Please help me understand what gaslighting is. I may be currently be experiencing it.

Cocksmasher69 · 2019-10-03T15:46:46+00:00

Gaslighting is when an abuser tries to make you feel like your concerns aren't valid by dismissing them, making you question your own sanity, and acting like something you know happened actually didn't happen or didn't happen the way you thought it did. This is to make you question yourself and rely on the abuser more, because apparently you don't know what you're talking about. The fact that you "feel crazy" is not accidental. That is the intended result of gaslighting. The reason abuse is so effective is because you don't realize it's happening. More women would leave if they did.

I would have to get more info on the situation. But based on what you've written, he's gaslighting you. Abusers don't seem like abusers at first, that's how they trap their victims. Once they feel their victim has let their guard down enough or that they're dependent on them, the abuse starts. Gaslighting is just one way for an abuser to make you let your guard down. Women, TRUST YOUR INSTINCTS. If something feels off, that's because it is. Don't let males convince you you're being irrational or unreasonable because you're trusting your goddess-given intuition, that's what it's there for. Leave.

EDIT: I wanted to add that women are never taught these things. It may be on purpose, it may be accidental, but I have a feeling it's not accidental. Once you know what to look for, it becomes so obvious. That doesn't mean you can let your guard down because you think you know what every instance of abuse ever looks like, because abusers are very good at coming up with new tactics to facilitate their abuse. But I don't want any woman reading this to feel like it's hopeless for us. The men doing these things are abundant but knowledge truly is power.

pandapanda8 · 2019-10-03T16:52:33+00:00

Run! You’re being gaslighted. Biggest clue to me is you end up feeling like a “crazy person.” Just walk out now.

Khat_Force_1 · 2019-10-03T17:13:13+00:00

Ladies, anyone who makes you doubt yourself or makes you feel like shit isn't a good person to be with or around. Ghost them and move on.

ino_y · 2019-10-03T16:09:08+00:00

Rule #1

If someone is making you feel like shit, you don't need to diagnose what or why, or delve into their traumas and fix them. Simply GTFO and protect yourself. Figure it out from a safe distance if you really must.

But that doesn't seem like gaslighting, more like "character defect" (Books - In Sheep's Clothing and Character Defect)

Character defects can't be fixed by you, get out.

Gaslighting can only be done with a straight face by a very disordered person, where they have a feeling, that feeling leads to their reality, and they are convinced that what they imagined, is real. They then argue complete nonsense as if it were real. For example something happened when it didn't. "You said this, you did this, I didn't do xyz" when you are certain you didnt, or you're looking right at them when they did it. Or - they feel paranoid and suspicious, therefore you are cheating, and they order you to "prove" you're not. Can't be done.

It makes you feel crazy because you're living in reality, they're trying to drag you into a fantasy.

You probably feel frustrated and unheard, because he's not arguing in good faith, or with the intent to understand or solve the problem, merely to "win".

cridhebriste · 2019-10-05T11:51:24+00:00

You were ‘lovebombed’ and groomed the first few months - that was to make you feel special and secure and to trust them. research those terms. There are others. Learn them.

It was so damn lovely at first. Now you are misunderstanding what they said or meant. You are forgetting what really happened. You are misremembering the events. You are projecting your perspective and not dealing with reality. You are getting a little paranoid and not trusting him. You are confused. You aren’t really listening...

You are being set up to stop trusting your perception and to doubt yourself and feel unstable so that you bond to them. Trusting them more than you trust yourself. Everything’s fine for a little while and then it’s not and somehow... somehow that’s YOUR fault.

So you try harder to remember, you make more of an effort to reassure them and double check yourself. That takes energy and effort and you do start forgetting other things and you do get tired and stressed and irritated and the anxiety builds up...then he says or does something- usually in public - and you snap. You overreact. And there are witnesses and he acts concerned and victimized. There’s silent treatment and you have to make it up to him. You have to explain to or avoid the witnesses. This becomes a cycle. This is pathological abuse. And it starts out so damn lovely.

Ok-I’m projecting and expanding...

No- I am warning you. Shortening your learning curve. Saving you from learning the hard way for months and years. Helping you retain who you really are and your capability to have a reciprocal relationship with someone else. And not end up like me. Welcome to Hell- here’s the knowledge escape hatch. Use it. Now.

Title	Please help me understand what gaslighting is. I may be currently be experiencing it.
Author	notgoodatthiseither
Upvotes	27
Comments	15
Date	October 3, 2019 3:25 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/dcsfav/please_help_me_understand_what_gaslighting_is_i/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/please-help-me-understand-what-gaslighting-is-i.690318 https://theredarchive.com/post/690318

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