share our hobbies with each other

(thats to be expected in any normal relationship)

he's dominant

(not a rare trait)

I'm submissive

(also not rare)

So really your parents see something in him they dont like, and you dont like that. You admit your relationship has been rocky and on/off again, but you come back because you have a fetish that gets you off, and the dissimilar culture aspect is a subconscious taboo for you.

Not a real great foundation of a marriage worthy relationship

somegirls · 2018-12-27T14:11:24+00:00

Fuck them. Are you really going to let two other people tell you how to live your life and what makes you happy?

Title	Marrying a man that I love but my parents don't approve of?
Author	cuspids
Upvotes	29
Comments	35
Date	December 27, 2018 10:11 AM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/a9y1gz/marrying_a_man_that_i_love_but_my_parents_dont/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/marrying-a-man-that-i-love-but-my-parents-dont.68014 https://theredarchive.com/post/68014

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