Dealing with racism in a IR marriage

woodrend · 2018-02-05T15:54:08+00:00

I’m greek and lived in Philly a couple years ago. A particularly unhinged and ignorant neighbor used to call me a terrorist among other racial slurs. Called my boyfriend a fag. I met many great people there but frankly Philly is just one of the more openly bigoted cities I’ve ever lived in, and the native populace doesn’t trend toward high intelligence. I wouldn’t worry about it. Philly’s packed like a box of sardines, there’s a general culture of aggression.

Jikira · 2018-02-05T20:57:15+00:00

I live near Philly and my boyfriend is black. The only racism we get is from black women. Dirty looks, ignored or bad service from waitresses, etc.

Stormcrow762 · 2018-02-05T19:31:13+00:00

Unpopular Opinion: violence cures racism. Next time, you let husband answer another man’s opinion of his wife as he sees fit.

girlwithabike · 2018-02-05T16:23:09+00:00

The way that you get over it is to realize he's an idiot and move on.

What insecurities exactly is this bringing up and more importantly why? I ask because you are connecting an event where someone was a jerk to things that you already have feelings about. Your husband didn't call you a tiny terrorist, your friends didn't call you that, some rando at a Superbowl party did (and then probably went out and rioted to celebrate the Eagles victory like a schmuck). The guy himself is no one to you, but the words that are rattling around in your head. You need to figure out why specifically this event has left you so upset that you are home today. I'm not suggesting that it wasn't a crappy experience, but you have to decide why you can't just shrug it off and deal with that. I'd guess that you aren't confident about why your husband is with you, and this guy's comments triggered that insecurity. It's important to learn to feel confident that your husband did choose you so that people like this don't throw you for a loop.

You could have let your husband punch him once. I know that sounds crazy, but he specifically asked you because he knew better than to ask your husband (ie: he knew that there was a risk your husband would punch him for being a jerk). You could have stood up for yourself: Make a snarky comment back ("my husband likes that I'm little because he can toss me around"). Answer him as though he was genuinely asking how you got together ("well I can only say why I married him - you'll have to ask him why he married me"). Look him up and down like he's an idiot and walk away in silence. Etc etc.

As it currently stands, he won because he caused drama and because you are thinking about it 12 hours later. You allowed him to make you the victim. Don't be a victim. From your first post on RPW you sounded like a pretty confident and successful woman. Don't throw that away because some dude trolled you at a party. You are a minority in the country and will probably run into this kind of shit from time to time. Some of it may be genuine confusion and curiosity, some of it may be racism and assholes. I very much doubt that you will ever escape it entirely because of the way that human nature deals with groups. Be happy with who you are as a person. Be assured that your life is good and well lived. Be confident in your right to be here like any other citizen. And then laugh off people who tell you otherwise (or perfect your contemptuous death stare). You are an individual, you are more than a group identity. He wasn't talking to you, he was talking to a group identity. Fuck him and then give a nice long BJ to the man who loves you enough to get into a fight over your honor. And spend your day off doing something enjoyable and don't waste any more time thinking about a socially unsavvy idiot.

Jikira · 2018-02-05T16:46:17+00:00

I am African-American and my boyfriend is white. They are always going to be people who say racist comments. However, it is your job to learn not to let those comments bother you.

why does it matter so much to other people?

You should ask yourself why it matters so much to you how others perceive you? That probably means dealing with your insecurity.

Guywithgirlwithabike · 2018-02-05T18:45:02+00:00

You probably shouldn't read too much into it - you weren't dealing with a racist so much as you were dealing with a Philly sports fan. They have a reputation as everything terrible about human beings all rolled together, which they have earned many times over.

The Daily Mail has an article up today that features pictures of an Eagles fan on all fours in the street eating a police horse's sh%t.

I say this as someone who has lived in the Philly area for decades, and has a great appreciation for its universities, museums, and contributions to American history. The sports fans are mostly degenerate garbage.

Zebleblic · 2018-02-05T15:53:59+00:00

I'm white and with an Indian girl. I've not had any issues, but I imagine if act similar to your husband. I'd have put the terror into him. Some people are just dicks. You just need to get over it. Don't let what other people think about you bother you. They just don't matter and it doesn't make any sense to give a stranger that much power over you.

readingwithcoffee · 2018-02-05T15:38:42+00:00

my husband is Lebanese-American and I'm Asian. some people are racist and it has absolutely nothing to do with you and how you behave. some people just have these beliefs. I'm sorry it was upsetting.

Jrix · 2018-02-05T23:34:50+00:00

Part of what it means to gain wisdom is to appreciate that some people's opinions really are garbage. You should consider his view not an insult of you, but an insult of him.

What's something you're confident about? Imagine an idiot who knows nothing about whatever that is, and imagine them criticizing you. Feel that sense of dismissiveness, and apply it here, because this is all it's worth.

clearhoney · 2018-02-06T19:14:11+00:00

Can't really do much about a racist asshole. Trying to understand one would be impossible if you're not one yourself. They don't think the way level rational headed people do.

Title	Dealing with racism in a IR marriage
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	15
Comments	22
Date	February 5, 2018 2:54 PM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/7vf8kb/dealing_with_racism_in_a_ir_marriage/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/dealing-with-racism-in-a-ir-marriage.74198 https://theredarchive.com/post/74198

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