Recently started dating again (I explain why I'm dating during COVID-19 in post), and I'm having trouble narrowing guys down. Besides being kind, handsome, and having a good job, what do you look for?

crazycraftylady · 2020-07-10T21:45:21+00:00

Ok, they can have all of these things but how many are consistently messaging you and trying to see you? I’ve found that guys seem perfect on paper but don’t want to make any effort. Talk to as many as you can and the duds will weed themselves out. You’ll know by how much effort and interest they make/have.

throwaway-786786 · 2020-07-10T22:43:00+00:00

You’re aware as an essential worker in health care informed that there’s a high shed rate/high viral load 2 days before symptoms (and all the other facts of asymptomatic spread), no daily testing with immediate results and that asking for self-reported risks factors from OLD strangers- that your dating strategy isn’t an effective way to not spread Covid?

Ah but that wasn’t your question.

If I could manage to rationalize dating during a pandemic I would certainly not believe that the virus had miraculously changed vast lots of men into relationship seeking, emotional adults ready to seriously date for a ltr just because they experienced a disruption in their pump and dump supply and staying home alone for a few months had them rediscover their natural need for steady feminine companionship in a committed relationship. That a stretch!

I would imagine that this “lonely was bad- I’m ready for a relationship ” sentiment is trendy just like masked profile pictures. I would also suspect that my bigger matching rate was due to a slew of other factors beside romantic notions that men are ffffiiiinnnaaalllyy ready because virus to actually want relationships.

At the very least I would assume men are shopping for a lockdown partner because that scenario could very well happen again soon.

I would also believe that typically women are much more pro socially inclined and that OLD is an unnecessary risk in a pandemic. Women are not dating. They don’t want to be a disease vector or get it themselves. This change in supply forced men to rework their tactics.

All men know that women stereotypically want relationships and it’s a powerful tool to get a date.

So if I really wanted to date I would use the same pre pandemic criteria and increase it exponentially: interest, effort and meet or exceed my standards. I would not take any shit.

And most of all I would not assume anything about them until way after exclusivity was established.

throwaway-786786 · 2020-07-10T21:46:37+00:00

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cutsforluck · 2020-07-10T23:14:25+00:00

I'm going to throw out a few questions and suggestions...

First, it's not really clear why you're dating during covid-- I'd assume you worked in healthcare and lived alone before covid, too? What exactly are you looking to find? You want a partner for a serious, long-term relationship, just to date around and distract yourself, or something else?

Your criteria is good but pretty broad. I would actually go deeper and more specific in terms of personality and lifestyle. Based on what you actually want and your goals, use those points to base your criteria off of.

The problem is that almost anyone can seem nice and normal in the short term. When I was dating, I would have a call with the guy beforehand, to get a better grasp on how they converse and their personality. Someone can come across fine in text, but be totally crazy on the phone. So you can save some time with a call, haha. Someone may also be ok on the phone, and strange when you meet up.

I actually was talking about this with a guy friend today, who also has tried to start OLD now. I asked, why now? He was chatting with a girl for almost a week, had great rapport. He asked if she was comfortable to do a video call to get to know each other better? And she ghosted. So count on some 'leakage' with OLD-- you can vibe well with people, but they just disappear, and you never meet in person.

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