GF’s friend is apparently a real toxic misandrist, hates me and manipulates my GF. How to react and get out of the situation without becoming a target?

Raider1FN · 2021-03-13T17:56:50+00:00

Also bro, record every interaction when you finally confront her, don't give in to her trying to manipulate you into doing something stupid that she can use against you.

oafsalot · 2021-03-13T20:56:23+00:00

Sorry. But my advise is simple, cut your losses. These people are not to be toyed with, they're dangerous women and they will stop at nothing to control other women.

intactUS_throwaway · 2021-03-13T19:11:14+00:00

If she's having a hard time deciding between someone she supposedly loves and someone telling her to hate you and everyone with the same genotype as you, that kinda says it's time to move on. Which I know isn't an easy task when you're invested, but it sounds like she's not as invested as you are (if at all) if she's this split.

DougDante · 2021-03-13T19:15:52+00:00

I am not a lawyer and this is not legal advice.

Document document document.

This sounds like a hostile environment for your girlfriend and yourself based on sex and sexual orientation. Given the constant pressure to break up with you, the abuser may also be sexually harassing your girlfriend, weaponizing these rants to drive her away from you so that her abuser can further manipulate her into an unwanted relationship.

Hostile Environment is similar in most places. Here is USA:

A situation of discriminatory or sexual nature that has occurred and created a adverse setting An intimidating or offensive environment that causes a person to be fearful A setting that denies, limits, or interferes with a person's ability to participate in or benefit from a program, activity, or job Examples

Bullying, abusive or intimidating comments and actions Intimidating or offensive comments that alter the conditions of a person's work, classroom, team, or program environment Continual offensive comments or surroundings of a discriminatory or sexual nature

https://www.venturacollege.edu/college-information/about-ventura-college/title-ix/definitions

In Finland you can complain.

https://syrjinta.fi/en/discrimination-and-equality

Consider filing a complaint with the university. You do not normally need to be a student.

She also fears that she might become a target for bullying or something

She's already a target. So are you. You can agree together to gather evidence and not move forward until this person no longer has power over her.

If your abuser intends to go into a regulated profession, such as social worker or lawyer, consider retaining evidence and complaining to the licensing board before she obtains her license. A person with these types of behaviors can be dangerous to children and other vulnerable people.

Raider1FN · 2021-03-13T17:55:03+00:00

I don't even need to read this whole thing to tell you, If you're GF is having a hard time between you and her friends, especially when her friends are putting you down. It shows how much respect your GF actually has for you. To hell with her and her stupid friends, drop her ass. It's not worth it, there's no incentive and it's not going to change. Shes going to choose her friends.

Which means she will also be talked into cheating. Drop her ass! Have more respect for yourself! Stay strong my brother. Don't take anything from her. Give her absolutely nothing, walk away. Say you deserve more respect then she's giving, drop the mic and DO NOT look back, leave and cut her off. Be done! Be a man bro. ✊

eetuua · 2021-03-13T19:08:31+00:00

Don't break up with your gf without having a serious talk, discuss all the things that her friend is making you insecure of her and if she's the one, she'll probably take your side. Then it'll be just two of you left, no sexism you can fight both misogyny and misandry 😀

BajingoWhisperer · 2021-03-13T21:36:08+00:00

Nah fuck that. Your GF needs to go she doesn't respect you and you've already lost this battle. The fact that she is prioritizing herself in this situation is proof enough. If it's really "our" apartment start planning to need a new place, if it's your apartment stop allowing the feminist in she don't need a man for a study location.

suicidemeteor · 2021-03-13T22:59:24+00:00

Some guy commented this " Actually I just had a though. Tell your GF to tell her that you broke up and she wants to get back at you, to push for something drastic, tell her to buy in to it all and see just how far down the rabbit hole this woman goes. Tell her she needs to know how dangerous this person actually is. "

Just putting it here so you can see, it might be the thing needed to make your GF realize how bad this woman is. If you do this tell your GF to DOCUMENT EVERYTHING and GTFO if she gets uncomfortable.

Coochieeater456 · 2021-03-13T23:39:03+00:00

Dude she’s manipulating ur girl, either dump her or actively stand up for her and bear in mind THERE NOT YOUR FRIENDS if she claims your mansplaining or some shit who cares, stand up to her

AppleJuicePro · 2021-03-13T19:45:50+00:00

I don't have any real advice except to record everything whenever this woman is in your home. Can't be too careful.

SnooBeans6591 · 2021-03-13T21:06:17+00:00

Maybe your girlfriend could try to talk in a relatively neutral way to the other (non crazy) friends? It's likely that they are just as annoyed but don't dare to speak up. Maybe this could set things moving, that together they tell her they don't like her misandry.

Often, people just are too afraid to say something because they are unsure if they are the only one who sees the problem. This leads to asshole being unchallenged.

Metrack14 · 2021-03-14T03:21:30+00:00

Of course I have been furious at my GF for allowing her to talk like that in our home.

My GF told me she has also suggested breaking up with me (for no reason?), and that my GF should take precautions because I might hurt her or rape her.

Either your GF is dense as mountain, or is more blind than a blind person in outer space without a single light source around. Like everyone said, record everything.

How do you have someone who legit treats and speaks like that to your supposedly loved ones?.

Ask your GF, how she (GF) would feel if the friend change her hate from "Men" to a color of skin, or a religion, or heck, literally anything else?, would she still be able to hang out with that psycho?. and if the answer, whatever you believe in forbids it, is "yes",or heck, a hint of doubt, it is GTFO.

Thatshadowguy91 · 2021-03-13T20:28:03+00:00

The best thing you can do is consistently prove her wrong by action (which is the truth in 99% of situations). Look at the variables you can control. Directly telling your girl not to hang out with this person could easily come across as controlling, and the friend could use this as examples and ammunition (saying things like "he's trying to isolate you, that's the first thing abusers do" and "Why is he so threatened by what I'm saying? It must be true!" etc.). Carry yourself like a standup man, with integrity and strength. Prove her wrong about you by action. Don't let her words hurt you but also don't let her get away with saying whatever she wants. If she says something disrespectful to you in your own home tell her as much. Tell her you have a right to not be disrespected in your home. Ask her how she would feel if you came into her space insulting her. Don't fight or argue, state it plainly. Set ground rules and tell her if she can't follow them she's not welcome in your home. Talk to your GF about how she makes you feel disrespected and why, if she's a good partner she'll get it (and if she's not add it to a red flag list, one red flag isn't make or break since no one is perfect but if you're noticing more and more red flags shes not the one). Tell this person you view her as an individual and tell her you'd like to be viewed and judged as the same. Go into this conversations knowing you're not going to change her mind, these ideas are the core of her being, and you're the enemy. You're having them to set boundaries and preserve self-respect, not to change minds. I know this is a perfect world version of what to do, and it's okay if the actions you take aren't perfect, but there's definitely value in the words.

Greg_W_Allan · 2021-03-14T00:19:43+00:00

I have also heard her complaining about me, she probably didn’t realize I was home lol.

It's your home. You have every right to be free of such hatred in that environment and should be laying down the law. Give them their marching orders.

Owenmolava · 2021-03-14T09:45:57+00:00

Sounds like someone is trying to "recruit a new player to their side" if you catch my drift.

boringcarpets · 2021-03-14T10:27:27+00:00

ABR, always be recording. Chances are this hatred and manipulation will lead to her "reframing" a situation or argument for your gf, and you catch an accusation.

There are other women, and ones who don't have trash friends, you're probably better off finding one of those rather than reward the behaviour of keeping that friend around

Tylerblidgen · 2021-03-14T04:09:16+00:00

Hire someone to beat them up. (Im joking)

makosh22 · 2021-03-14T12:53:34+00:00

The very first rule before one goes to help anybody: if the person in question doesn't want any help you won't be able to help. And more - you will be blamed for interference. So, before any movements - ask you gf and make sure it is obvious.

You can ban this person from your home. It's the only way you can stop listening to her nonsense. But your gf STILL can communicate with her. And you said that she really has to do it as she is afraid of being bullied.

So, the main step should be done from her side. You wrote that other ppl in the group are not so radical but they also afraid to say smth against this woman. So you all live in fear and tyranny. Do you both want to live like that? It damages mental health and physicals as well.

You gf is afraid to be alone without this group, but... who said that there are no other ppl without them? There are plenty! And nice ppl too!

I guess that i am older than you (i am 40), but now i know for sure that such toxic relations based upon submission and fear must be avoided.

Bara-enthusiast · 2021-03-16T14:07:36+00:00

Ill be your gay, raging mosogynist friend. Meet us

I'll resolve it

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