Hello everyone,

As you may have guessed, i'm in this sub because i'm facing a divorce. My STBX and I have been married for 14 years and have a 4 year old boy. I'm currently in the service and stationed overseas, so that makes things feel more difficult in the end. Our marriage wasn't perfect by any means, but as time went along, I felt that I was the only one trying to make it work. I took us to counseling, couples workgroups, and plain out sat her down multiple times to set the record straight on what I wasn't happy with. I let so much BS pass because I didn't want to start conflict, or rock the boat; I felt that she knew this and took advantage.

I'm not going to go through everything that went wrong, but here are a few cliff notes: dropped out of college twice (while not working and with no kids; online courses), went 8 years without working simply because she didn't want to (again, I let alot slide), Stopped taking care of herself physically, mentally, and spirtually,vbasically gave up on the relationship as a whole, and of course, no intimacy sometimes for months on end. I hoped that when our son was born she'd snap out of it, but little changed. Dont' get me wrong though, she is an excellent mother. Our son is extremely gifted for his age, and I'll never deny that's all her. However, other than that there has been no spark anymore. We both agree that we're less like husband and wife, and more like roommates with shared bills and responsibilities.

I told her earlier this month that I think we should file for divorce. I said we because I (foolishly) hoped that we could work together for a amicable split and save ourselves alot of finacial troubles. Of course she feels blindsided and says the decision is not mutual, so now i'm looking for attorneys and such. I decided to give her a few days to process what was happening, I couldn't throw her out or leave myself since we're from Georgia and are stationed in Germany. During this time, we sat down and had a deep conversation about what went wrong; it turns out that we both made some assumptions about what the other was feeling. She admitted that she gave up, and basically tried to do whatever I asked in order to avoid conflict. The jacked up part is that during this time she admitted to having constant thoughts of self harm and suicide. Being a service member, I immediately took her to the chaplian and the mental health providers. They had me hide all the over the counter and precription meds. She's currently on anti-depressants (which I give her along with her other meds), and talking to a therapist. The last blow in the story is the fact that she'll only be able to afford (very) low income housing, and have to work multiple jobs to support herself. I know that I shouldn't feel anything at this point, but I hate the thought.

I know that i'm unhappy, and have been for years. Even my son has shown that he's noticed (through pictures dipicting me as a very frowny guy and constantlyl asking "what's the matter"). I know that the fact that she'll be worse without me is something she's brought on herself. I know that the constant feeling of anxiety is the fear I feel from the thought of being being a single father, and the fear that i'm not good enough. I know that our time together has made our situation so familiar to me that the thought of it changing terrifies me. I know all this, but I still feel like rolling into a ball and crying every moment of the day. I decided to help her get on the path to recovery, but have made it clear that nothing has changed between us. We've done the dance of Fine > Resentful > Angry > Last Chance > and back to Fine again so many times that I don't want to keep doing it anymore. I don't know what i'm expecting from writing this. Maybe some advice, validation, or just to vent. Sorry for the long post, and I hope the guys here are having a better time at it than I am.