TLDR: I have been married for 12 years have, three children 12, 9, 9. We have lived apart over the course of this year due to COVID and work, myself in the UK and her in France with the boys. I have not been in love with my wife for a long time, she has suspected as much, and I don’t want to get back with her.

Dear all,

I write this to ask for advice on how to proceed with a separation from my wife.

We have been together for 21 years and married for 12 of those. We have three boys aged 12, 9 and 9. The boys are happy and she is a phenomenal mother.

The crux of the situation is that I am not in love with my wife. I love her as the mother of my children but I have not been attracted to her physically or emotionally for over a decade. This situation is all my fault really, I only really continued my relationship with her because breaking up with her was harder than staying together and I didn’t want to break her heart.

She has suspected that I am not in love with her as we would not have sex for ages. The average interval between love making could be as long as two years. And it is basically because of me, not her.

This year we have lived apart in different countries, I have been in the UK and she has been with the boys in France, and the separation has nothing to do with our marriage breaking down it is solely due to the pandemic.

During my time alone I have come to realise that I cannot live with her again as a loving husband. I don’t want to break her heart, and that of my children, but I know that if I put this off things will only get worse and it’s not fair in her.

We have a house in France that is currently being rented.

What do I do? Any advice would be appreciated.