Righting the wrongs of spousal rape one elderly, defenseless man a time. This person wrote a lengthy essay about how proud they are to get started. So glad no one I know is in her care.

Edit: This post really blew up - thank you for all the awards and support! I would like to clarify something: I do not work on an Alzheimers/Dementia unit anymore but when I did, I was always dealing with the most difficult residents because my coworkers wouldn't. The workload was never even - it was ALWAYS me having to get beat up and groped. I am currently a night shift supervisor on the main floor of the same facility.

Edit#2 My issue isn't with difficult residents: my issue is nobody listening when the systems in place have failed. When interventions don't work, etc. It gets even harder because you're supposed to stop care if they refuse but its literal neglect to leave them in their own filth. The shift before me were favored by our supervisor - they left these people in bed all day because they "refused" which made their behaviors twice as bad. If we let them "refuse," we were written up.

...is more common than most people think. Allow me to introduce myself:

I am 33F and I work as a night shift supervisor in a nursing home.

Prior to that, I worked 5 years on the Alzheimers/Dementia unit of the same facility.

Suffice to say, I know my shit. Moving on.

I'm sick of women being expected to endure physical/verbal/sexual abuse because...

"It comes with the territory."

"They don't know any better."

"You signed up for this."

"You can't leave them like that."

These are terrible excuses and anyone that utters them should not be allowed to work in healthcare.

Healthcare workers, like myself, weren't very well taken care of during covid. As the world knows.

But I wonder if it goes deeper than that. I wonder if women in healthcare are sick of absorbing everybody's dysfunction. From the residents/patients to the CNAs and nurses.

There's nothing worse than a lazy nurse. Or a cliquey nurse.

But there's nothing worse than a lazy CNA. Or a cliquey CNA.

Adding into that mix, the residents/patients that are commenting on your body, trying to grab your butt or boobs, trying to kiss you, pull you in bed with them...

...or those really combative ones. The one's that scratch, spit, bite.

No matter where you look, we're absorbing somebody's dysfunction somewhere and the root problem is the enabling of these behaviors.

"They didn't mean it..."

"They don't know any better..."

"He's old and usually so sweet..." (You clearly don't work night shift but that's another war for another day)

I said all of that to say this:

Women in society have been taught to absorb everyone's dysfunction.

Not only to absorb it, but excuse it and be gracious about it too.

From our bosses, to our partners, to our coworkers - we are seen as the comforters and the caregivers.

It's only a problem when we turn some of that comfort and care toward ourselves.

I am now a night shift supervisor in a nursing home and I refuse to allow myself endure that sort of thing.

If a resident is being combative and gropey, they are instructed to ensure resident safety, chart their behaviors, come get me and we will approach that resident together.

Nothing will change if us women don't look out for each other.

I refuse to stand by and allow another woman be expected to endure trauma and abuse because "it comes with the territory."

Just like marriage comes with rape?

A career comes with objectification?

"It comes with the territory."

Not on my watch, it doesn't. I'm done. I'm picking up my flag and moving out of this territory.

I'm changing the narrative: this is abuse and you don't have to take it.

I needed to vent and get these things off my chest. I needed to share this with women that would understand. I needo share this because my own traumas are resurfacing and I want to help others.

Thank you for reading.