Dealing with unsure ex

[deleted] · 2018-03-18T06:42:05+00:00

yooo. to me so much of redpill theory applies to both men and women.

he broke up with you because he wasn't sure if he loved you. to me that's the end of it. you seriously need to move on regardless of how much you love him. remember the fallacy of "the one". you can find what you have now with another man as long as you have abundance mentality.

right now you guys had some space and he misses you. he misses your friendship. if you get back with him and you go back to what you had then hes destined to feel the same way again and break up again. its alot of pressure on him when you leave all the decisions up to him to taking you back so you should use your one power to hard next him. he will think "wow this girl has a back bone and i shouldn't of fucked around and lost her. I wish I had her back." instead of thinking "I could have her back any time I wanted so I wonder what else is out there".

remember you can't negotiate desire. don't let him treat you bad because it will make you feel like shit and make him feel anxious because he knows he's not doing right by you.

last words. move on. I am a guy in his position with a woman and I can't go back. I've made the decision. she loves me so much but it's not enough. I miss her but I know we arnt compatible in the long run. I've put her through alot of shit because she's willing to go through it to get me back but i never intend to go back. I can't ignore her though but I should be. it would be alot easier if she just hated me.

WhatIsThisAccountFor · 2018-03-18T05:21:21+00:00

What were the problems in your relationship, and how could they have possibly been entirely taken care of within 2 months outside of the relationship?

He will not be with you again until he's sure these problems are gone, but surely they'll be gone when you're trying to win him back. Do you truly and honestly believe that the problems you caused in your relationship will be gone after you two start formally dating again and you don't feel like you need to prove yourself anymore?

flyingsmallplate · 2018-03-23T05:35:49+00:00

He's treating you like an option. I don't like it. It's wishy-washy and plays with your emotions. He literally told you he's trying to figure out whether to bypass you, try again with you, or pick you up in a month or so. Like you're a thing on the shelf, an option with options. No.

DramaticMix · 2018-03-18T06:20:30+00:00

I don't know what your traumatic past baggage was, but have you sought therapy? And for how long?

LateralThinker13 · 2018-03-22T17:22:28+00:00

Even though we’re talking I’m trying to give him as much space as possible and trying not to fall into the ‘friendzone’.

Men generally don't friendzone women. They distance themselves from them because they've been hurt by them. Friendzone applies to beta male orbiters of manipulative women.

Men also don't fall out of love with women; love isn't on the same sliding scale as hate. A man can hate/dislike a woman while simultaneously caring for her as well. I love my ex-wife's good traits. I also hate her violently for the abuse I suffered under her. Part of why we're not together now is because that hate eclipsed that love.

You're getting mixed signals because he remembers the good (and this attracts him) while he also remembers the bad (which pushes him away). You're going to have an uphill battle trying to get him back AND keep him, as you have apparently earned quite a bit of distrust on his part.

He's being polite, seems to want to test the waters with a casual friendship. If you push him, he'll bolt. He needs time and experience with you to see that you really have changed, that the prior issues (whatever they were) really are gone/fixed.

If they aren't truly gone, you're going to hurt him AGAIN and he'll leave you AND you'll have messed up his psyche further.

If they ARE gone, you may be able to gently guide him into a relationship.

But either way, it sounds like your issues made him not want to be with you, and it'll take a lot to reverse it.

As a side note, you're very cautious with how you discuss what went wrong.

he couldn’t deal with the problems in our relationship anymore.

This puts the problem on the relationship, not on you or him. Something to be fixed between you, very neutral.

The problems were too much for him to handle. Even though I told him I changed for the better

Again, this references neutral "problems". But then you say YOU changed for the better (positive spin).

This tells me that there weren't relationship problems, there were YOUR problems, that he left the relationship because you were the problem. That you had issues. And from this whole post, I get the feeling that you haven't really owned your shit as to responsibility for it.

Sure, you "changed for the better". But it just feels like you are still making it about you in the positive but not owning the negative. You don't provide many details, but... I get the suspicion that you messed up and never fully apologized for it. The bigger the mess-up, the bigger the apology needed, AND it needs to have no strings attached: as in, his accepting your apology can't in any way be contingent on him taking you back.

Do that, and I think you might be able to restart something with him.

catsuramen · 2018-03-18T05:04:42+00:00

The real question is: do YOU still want him? The problems that led to the breakup will still persists after the reunion, how would you solve it or let it go?

Title	Dealing with unsure ex
Author	DramaticMix
Upvotes	2
Comments	10
Date	March 18, 2018 4:45 AM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/8599ms/dealing_with_unsure_ex/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/dealing-with-unsure-ex.74446 https://theredarchive.com/post/74446

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