How do I stop getting crushes on strangers?

hvg1989 · 2020-03-15T11:09:28+00:00

It’s normal and very human to be attracted to different people, and even picturing you two together is harmless whilst it’s just in your mind - but it’s good to be aware of what they are: “fantasies” and not let those thoughts blindside you when properly vetting new romantic interests and not letting the fantasy romantic image be so strong that you start to ignore red flags or giving them the benefit of the doubt.

Top-Babybear · 2020-03-15T13:38:54+00:00

Maybe you're developing crushes on strangers because they haven't had a chance to disappoint you, and they likely never will because you know nothing will come of it. It's safe to fantasize.

circescircus · 2020-03-15T13:40:03+00:00

When I was in my early 20s, I was prone to fantasies. I had little life experience, no experience with men at all, and I just made up fantasies in my head because I simply didn't know any better. I had a strong self-preservation instinct though, and checked myself and my fantasies, because I knew on an instinctive level that fantasies are dangerous.

As I approached my mid-20s, and definitely by my late 20s, I became way more pragmatic and rational. This came with gaining life experience, understanding myself better, increasing my self-awareness and observational skills.

As long as you keep your fantasies as fantasies, you'll be fine. Just don't act on fantasies. Never fantasize about someone and make up this whole thing in your head. Be tethered to reality.

I think introverts in particular can be prone to fantasies, because they live in their heads so often. It's really not a problem as long as you are not acting on your fantasies. It's okay to have a crush, just don't do foolish things based on those fantasies.

2020-03-15T11:44:43+00:00

I am guilty of this as well. 😭

FodderFigureIllushun · 2020-03-15T15:00:37+00:00

I think you're physically attracted to him and you're missing that up in your mind with having feelings. You're recognizing that it's just a crush and you don't really know this stranger. That's a good thing!

Allow yourself to have this crush but keep reminding yourself that it's just because you like his face. You don't know if he's a good person, if he'd be attracted to you, or if he's already involved in another relationship.

In the meantime, improve yourself and develop a crush on you. The more you focus inwardly, the more attractive you'll be to others.

cannedboelyn · 2020-03-15T16:14:19+00:00

Sounds like you’re just self projecting on him

2020-03-15T17:22:18+00:00

Here's what I do.

Acknowledge that if I'm attracted it's probably for a biological reason based on looksm. Remind myself that that doesn't mean that they are a good person. Allow myself to find them cute.

I never make the first move so if they don't initiate contact after a while, I lose interest anyway.

In the past I would try and orchestrate a way I could talk to them, you know in case they wanted to ask me out but we're too shy to approach me 🤡

I don't do that now, as it has literally never worked. I would just get guys who would flirt but never ask me out, waste my time.

He could have a girlfriend. I went to a wedding recently and a guy who was cute kept checking me out, kept catching him staring. He was with a girl the whole time and later I saw them kiss.

What helped me most was leaving the ball in their court and not making opportunity for them. I before have made a point to show up where I knew a guy would be thinking "he flirts so much and hints so much there's no way he's not gonna ask me out. See even my friends have picked up that he's into me." But then feeling weird after showing up somewhere, not even having that much fun, and then the guy continuing to flirt and try to get attention but never asking me out.

Usually at this point something slips and I find out he lives at home or something and then I'm no longer interested.

But basically, don't chase and don't try to stir up anything.

Title	How do I stop getting crushes on strangers?
Author	YoSabina
Upvotes	22
Comments	12
Date	March 15, 2020 10:32 AM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/fizf1e/how_do_i_stop_getting_crushes_on_strangers/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/how-do-i-stop-getting-crushes-on-strangers.693168 https://theredarchive.com/post/693168

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