How do you deal ?

Lingus4 · 2019-12-01T10:19:32+00:00

Mate I'm 12.month's into the journey. If I could send a message to myself back then I would say this: You will have a new path in life. It will be better in some ways and worse in other ways but overall it's better. Your future relationships will be stronger and you'll be able to be more true to yourself. May sure you make time for your needs and wants. The immediate pain you're suffering will come and go but the pain will subside.

Trytosurvive · 2019-12-01T10:34:00+00:00

Lots of Time and the person who is leaving isn’t the same as the person you married- if your still in love it’s going to be hell but there is an end to the tunnel- just focus on your kids and your mental health- anything your ex states isn’t for your benefit- she is most likely going to be enemy number one - get legal advice now for kids. Some exes on this board are amicable with co-parenting others are selfish pricks that will want to put you down - just play fair and be prepared for whichever way your ex will run - it’s one of the hardest journey in life that can destroy you if you don’t get legal and mental help

hiner112 · 2019-12-01T12:45:08+00:00

I kept in mind that trying to convince her to stay is just setting both of us up for more pain later. Some things need to be played by ear. Is she going to be fair and balanced or entitled and greedy? Is it because she found someone else and are you ready to deal with that?

Getting a list of grievances can help you in future relationships or they can be completely made up in her own head to justify her feelings. Either way being a good parent and taking care of yourself is what is important right now.

TheInsulator · 2019-12-01T13:39:50+00:00

I’m two years in and I still don’t know how. I just learned to not trust or rely on anyone for anything. Best of luck. You’re about to walk through hell but you’ll go alright In the end. You won’t be the same person any longer though.

CarGuyM1985 · 2019-12-01T19:02:27+00:00

It’s a new phase of your life, as other have said above, there will be ups and downs. Focus on how you’ll grow from the change, how you will likely make different/better choices & and see things more clearly in the future. I thought my ex just up and left, but there were signs I didn’t see.

Absolutely get a lawyer, log everything, don’t do anything stupid!

Suggestions: - Lawyer ASAP! - Therapy - Stay away from a new g/f as long as possible. - Work on yourself (fitness/hobby etc) - Be the best parent you can - Make a list of things you’ve always wanted to do (with and without your kids) - EXECUTE LIST!!

Lastly, I deal by looking to the future & being a parent!

Bonus note* give yourself a break, you aren’t going to be perfect through this, take deep breaths.

SkierDude19 · 2019-12-01T22:30:01+00:00

Same thing happened to me (18 yes married 2 teens) and I was the best one minute then I dont love you anymore the next. 9 months in and already has turned into a money hungry bitch so be prepared for that. Lawyer up asap and file first, do not let her know this.

Next get The Rational Male by Rollo Tomassi and read asap as if your life depended on it. Then read his two other books in the series. You will then learn the truth and that this is really over and may turn shitty before you know it whether you want to beleive that or not.

tn5685 · 2019-12-02T01:14:09+00:00

Similar ordeal here. Wife left after I questioned her over some texts our youngest son (16) had on his phone. I thought all was well at that time. I was blindsided. I had just started the love dare book on my own and I kept it with it while she lived with another man. I fought for us. I finally gave into divorce. Divorce was final in Feb. Mind you she was nice about it. She gave me the house, no child support. I leaned on God. My strength to keep going sure didn't come from me. My strength to not act a fool and do things I wouldn't want my children to do didn't come from me. I still relay on him. I have so many questions that I know I'll never have answers too. It's ok to cry. It's human to have emotions. It's ok to be angry. Start journaling to express deep feelings. Like others said find a hobby. Focus on your children. Don't talk smack about her or her new person in front of them.

HungryDadAUS · 2019-12-21T15:09:37+00:00

Thankyou very much everyone !

Can I ask also how do you move on ? I've got that horrible hurt feeling of not wanting to let her go, for me she is like a 11/10 catch and we had such great sex chemistry. The thought of someone else getting her makes me feel so shit inside and I find that bit one of the hardest to let go of Also the hardest part to accept is eventually there will be another man in my kids lives and this feels so bad how do you get use to that fact another man co parenting with your kids ?

Title	How do you deal ?
Author	HungryDadAUS
Upvotes	13
Comments	9
Date	December 1, 2019 8:56 AM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/e4ef44/how_do_you_deal/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/how-do-you-deal.818971 https://theredarchive.com/post/818971

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