Hey guys, just wanted to share my experience. Sorry for my english.

I recently broke up with my 4 years LTR. The reason I gave her is that I don’t want to have kids and since she’s about to turn 30 it wasn’t fair of me to keep wasting her time.

I didn’t tell her that she’s getting fat and less attractive to me. And that she’s been dissing me a lot in a jokey kind of way that I didn’t appreciate.

The breakup was sad and tearful of course, but kind of sweet too, we hugged, kissed and said goodbye.

When I was thinking about breaking up and doing a cost analysis these events came back to me, they weren’t really relevant since the whole “kids and marriage” outweighs anything else, but interesting nonetheless.

  • long ago she told me she would like to have lunch with her ex and if I was okay with it. I really felt no jealousy AT ALL so I told her it was cool. Days later she confesses they kissed and that he wanted to show her his apartment but she resisted. This bothered me but I forgave her since it was just a kiss and we’re only human.

  • she went to a camp during the weekend and would not answer the phone. When she came back she told me she had met a nice guy, and that they kind of kissed but she stopped him and explained she had a boyfriend. I didn’t get mad, thought it was cool she thrusted me with it.

  • some time later she confessed she was very close to having an affair with a teacher, but that nothing had happened. I thanked her for telling me, and since she was so distressed I told her that I flirted with girls too and it was no big deal. She was depressed for months after that.

  • just months ago she asked if I wanted to see other girls, and that it would be a good idea if we could have sex with other people. I was tempted because of course I wanted to have sex with other girls, but I did not want her to do the same. So I told her I didn’t feel capable of having that kind of relationship and didn’t give it more thought.

Now that I think about it this all started happening 2 years ago. I used to live in a house by myself, and I moved to share a house with a friend because living alone was depressing. Also when I met her I was ripped, but she got fat and would get angry when I told her to lose weight cause I should love her for what she was, so I stopped working out too.

I am not bothered by this at all. What puzzles me is why I was never jealous, I always felt really secure. At the time I thought she was trying to get me jealous and that the correct answer was to ignore it, but putting the events side by side I don’t think that was the right move.

So my question is: Is jealousy ever good? Should you pretend to be jealous even when you're not?