Not sure if that belongs here as I am not divorced per say, but separated with the mother of my child.

I have always struggled with depression but I met what I thought was a wonderful woman 5 years ago. She had been maried twice and had a child from the second marriage, but she explained to me that her second husband was violent and abusive hence why he had disappeared from the picture.

I took the little man under my wings without questions, and saw him as my own child from day one. 4 months after we moved together, she asked me to conceive another child, which I was most happy with as I am very paternal. There were so many red flags since the beginning but I did not want to see any of them. How comes the first dad had disappeared? She said she was abused by her previous husband but at the same time, we had only been living together for a few months and she already wanted another kid. Quite irrational… But hey, I was madly in love.

At that time, I was both working and studying for a teaching degree, when my son was born with a cleft palate and tumor in his throat. Needless to say, there were stressful time. But we went through all of it, I was at the hospital all the time, day in day out, and the tumor was removed. Paternity, new job and previous depression made me turn to self medication with alcohol : oh I was not drinking everyday, far from it, but I confess I would drink above the limit to "relax" from a stressfull week. I was sometimes grumpy in the morning, but I was never violent. I never laid a hand on anyone and if I am bloodheaded, I have never been violent.

I was working 70hrs a week, had two teaching jobs during the week and in evenings and weekends, was Always home straight after work, never went out, cooked, read my son bedtime stories, gardening, DIY and spent Sundays with my family. I knew I was struggling but I thought I was doing alright, all things considered. We bought a house which I redecorated completely, built her a sauna, bought her a grand piano (she is a music teacher), and was giving her attention as much as I could. But it was not enough.

See, I was alone as she hates my family and my friends (all of them being of bad influence as she put it) when her parents and brother lived 5 minutes from our house, and we would see them almost weekly. As many other men out there, my close family (Partner and children) were the only people I would see apart from my colleagues. I had no life of my own, and frankly I was not looking to have one, as I thought I would put everything I had for her and my kids. I tried a few activities, but everytime she would lead me away from them, saying it took too much time and I had to concentrate on family and work. I was not allowed to leave the house without my phone, I had to go to bed at the same time as her, and so on. Months pass and I start getting cranky : I feel trapped even though I was still madly in love. My anxiety at work got worse, and I finally tried to get my mental health and misuse of alcohol under control. I took time off work to try and work that out, and she seemed to be extremely supportive. I knew she was upset with seeing me drink too much, but again, it was never during the week, only in evenings and once a Week mostly. I never soiled myself, never threw up, and even though the drinking was above the limit, the worse thing I did was to clean the kitchen at 3am and baked bread.

Long story short, she finally had enough : everything went south in two days. On a Sunday, I was going to have some wine with my meal, and she says that if I love her, I would not drink. I did not. But I could see that she was really upset. The two next Following days, she barely even exchanged a word with me and on the Wednesday, she doesn't come back home with both kids.

The next morning, on Thursday, she called me at noon, saying we should meet in a public place. We argued on the phone as I really saw no point on going outside to talk about our relationship. I finally gave up and agreed to meet in a cafe. But it never happened : outside of the house, the police was waiting for me. I was arrested for multiples rapes and children molestation (none of them ever occured of course). I still don't understand how I could be arrested on simple allégations : there was no proof whatsoever of those claims but still, I was detained for 13hours and when I was released at 2 in the morning after having given my statement, I was told that I was not allowed to come back at my house for 28 days. Again, there was no evidence for the claims, and all they had were both our statement.

I had nowhere to go but at my parents who, bear with me, live abroad. I was not allowed to contact my partner or my son for a month, during the preliminary investigation (UK). But it seems I was not seen as a very dangerous threat as they agreed for me to get my passport and cross the Channel to France. One Week after I was arrested, still in shock about what happened, I get a call from my work, saying that they knew I had left the country and that I had abandoned my role. I tried to explain the situation, but I was dismissed immediately.

The investigation reveals… Nothing of course. All charges were dropped and no action was taken by the police. However, my now ex partner had filed a non visitation order saying that I was not allowed to "threaten, harass or abuse" my ex or my son. I try to get her to drop the order, but she said to me "If you try to fight this order in court, I will win : mothers always win". Chilling.

It seems she had done roughly the same thing with her previous husband, which probably explains why he isn't around anymore. Now, 6 months later, I am jobless, back to my parents, with a crippling depression, a trauma from what happened, the feeling of loss and betrayal, haven't heard from my son since then despite having requested some news.

I am not quite sure why I am posting this. I probably just need to vent as it is a very difficult matter and sometimes I feel I am losing my mind. Was I such a terrible person to deserve to be written off my son's life? How did she manage to move from loving partner to complete stranger accusing me of the wildest things? I'd agree I was not perfect but truly I am neither a rapist or a child molester : we had a very enjoyable intimate life (she was quite demanding) and I am deeply in love with my son. And I took her previous son as my own!

God it's tough. In one day, moving from loving and loved father and partner to child abuser broke and alone. I am so shocked, still, that I am too feeble and frail to fight back. And quite truthfully, I am now scared of her.