In need of real masculine advice

JackGetsIt · 2016-12-21T12:31:37+00:00

The essence of manhood is accountability and not making excuses for your circumstances. You don't need a father to embrace this. In fact it's a blind searching for 'masculinity' and 'fatherhood' that leads many young men to prison and the graveyard because they thought 'masculine' was some mafioso gangland bullshit. We live in a modern society with a police force and men aren't allowed to fight in the streets for power. You need to fight for power with knowledge, education, and hard work.

I've also met young men that are more masculine and accountable then many adult men with great fathers. So you need to end the pity party and start working towards money and stability in your life. You will probably find good male role models on your journey if you look for them.

SkorchZang · 2016-12-21T05:37:39+00:00

He may be a dickhead but he's still your father. Hold on to that with your fucking teeth and never let it go.

People who don't have one at all are the most miserable creatures imaginable. They have to try and be their own father to themselves. So much wasted time, and so much needless pain.

redditatt · 2016-12-21T07:33:40+00:00

You have a parental form of Oneitis. Do you think warriors in ancient times always had daddy around to care about them? Fuck no. Did it stop men from becoming men? Also fuck no.

The world is full of male role models, so don't put all the responsibility on your dad. He's one man. My own father is a real hard ass, and he's taught me more about what I don't want to be than anything. Take your lessons where you can, stop comparing yourself to others like all the other little millennial fucks do, and get over your daddy issues.

Daddy love isn't going to make you a man

RedAsBlood · 2016-12-21T16:14:28+00:00

I grew up in a similar situation to you. Overly beta and absent father.

Wasted a lot of my 20s partying and being a dumbass.

You need to find your own path. Stop looking for someone to guide you. Figure out what YOU want to do with your life and make a plan to make it happen.

W_O_M_B_A_T · 2016-12-21T23:10:49+00:00

OK first of all, developmental emotional issues, and childhood relationship trauma is not in any way a simple matter. This is definitely something you want to talk to a professional about. Part of being a man is accepting when you have a problem you lack the knowledge or power to change, and asking for professional help. Whether it be a car problem or an emotional one.

Laypersons on the internet don't have the knowledge or the expertise to help you with this very much. Without help, the kind of rage and resentment you're talking about can ruin your happiness for decades.

Chances are, the person you're most angry/resentful at, is yourself.

Young kids have a way of holding themselves responsible for their parents' shortcomings, especially when they have no actual power over the situation. In your dad's case I think his major mistake was pretending he was interested in fatherhood, when he actually wasn't.

It's not a crime to be ignorant, weak, or vulnerable in the past. This is always the first step in dealing with persistent rage and anger. Forgive yourself for being weak and imperfect.

Callium · 2016-12-21T05:59:45+00:00

In our society, women do the choosing. Men ask, and women say "yes" or "no." So if you have a dickhead for a dad, it's because your mom decided to have sex with and marry a dickhead. Anger with your dad is healthy and justified, but don't give your mom a pass - it was her choice.

Title	In need of real masculine advice
Author	synkangura
Upvotes	2
Comments	11
Date	December 21, 2016 5:34 AM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/5ji7jb/in_need_of_real_masculine_advice/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/in-need-of-real-masculine-advice.79477 https://theredarchive.com/post/79477

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