Keep it simple

persephones_torch · 2020-02-03T04:29:05+00:00

Exactly. They all have expiry dates. Once the respect stops... that's your expiry date. Time to go.

azngirl7689 · 2020-02-03T04:02:51+00:00

Not all relationships are meant to last.

FDSdisciple · 2020-02-03T11:37:42+00:00

Flush the toilet

topumasum · 2020-02-03T17:35:49+00:00

Its trauma bonding...it is difficult...

galian84 · 2020-02-03T13:38:45+00:00

Sad to say, but this was me during my last two relationships, even when I was unhappy.

I feel 100x better now that they're both out of my life!

freerollerskates · 2020-02-03T22:08:03+00:00

I am trying to position myself to get divorced, so I have some thoughts about this. The main reason for me not getting divorced yet is a financial one. Part of the abuse of my marriage is that my husband has pretty much sucked any financial independence from me. I had some inheritance which he considered to be "our" money, but his money is entirely his. I have debts from taking care of his expenses. I have poured so much money into my house (not to mention time and effort on maintaining it and designing improvements to my taste and standard) that I don't want to lose my investment. Of course, a decent divorce lawyer could make sure I get the house, which leads me to issue number two, my kid.

I don't want my kid to grow up in a house where his mother is constantly depressed, crying, walking on eggshells and apologising. I also don't want his father (who would if he is not carefully managed) to twist the situation so that I am painted as a horrible person who has ruined everything and financially crippled him etc.

There's also the issue of actually having to hurt someone. It's relatively easy to say "don't talk to me I want to break up" if bad behaviour is happening right now, but in my case the ~~bad behaviour~~ out and out abuse happened over 12 months ago. What I have now is detente, and basic civility, which compared to rock bottom feels marginally pleasant, but the absence of sadness is not happiness. That being said, it is objectively hard to turn around and say "it's over" when the response is "I thought we were doing better?!".

There is also the still existing social stigma in ending long term relationships, especially marriages. Your parents and friends might consider that you've "thrown everything away" or that "you made vows", or even that you haven't really tried, because you didn't go to marriage counselling or whatever (even if you asked and asked and had it refused every time). Nobody questioned me when I said I was getting married. Everyone was too excited to wear fancy clothes and have a party, but maybe they should have done, because it was a bad decision that looking back now I knew I should not have made. It's hard to look people in the face and say you're leaving, or even worse that you're throwing someone out. I have to do it, for my long term happiness, and for my sanity, but this is literally the hardest thing I have ever had to do.

Title	Keep it simple
Author	trula26
Upvotes	564
Comments	8
Date	February 3, 2020 1:50 AM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/exzc54/keep_it_simple/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/keep-it-simple.683407 https://theredarchive.com/post/683407

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