Need Red Pill Perspective

UEMcGill · 2021-06-23T02:31:20+00:00

not for us

Cloudy_Pirate · 2021-06-23T01:48:17+00:00

very controlling about daughters hair cuts, bathing, and clothes

I’m guessing he’s extra vigilant here because he sees his daughter being raised by lesbians

PutABabyInThat · 2021-06-23T00:34:22+00:00

The problem is that their conflicts are so small it doesn’t make sense for me to get involved.

Not seeing why this is a problem. You'd rather they have bigger conflicts?

Why? So that you could justify sticking your nose in and taking over?

Why do you want to jump in so bad?

Is it really just because it ruins your day? Or do you have a tendency to take on her problems as your own and try to solve them for her?

johneyapocalypse · 2021-06-23T01:56:37+00:00

I'll tell you a little story about a good friend. He's my shooting instructor and he has progressed so fast in bjj it's stunning. He's also a real-live special forces badass (and frankly kind of fucked physically as a result) and almost certainly the first dude you'd want at your side in any kind of skirmish.

His wife, also my good friend, was previously coupled with a real prick. Much like with your wife, her man "was an asshole to her" as well.

My buddy, though, was chomping at the bit to get on his ass the moment she started telling him about it - long before the two of them chose to get married.

Interestingly, the ex went from texts of "whore" and "bitch" over custody issues to peaceful - cowed - and - rightfully so - scared - behavior - simply upon laying eyes on my buddy who did nothing more than sit in a chair and look at him.

I'm not suggesting you need be special forces or taking out Taliban on the regular to protect your woman.

I'm just illustrating a real-world example that might help you better understand that your polished phrases and critiques of what's petty or not - occurring alongside your wife's clear and evident angst and misgivings over past and present dynamics with her ex - are really nothing more than an excuse to help you avoid confronting your own fear.

oooKenshiooo · 2021-06-23T01:59:51+00:00

So let's get a few basics out of the way first.

You need to be your wives rock. She needs to understand that external problems like this do not faze you. You are the captain of your relationship. You lead, she follows and falls into your frame. If you frame is: These quabbles are pointless and not wort stressing out over, then she should accept that frame and not carry any of the stress into the space that is your relationship.

However - she is still involved in a power struggle, however minor, and that needs to be adressed. Because powerstruggles have the tendency to escalate in one form or another. If the other guy keeps pushing forward, and your wife lets herself get pushed backward, that will take a toll on her emotions and push the conflict into your relationship space.

There ultimately your wife needs to stand her ground at some point and it better your coach her into than force her.

The best approach would be to check the validity of the guys claim first.

I am writing a book on power struggles right now, and this is how I recommend your deal with demands of other people.

Demands usually fall into three categories:

You are asked to STOP DOING something because it causes harm or damage to another person. This is an attempt by the other party to protect their boundaries. As long as the other person can conclusively outline the harm caused, it is wise to meet those requests.
You are asked to STOP DOING something that does not cause any harm to the other party (or the children). This is an attempt by the other party to set boundaries for YOU - which they have no right to do. Therefore the default answer is "no". You may meet those request purely on your own volition - or if you get something in return.
You are asked to DO SOMETHING. The default answer to this is no - unless you feel like it or you get something in return. Here is why: If the thing was actually important, you would have done it anyway. If the thing was actually important, they would have done it themselves.
Them demanding you do the thing means they value your time less than their own.

Therefore, if you want to defuse tension with her ex, you have to meet his category 1 requests - and demand he meet yours in return. Once boundaries are established, you can exchange requests about 2 and 3 - but never make a concession without receiving something YOU want in return.

Then, whenever the guy makes a demand, hit him with a counter-demand (make up trivial errands on the spot if you have to). Eventually he will either stop making demands altogether, or only make demands important enoughf or him to honor your counter-demand.

rp_redneck · 2021-06-23T02:01:44+00:00

Two weeks ago, you commented the following:

Many believe that women are more attracted to “bad boys” than “nice guys”. It’s the reason why some men intentionally act like assholes. There’s a Reddit community of men that basically discuss these “bad boy” tactics to get women interested in them. It’s called the r/theredpill and honestly I think you should read a few posts to see what goes on in the minds of these men that you find more attractive. What seems to you as more fun and a challenge comes from a really degrading and gross place. Basically they trick you into you thinking you have a challenge. They intentionally treat you poorly so that you work hard to win them over. It’s pretty manipulative.

You're a lesbian trying to figure out how to make something about you that has nothing to do with you. Talk about fitting a stereotype.

I'll give you the same advice I'd give if you were a man: It's a good thing that he's looking out for the best interests of the kids because she most certainly is not. If she can't handle disagreements over things that you describe as "petty," then that's her problem. You shouldn't be trying to fix her emotions on something that has nothing to do with you.

Moreover, the fact that you give a shit in the first place shows that your mental point of origin is in the wrong place.

Title	Need Red Pill Perspective
Author	serialphile
Upvotes	0
Comments	9
Date	June 22, 2021 11:49 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askMRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/o60l4s/need_red_pill_perspective/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askMRP/need-red-pill-perspective.786129 https://theredarchive.com/post/786129

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