I am haunted by the painful memories. But it’s not fair to leave him over who he used to be to me. He treats me great now. But my mind always remembers how he called me ugly b word, and told me he’s out of my league..he’s my first and only boyfriend I’ve ever had since I was 16. I don’t know what to do and need help. How can I move past the pain he has caused me? I used to cry myself to sleep every night bcoz he told me no other guy would ever wife me up the way he did. I still feel like shit and hate myself. The verbal abuse was 3-4 years ago. Nowadays he always tells me I’m beautiful treats me great and seems to be very happy with me. Only sort of alarming thing is our sex is very rough and degrading. He spits on me all over my face and does sex super rough doesn’t care if it hurts me basically. But during it he said that how he “shows” his love.