Should I be concerned

LawyerInTheMaking · 2018-03-23T01:21:40+00:00

based on what youre saying id hold off wedding talks period.

1.

He wants to own a home.

&

He has no retirement savings. He says he has no money.

If he doesnt have any money then his desire to own a house is a pipe dream. how is he supposed to purchase the house and make the mortgage/bills/property payments with no money? more like you would be making the payments, not him.

2.

I tried talking to him about getting a new job being that he is underpaid, has no benefits, hasn’t had a raise in 5 years...... THe reason he hasn’t stayed here’s is because he’s waiting for the day the business is successful and he too will move up in position for being a faithful employee.

Kenny Rodgers in the song "The Gambler" said, "You've got to know when to hold 'em. Know when to fold 'em." Im sorry but it doesnt take 5 years to figure out that you should find better employment so that you can elevate your quality of life. The days of being a faithful employee for a company for years and years until you reach upper-management and make 6 figures are long gone. To me it seems that he isnt really interested in doing better.

Does not go to the doctor despite my constant voicing of concerns ( I work in healthcare)for things that he should go to a doctor for.

Health is wealth. If he isnt willing to take care of himself then why would you trust your (and possible future kids) with him.

I’m really considering a pre nup but I don’t know how to bring it up.

I can already tell based on what you are saying that he is not going to take it well and probably going to pull some "do you not believe in me/trust" me defensive shit.

You have valid reason to be worried because he doesnt seem to have his shit together.

ragnarockette · 2018-03-23T14:22:13+00:00

It sounds like you want to leave because you don’t respect him and feel he’s mooching off you. Which he is.

The blunt question is: if you end your engagement do you think you could find someone better and more ambitious/successful? And how quickly? You basically need to find someone in the next 2 years and get him to commit to be able to have kids before it becomes high risk.

If you’re overweight, bitchy, or live in a rural area with few options, that’s a gamble at 30.

But staying with a man who you don’t respect is a gamble as well. And pretty unfair to him since he’s been honest about who he is from the get go.

flyingsmallplate · 2018-03-23T05:31:15+00:00

Don't compromise on the prenup. And say you'll sign one too, because you want your finances separate. Why? Because you aren't comfortable with his financial decisions and would rather not reconcile your differences on a trial-and-error basis.

peppermint-kiss · 2018-03-23T11:59:21+00:00

I feel like I’m nit picking and nagging and Im not getting any response or movement from him.

Because that's exactly how it works. No one ever changed another person without their consent, certainly not by nitpicking or nagging. Your fiance is a grown adult and makes his own choices. Either you trust and respect him for the choices he makes, or you don't. If you don't trust him, you have two choices: give up control and let him prove you wrong (or not), or end the relationship. "Successfully control his choices" isn't an option.

girlwithabike · 2018-03-23T12:15:14+00:00

First these are the questions that are supposed to be answered when posting and you didn't really answer them. These might give us some more insight into your relationship.

What is the problem, and what do you think is the root of the issue?
How have you contributed/attempted to mitigate the problem?
What is your current relationship status?

Be honest with yourself about what background is needed to help the community answer your question. Withholding information doesn't make it less true or relevant. Include the state of your sex life.

Now, back to me:

You should not marry this man. You do not trust his decisions or his ability to lead you both. Honestly, it sounds like you don't even trust his ability to run his own life:

I tried talking to him about getting a new job

Have you read the post 7 Habits of a Highly Effective Shrews. Does any of it ring a bell to you, because it sounds like you are hitting a couple of those points right here. You probably should pick up a copy of The Surrendered Wife or First Kill All the Marriage Counselors. I suspect that you need a bit of an overhaul on your own thought processes and attitudes.

You cannot change someone else, you can only change yourself. This man may never be ambitious or high earning. Can you still love him if that is the case? Or are you in love with the man you think he can be? There isn't a single part of your post that reads as anything but dissatisfaction.

WhatIsThisAccountFor · 2018-03-24T20:33:03+00:00

He wants to own a home.

.

His overly relaxed self Is stressing me out because even though I’ve given him ways to try and better himself, he doesn’t.

It sounds like he's either lying to you about his ambition, or he is just a lazy person in general. These two things are complete contradictions.

I’m really considering a pre nup but I don’t know how to bring it up

Have you had marriage talks? If you have then tell him you would need a prenup. Also, would you sign a prenup for a man that was making more than you?

[deleted] · 2018-03-23T02:00:10+00:00

instead of accepting someone for who they are you're trying to change them. you've told him what you want. if he falls below your bar then walk out the door.

I think you've got a big head because you're earning more than him. part of you feels repulsed at the idea of looking after a man when it should be the other way around. a man should provide for his wife when shes had a baby. you're 30 though so you don't want to start again but you're faced with this dilemma.

I think you're stressing too much about it. I think you're gona be ok if you just relax. money is important but you will both find a way with or without it.

Title	Should I be concerned
Author	Wantingredpills
Upvotes	6
Comments	9
Date	March 22, 2018 10:45 PM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/86fu26/should_i_be_concerned/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/should-i-be-concerned.74473 https://theredarchive.com/post/74473

Comments