Relationship w/ mother on pause— thoughts?

RexMcRider · 2020-03-15T20:56:13+00:00

As far as “reciprocal and unconditional love from her son”? Yea, that's nice. You feel how you feel, it's not like you pick "unconditional love" up at the store. About the closest you can get is a dog, and it will turn on you if you treat it badly enough!

As for the rest, you kind of have to work that out for yourself. I don't know much of the details of your relationship with her. That said, being in contact with her isn't binary (like talk to her about everything, or don't talk to her at all). And has your life been better without talking to her? Do you feel bad shen you don't?

As much as MGTOW is avoiding getting screwed over by females they are nevertheless human beings, have feelings, and are deserving of consideration in line with their behavior.

30203forever · 2020-03-15T21:03:12+00:00

There is no reason why it shouldn't work albeit superficially, if necessary. After all, you're in different countries so speaking to each other once a week or so should not be a problem, should it be? Tell her only the things she needs to know and keep in mind that she doesn't necessarily have your best interests in heart. She might think she does but it may or may not be true. Good luck!

PhDinIDGAF · 2020-03-15T21:14:35+00:00

When I was in college I had to cut myself off from my mother because she and her side of the family kept turning to me to whenever she had a crisis. I was getting calls at 2 AM begging me to come to the hospital because she tried to kill herself again, and finally I decided that at my age, in my situation, that wasn't my responsibility.

I had my own life to live. I stopped answering the phone calls and listening to her voicemails, calling her for any reason, showing up at family gatherings on her side of the family, etc.

I don't regret it. What it did was establish the ground rules for the relationship: I'm not responsible for her, and she's not to make her problems my problems If she does, then she loses access to me.

And it worked for me. I did not talk to her throughout my twenties, but when I wound up in some trouble, she showed up to help and did not lay any expectations on me in return. Out of respect for that, I've remained on friendly terms with her and her husband since.

As a somewhat different take, I do not agree that just because something has some negative aspects it should automatically be abandoned. What are the benefits, and are they worth the costs? Sometimes sucking it up to keep access to a resource can be worth it. We each have to answer that question for ourselves.

Blissbynature · 2020-03-15T21:48:35+00:00

Just talk to her when you need to talk to her. Just listen to her advice and then ignore it. She's an ocean away.

bearbludaddy · 2020-03-15T23:34:25+00:00

Unconditional love doesn't flow that way. The only unconditional love that exists is from parents to their children. That's it. She set the parameters of what she expects, your unconditional love.

Unfortunately, you're going to have to be the adult here and decline a relationship you know to have impossible expectations. Sadly, she has a toxic entitled mindset. It sucks to have to "next" your own Mom but in the long run it will make you stronger.

2020-03-15T20:09:18+00:00

i struggle with this too. keep your heart cold, it’s never worth it.

MGTOW_BEASTMODE · 2020-03-15T22:22:34+00:00

No. Keep her at a distance. I know it's tough as a man you want to be able to love and make your mother proud, but some mothers are just awful toxic people and take advantage of you.

Stay cold. Keep her at a distance. Also record all her shit into a journal and when you are feeling like trying to work on things.. pick it up and remind yourself why you shouldn't.

DonMelbourne · 2020-03-16T01:10:41+00:00

Family is so important. Look after your family and nurture those relationships. Just ensure your own needs aren't compromised in the process.

Ideally, what relationship do you want with your mother? What is stopping you from getting to that point at the moment?

Trapperr_AO · 2020-03-16T09:18:34+00:00

is she needy, or a narcissist? Read the book "No More Mr Nice Guy" by Glover (I have an ecopy if you want it) and you'll find out a lot about yourself and how she raised you.

sainterosa92 · 2020-03-20T06:59:42+00:00

It honestly depends. Talking to your mom doesn't make you less of a man, nor does it stunt you. However you do have to have boundaries with what you are willing to take. my mom is a narcissist and she did the same, now she talks shit about me and doesn't show me respect, she thinks i need her, but the thing is, if your mom is not typical narcissist, she might just need you sometimes but if its just negative i agree you should taper conversation, not everyone has a good relationship with mom, not every mom is a golden sun

nitronPC · 2020-03-16T02:46:50+00:00

If she remarried a guy that sees her like that, then why is she seeking emotional support like that from her child? I mean I know that parent/child relationships change as we grow older. However, it should really be up to the partner to fulfill that part of the relationship.

Punchdown_Kid · 2020-03-17T13:38:13+00:00

You just sound like a shitty son.

Title	Relationship w/ mother on pause— thoughts?
Author	nitronPC
Upvotes	1
Comments	19
Date	March 15, 2020 8:07 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MGTOW2
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MGTOW2/comments/fj7lcy/relationship_w_mother_on_pause_thoughts/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MGTOW2/relationship-w-mother-on-pause-thoughts.809489 https://theredarchive.com/post/809489

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