“Can you be a HWV and like non-vanilla sex, or will that always make men see you as low value, no matter how long you wait to reveal the information?”

wildcardwitch · 2020-02-22T22:15:07+00:00

I think kinky needs to be defined for this specific context because it's a blanket term for a lot of different sex acts and ideas. Anything harmful or degrading is an absolute no. It devalues you, and shows a man to devalue you. Our brains are what we think, so doing certain acts can and will actually change how you think about something.

Sex should be three things. Pleasurable, worshipful, and secure. There's plenty of room in there for exciting, fresh, and daring sex. If a man thinks you're to sensual or too into sex, get rid of him.

TheOGJammies · 2020-02-22T20:05:16+00:00

Being a HVW mainly has to do with having and commanding respect for yourself and your body.

The circumstances in which men will not violate or reduce their respect in the way they treat you once you introduce them to kinky and degrading sex are paper thin to the point where the answer is probably no.

So it’s not that you cease to be a HVW, it’s that men will likely cease to treat you like a HVW because so many have Madonna/whore complexes and insecurities, in addition to control issues.

Sexualizing degradation of your body is pretty likely to bleed outside the bedroom in the way he treats you. How will you handle that?

2020-02-22T19:17:04+00:00

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pinkyberries · 2020-02-22T19:32:34+00:00

Degrading sex isn't about being HV or not, it's about a trauma (mostly) and less about the fun. Don't let men convince you to try it out.

MadeOfStars888 · 2020-02-22T19:21:56+00:00

Sexual openness is a threat to men’s security in a woman’s faithfulness. That’s biological, unfortunately. They figure a woman who loves sex and is open to it is more of a flight/cheating risk than a very submissive, less sexual woman. But I do believe (or at least hope!!!) that when you can communicate and ensure them of your trustworthiness that you can (as a sexual, independent woman) have your kink and a relationship where you’re highly valued, too! ;-)

butterflymeadowzz · 2020-02-22T19:19:50+00:00

Hmmm, asked on here too

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