I am just so sick of dating, but I am also so lonely it’s crippling. Does anyone else feel this way?

curlygirl507 · 2020-03-01T04:11:08+00:00

I think you should seek treatment for your depression, try to make new friends by going to some events close by, and learn to appreciate your own company. 💜

cirrus_cloud · 2020-03-01T07:28:48+00:00

I was exactly in your head space at the beginning of 2020. Here’s what you can do to eliminate the negativity and manifest Queen energy:

1) Go to therapy. DO NOT skimp on taking care of your mental health. I can see you have a lot of negative perceptions of the world in your post. Not only will this negative thinking push good things away from you in life, it will also push potential new relationships away too (both romantic and friendly). I can confidently say I’m 90% back to my normal, positive self after just 2 months of therapy. It. Works.

2) Take a break from dating. Seriously. You sound burnt out, and like you’re not enjoying the dates at all. When you’re in a negative headspace, OLD can become a sort of coping mechanism or “fix” to distract you from the pain you’re feeling. True connection and love has no way to exist when you’re in that head space anyway.

3) Create or focus on a new passion. I’ve taken up singing lessons this year and just joined a small band! Often, our obsession with finding a man or online dating is just a distraction from ourselves and our goals. Refocus that energy on yourself and it’s INCREDIBLE the level of joy and true satisfaction you can find. I’m not kidding you, doing this has helped me heal an incredible amount and eliminate much of my depressive tendencies.

4) Read more FDS and realize that you are a badass bitch. Being alone DOES NOT mean that you’re lonely my dear. Use this time as an opportunity to go deeper with yourself and truly find the Queen that is dying to be set free within you ❤️

2020-03-01T05:47:32+00:00

if you are in a low point mental health wise i think you should step away from dating fora period until you are back on track. do whatever it is you do to get yourself back on track when your depression is hard to manage, whether that is adjusting your meds, speaking to your therapist more frequently, any self care you do for yourself. i do hope you have access to medication and/or therapy?

also OLD is just full of trainwrecks. i would also recommend getting out of the house and living your life. look for interesting things to do - go see a play, go to the museum, go to a gallery opening, a board game night at a bar. most cities have some kind of publication that lists upcoming events, look for something that appeals to you and go. have fun, talk to people. you are far more likely to meet someone interesting out in the world, because HVM are also out in the world living their lives.

OLD is for creep losers who have no hobbies/interests/social skills. if they did, they’d be out in the world living life, not sending perverted messages to women on dating apps.

ironymaiden87 · 2020-03-01T10:47:21+00:00

So in 2017 I broke up with a terrible person I was in a serious relationship with. After that I felt mostly good, there were hard days where I felt very lonely (we had lived together for 3 years), but I knew I'd made the right decision.

Six months later, in 2018, I got back in touch with an old FWB/ex and he was handy for a bit of a self-esteem boost. Then I started fooling around with another friend as well. Then I tried a dating app and started dating someone. He seemed to want to get too serious too quickly and it ended badly. THEN this friend I'd always had feelings for started hitting on me and that turned into a Whole Thing that lasted 8 months and fucked me up really badly.

Then 2019 started and I was in the exact same boat you are in now for the entire year. I didn't sleep with anyone because I had cut ties with all four of the aforementioned shit guys I was seeing but I was totally heartbroken and devastated over the last one. I couldn't understand why he'd messed me around the way he did, especially given how close we had been for an entire decade of our lives. Honestly I don't know how I got through it, it was easily one of the worst years of my life. I started seeing a therapist, started going to a gym and swimming (I had gained a lot of weight during my last LTR and that was bringing me down too), I switched to new meds but I was still depressed. It really felt like nothing was working.

Then 2020 started. I found FDS and for real this shit changed my life. I woke the fuck up and realized I'd been dealing with a bunch of screwed up LVMs, especially the one that broke my heart. I have continued with therapy and it has been really helpful (albeit insanely expensive). I have continued with swimming and have dropped three dress sizes. I don't bother with dating apps and I don't even care about being single anymore. I don't spend too much time with friends who are boy-crazy pickmeishas. As of July 2020 I will have been single for three years and I don't give a flying fuck. (The LVMs from 2018 don't count).

What I want you to take away from this long winded story is that it IS possible to change your mindset and get better. Honestly I thought how I felt in 2019 would last forever. I thought I would NEVER get over that guy. But I did.

My strongest advice for you is to do things for yourself. Find something you love to do and dedicate time to it every day. Even better if it accomplishes something tangible and helps you level up. Talk to your doctor about meds, and if it's really bad ask them to refer you to a psychiatrist, and also ask them to point you in the direction of some good therapists. Like meds, you may need to try more than one before you find the right one. Physical exercise is also vital for mental health. It might sound silly but a skincare regime can help too, and just taking care of your body and learning to love it can feel like a huge accomplishment since society wants us to hate our bodies.

Do NOT bother with dating apps. What has helped me the most is staying off those and adopting the attitude of "if the right person comes along then fine, but if not, I'm going to be more than fine by myself". From the sounds of it you need a break from dating to get yourself back into a positive headspace, because honestly you won't attract good people when you're in a bad place. Trying to get validation from cheap men will only harm you in the long run. I really hope everything starts to improve for you soon. ❤

spicybookmaster · 2020-03-01T20:30:55+00:00

You’re not alone! While my depression isn’t at a high right now, I do sometimes get down with being lonely. My friends and family live a ways away so it’s just me and my two dogs alone in my apartment in a dinky small town. I talk to my dogs way more than I should but when I feel lonely, I also call my mom or grandma, play video games, or watch TV/movie. Right now, my goal is to get back into designing so I can find a new career. Hopefully that will take my mind off things.

OLD is horrendous and has gotten boring because it leads to almost nothing positive. I check every once in awhile but I’m not actively putting in effort into something that isn’t resulting in anything of value.

A call/FaceTime with a friend or family member
A pet (even a fish) is helpful and comforting
One new hobby/focus. I want to do a lot of stuff but I end up not doing it because my lost is so long.
A short walk outside
Crying
Takeout/wine/movie night
Take work/computer and sit at a coffee shop. Makes you feel less lonely.

These are some things I like to do when I’m feeling lonely. Granted, I would do way more if I lived closer to things but I don’t, so have to make do lol.

Title	I am just so sick of dating, but I am also so lonely it’s crippling. Does anyone else feel this way?
Author	chaosandpayoffs
Upvotes	46
Comments	8
Date	February 29, 2020 6:46 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/fbh0jw/i_am_just_so_sick_of_dating_but_i_am_also_so/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/i-am-just-so-sick-of-dating-but-i-am-also-so.681221 https://theredarchive.com/post/681221

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