Boyfriend(25M) wants me (24F) to drop one of my best friends (22M) :/

aclumsygirl · 2020-03-13T01:10:34+00:00

"Well, my boyfriend claims that my friend has a crush on me"

I hate to say it, but your boyfriend is probably right.

"and wants me to stop hanging out with him"

Which is at least a little understandable. If your bf was hanging out a lot alone with a girl who you thought had a crush on him, how would you feel? How would you feel if your bf brushed off your discomfort and announced he was doing it anyway? I know I wouldn't like it and it would definitely affect the relationship.

You don't have to give your friend up entirely, just make some adjustments. A possible compromise is you and your bf hanging out with your friend together.

ames0630 · 2020-03-13T02:47:37+00:00

I can see both sides here which doesnt help, but hopefully validates your conundrum.

For one, it's hard to sign off on a SO spending frequenty one-on-one QT with a friend of the opposite sex. One of the earlier commenters was spot on the advice in this capacity so listen to them.

Then again, I can totally relate to wanting to preserve access to the unicorn-esk "chill and relaxing auras". Especially during rocky times. (I'm in my mid 30s and can count the number of friends who've hit this level for me on one hand.)

I'm wondering though, does your SO contribute to a calming vibe/environment for you (both)? If not, that's definitely something to be wary of.

cherryblossomcutie · 2020-03-13T01:17:12+00:00

Stop being a therapist to your friends. They need their own, professional therapists that they pay.

Your boyfriend making you cut off your best friend could be the start of him isolating you. Once you cut off someone off for him, especially a best friend, he’ll know he can ask you to cut off whoever. Maybe he’ll even start asking you cut off certain family members. Would he cut off someone important to him for you?

Has he ever gone to therapy? How is he being a good boyfriend if you’re in a fragile state right now and he’s putting pressure on you, to fix HIS insecurities. A HVM would work on themselves instead of burdening everyone else with an issue that only affects him. He sounds selfish.

ETA: friend breakups can have as much as an emotional toll as romantic breakups. He’s asking you to further risk your health for something minor.

Why ending a friendship can be worse than a breakup

sushimeup · 2020-03-13T01:27:57+00:00

The concern isn’t about your male best friend. It’s about your insecure boyfriend. If you’ve clearly defined that your male best friend is just that, a male best friend, him telling you to drop your male best friend is disrespectful. That means he doesn’t trust your words.

Now, actions is the other thing. If you’re keeping it platonic, that’s you respecting your boyfriend and the relationship. He cannot control your friend’s actions, but he thinks he can with you. There’s a difference with expressing his feelings on the matter but literally telling you drop your friend is a NO.

Don’t let him sis. This is controlling behavior.

And it’s unreasonable for you to drop your male friend because of your boyfriend’s insecurities. However, it may be that your male friend likes you but if your boundaries are there and he respects you, then that’s that. Until your male best friend makes advances towards you, then I’d say take action on that and either confront your male best friend and define the friendship or hang out with him less.

Title	Boyfriend(25M) wants me (24F) to drop one of my best friends (22M) :/
Author	cherryblossomcutie
Upvotes	9
Comments	13
Date	March 13, 2020 12:55 AM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/fhr6lm/boyfriend25m_wants_me_24f_to_drop_one_of_my_best/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/boyfriend25m-wants-me-24f-to-drop-one-of-my-best.680323 https://theredarchive.com/post/680323

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