So i am 21 .. - moved to a new place when i was 14 , didnt like the new atmosphere became an introvert with 0 friends and social life. Used to punch walls in frustation every day. Felt like crying but didnt cry.

  • at 18 caught feelings for a chick , creeped her out as i was a simp/beta/incel. She left of course. Felt like crying but didnt cry , never approached a girl after that incident.

  • because of being alone most of the time I found passion in making beats , i am quite good at it, paid my college fee from my own money. But not earning enough rn to bear all my expenses tho random people on internet dm me they tell me they like my songs and i'll be a big name in my country one day. I am not from USA , belong to a conservative family , i havent played my songs infront of my family due to the explicit language and content also they dont get this genre much and want me to quit and get a normal safe and stable 9-5 job. Every second day i face this arguement.

  • avoiding my only 2 friends i made after i noticed they always have their eyes on my money.

I know these ain't much hardships but i keep thinking about my future 24*7 ,sometimes it scares the shit out of me sometimes i feel i'll be fine and live on my own. I wake up at 3 am everyday and just lay in my bed thinking about stuff. Most of the time i stay in ' not very happy ' mood. I want to cry for once , haven't shed a tear since i was 14 as far i remember , i just can't cry even if i want to. In 2017 my elder brother was in I.C.U the doctors said there's a very rare chance that he'll survive my whole family was in tears and i had normal look on my face i felt terrible inside , wanted to but couldn't cry ( my brother survived )

But still asking if anyone here faced similar issue , would be thankful if someone can help me out.