I thank you all in advance for reading about my question and I hope to get your valuable insights and answers. English is not my first language and this happened in Turkey.

One week before the New Year’s Eve, I have met an attractive and decent man. Until then, I had never met a man in a night club, nor had I exchanged numbers. So he was the first. He was at a table close by with his friends and I was with a female friend. A summary of myself, I am fit, wear feminine, would give myself 7-8 out of 10, enjoy life, social, educated, working, self-made. I don’t do one night stands. Additional information: I am 32 and he is 25. But I don't look like my age.

So at that night he asked me for my phone number before he left. I didn’t want to give my phone number so we exchanged Instagram info and added each other on that. He started communication the day after and invited me for a coffee, we met three days later after work. Although I have a car and live in a remote place to him, he came to pick me up and brought me to a very nice place for dinner. Although I am a talkative and funny person, I was acting very shy; first I didn’t know how to communicate to a man whom I have met at a bar. He was very open and sincere though and I thought and told him by time I would open up as I get to know him. A week passed by after we first met and we were regularly speaking and texting, not too much not too less.

After our first date, he asked me what I would be doing for the New Year's Eve and he said he would like to meet me. I told him I would like to meet as well after I spend time with my family on that day. Eventually I let him know when I was available (I was with my family first and with my friends afterwards) so he came to pick me up from my friends. Prior to that, he invited me to his place where he had his friends as guests. But I didn't want to go to his place on our second date, before getting to know him enough. So we went to the night club we have met. We had amazing time together, I have started to like him even more. We held hands and he kissed me while he was leaving me back to my friends' place. We scheduled another meeting for the next day. It was also amazing and I couldn't help but ask myself is this man real? Or is he just playing and lying in order to get me into the bed? He had also ikept asking when we would meet either in his place or in my place but I kept avoiding an answer.

Unluckily, there is an issue which bugged me: He said a couple of times that he doesn't trust women and women are devil. He had said those in a comfortable tone (not a weepy tone), which startled me. He mentioned that his 3-years relationship ended because he was cheated. He also couldn't stop and gave me more details about how that happened but I stopped him and told him I didn't want to hear further about his past. I felt like he had seen the negative part of the women and he would be hard to keep. I had also felt offended, because although I know how mean woman can be, I was sad to hear these judgements in the beginning. As a person, I have never cheated any of my boyfriends and to my family, friends and boyfriends, I have always been honest and not needing lies to keep or earn something. So this was problem number one.

Another problem, which is also number one is that for a couple of months, I have been planning to leave Turkey and settle in a western country after giving a break and travelling. This month, I was going to resing from my job and rent my flat (I bought my own flat in 2013). I had terminated my contracts like internet connection, etc. But then I have met this guy and one moment it crossed my mind that I can try something with him and maybe move abroad with him as he was also planning on moving Europe. We actually had so much in common.

These thoughts in my mind, I have started to have really complicated thoughts and I freaked out. On one side, I was explicitly starting to fall for this guy, who is handsome, clever and successful and younger than me, but on the other side, I was at a crossroad to decide whether to trust this guy and date him, while he was treating me well but also emphasizing how he doesn't trust women at all?

So one evening, I ghosted him and didn't reply to his texts or calls. I was very sad and crying during this almost 2-days ghosting period. I really wanted to have a relationship with him but I just didn't know if he would like me and keep me if I trusted him and if we dated&didn't work out, I didn't want to lose months in Turkey instead of continuing my life in a better country. On Saturday, I finally replied back and suggested to meet face to face. Then he wrote, then we talked and he wanted to hear what happened. He was very angry naturally. I told him I had never done this to a person before (true). He wanted to know on the phone what was wrong. I didnt't mention all the two reasons, I just mentioned about his past disloyalty experience and how he was trying to reflect the dirt from his previous relationship to me. And I said there are more things to be discussed. I also told him after listening to me, he was to one to give the final decision. Then he said he would talk these not outside, so he asked me whether I would go to his place or he would come to my place. He wanted an answer so I told him to come to my place. He said he would come on that day or on Monday. As we live faraway and there has been a snow blast in Turkey, also I assume he didnt't want to, he didn't come and we haven't met in person yet. He called me on Sunday night, we talked about half an hour, generally talking, I also apologized from him. I also told him that I will explain everything to him in person and I would make it up to him. Monday in the morning I called him at an hour I knew he was going to work but he dismissed my call and I didn't call him or write to him. Yesterday morning, he sent me text message asking how I was doing and he said he couldn't go to office because the roads were blocked to due to heavy snow. I said thanks I am fine at the office and just wished him have a good rest.

My questions, have I lost him? If we ever meet again and tell about why I acted that way, would he understand me? How should I act? Should I keep giving him time to think about me and make his decision? Should I continue my life (working, going to the gym, going out with my friends at the weekends, etc.?) Or should I try to convey my message to him and chase him & do whatever I can to win him? This chasing part is a part I have never done and would like to do because I am not a woman like that. But is it better if I consider taking two steps only for the time being until he knows I have genuine feelings for him and all I did was because I give value to him? I just couldn't believe I would meet such a man at this crossroad of my life and in Turkey because here, sex is not as reachable as in the western countries, thus men are quite liars only to get a woman into the bed. All the bad and sad stories in Turkey make us, women in Turkey highly defensive.

I would really, really appreciate all the realist comments, analysis, foresights and the most important one: recommendations about this trouble of mine and thank you all for being here.