The worst part about being in this situation is that as a male my brain can't help but contemplate the personal responsibilities I must take for the situation I have put myself in.

I've created hell for myself. I'm living in hell. Every day is just as bad as the last.

The white picket fence is and always has been a lie. If I look at the death of my grandmother, it's almost as if though my grandfather was relieved to be finally free from the burden of marriage.

A man waited 60 years for death which could have claimed him first in order to free himself from this burden.

Every day is just as bad as the last. Every waking second collectively leads to a panic attack. My soul attempting to exit from this state. My brain has attempted to disassociate from this daily stress so much that I have a hard time distinguishing what reality actually is anymore.

Cleaning up after other people. Cleaning up and taking care of pets. Pretending to give a shit about things I should not even need to spend a second on. Petty drama, games, barely even being able to get work done. Slaving away just to pay off debts for things that are irrelevant. Constant interruptions from the possibility of bettering myself. Side tracking, disturbances, and general wastage of precious time.

I'm trapped. I got sperm-jacked. How can someone actually possess the necessary evil to perform such a task? Now I must fight biological impulses every day or risk wealth and what little is left of my sanity.

There is no escape for me. I often dream of the loneliness that plagues many men. What they view as a negative, as something to be fearful of. At times I drift off into an imaginary dream world where stress is essentially non existent. Where I can pursue myself, my dreams, and my passions. I dread that such a day may never come, even if only being due to my outright cowardliness. Cowardliness as it pertains to taking my own life by the reigns.

Young men, women will take your life. Even if not meant in the literal sense, you will inevitably become a walking zombie. An animated corpse of someone who may have once loved life itself.