I’m really not sure what I want out of posting this, maybe just to vent, maybe to get advice or hear similar stories and outcomes. I (33M) have been married to my wife (30F) for 6 years now and together for 11 years and have no kids.

The first few years of our relationship before getting engaged and then moving in together were pretty good. We had lots of fun traveling, going to concerts, going to the beach, hiking etc together, and had sex fairly often (at least 2-3 times per week, even though we were working and going through college.

Over the past 5-6 years this has been gradually but noticeably deteriorating due to my wife’s severe, “treatment resistant” depression, which is now at the point she rarely leaves our bed but for Doctor appts. She is off work on short term disability (for past 3 months) to get treatment for both her depression and addiction. I have to do absolutely everything with regards to running the household. I am and have always been the primary bread winner too (I make about 7-8 times what she does, and I doubt in the area we live, her income would support her.

She has been so much less active over the past 1-2 years with regards to even going to the movies let alone getting outdoors for fun. We have sex 2-3 times per year if I’m lucky and it’s gotten to the point I’d rather just masturbate than try with her and get rejected again.

She has told me that her depression is so bad that she can’t even fake being happy or interests anymore. She is actively getting treatment and recently discharged from a 1 month stint in a mental health facility, but no better off than before. She is waiting to start an intensive outpatient program as well.

Regardless of her attempts to help her depression and I really hope she can get better. I want out.

I feel we have grown too resentful of each other over the years from myself trying to get her to have fun with me when she doesn’t want to, and her rejecting me over and over.

With her unstable mental health, I don’t think we will ever have the possibility to have kids and a family. We never really talked and had a set answer from either of us that that’s what we wanted so no fault of hers there, but as I grow older and see friends having families, I have become more aware of my desire to have at least one child.

I’m becoming more aware our interests and views on many things do not align.

I am also sick of putting so much in and getting nada back. I know everything I give should be selfless and not expect anything back. But it’s hard to feel loved or in love when your SO does nothing to show this, even if it is because of the depression.

My big issue is, even though i feel divorce is the best outcome long term for both of us, how can I leave her when she is at the lowest point she’s ever been?

I don’t think this relationship ever has been or ever will be healthy tbh.

I feel trapped waiting for her to get better (which may never happen) even though the outcome is inevitable. Anyone been through this and what did you do?

Tl;dr

Severely depressed wife who hasn’t made me feel loved in years. Never does anything fun together and barely have sex. Coming to realize we were never right for each other despite her depression so am convinced we should divorce now. Too worried what will happen to her if I do this now when she is at the lowest point of depression she’s ever been, but not sure that will ever improve. Any similar stories or advice?