Having children out of wedlock is at a current record rate and forced fatherhoodis a major talking point in the MRM.

Having children outside of marriage is shameful. It's not politically correct for me to say so, but once you take the red pill it absolutely is. Sure, accidents happen. Plenty of whoopsie-babies have pre-empted happy, life long marriages. But plenty of them have not.

Let's treat this as what it is, an accident we should strive to avoid.

Getting pregnant on "accident" is a lazy strategey with if-y results

The fact of the matter is, a lot of women get purposefully lax on contraception before engagement and this is the one of the bluest of the blue pill strategies a woman can engage. There's no secret why; it's easier to get pregnant than convince your boyfriend to put a ring on it. And the law is on the side of the unwed mother; she's entitled to child support and can legally remain bound to her one-time boyfriend for the next two decades.

But though he may be on the hook for financial support, that doesn't obligate him to be in a relationship let alone a marriage. Sadder still, it doesn't obligate him to be a Dad. That's what's truly tragic about pregnancy entrapment; it robs children of an eager father. It's a selfish choice to use a baby as a pawn in your "game."

It's a pricey mistake in terms of getting the relationship you want

Being a single mother leaves you at a huge disadvantage in the dating market. Huge. Men are wired to invest in their progeny and spurn those of others. Even compassionate family oriented men bristle at the suggestion of adoption or becoming a foster parent. This isn't logical, this is a deep seated primal drive in men. good luck talking them out of it. The instant family-just-add-daddy proposition is a massive boner killer.

So what do we do?

Figure out what you want. Most women want a family and children in their life. Even if it's years before you can see yourself getting pregnant keep that goal in mind when it comes to who you date and who you invest a long term relationship in.

Once you've dated someone for a substantial amount of time make it clear that children is something you want out of life. Don't hesitate to put an expiration date on a relationship; if there's not a proposal by x date, move on. You don't need to give your man an ultimatum (that may not be the wisest move), but stick to your schedule regardless of whether he's ware of it. You are worth it. Having the life you always dreamed of is worth it. If there's any time it's important to be strong and assertive it's with this. You only have a finite amount of time to to find and build a solid relationship with the father of your children.

There are some men who'll consent to having a baby without marrying you. This is a big red flag. A child is a bigger deal than a marriage. If he loves you that much he'll put it in writing. Otherwise he's dicking you around.

I think it would be nice to start a discussion about finding quality men, building solid relationships, and sniffing out when a guy is jerking you around about promises of an engagement or kids.

Remember, if you decide to hurry things along with a surprise pregnancy you do so at your own risk.

Some other points to consider:

  • Socially conservative areas have higher rates of teen pregnanc and birth, as well as divorce. This is counter intuitive superficially, but makes a lot of sense when we consider conservative attitudes towards sex-ed and contraception. If the accepted response to teen sexuality is shotgun weddings instead of access to birth control, you're gonna have a bad time.

*Being poor makes women much more likely to chose out of wedlock births. The reasons for this are complicated, but there's an overwhelming theme of despair for these women. They can't imagine completing higher education, having a career, or marrying a good man, but getting pregnant is totally do-able and being a mother is an easy path to respectability.

Conclusion

Liberalism tells us judging out of wedlock births is taboo and conservatism has utterly failed in practice. It's up to us an individuals to make the best choices for ourselves and families. Valuing ourselves is the first step. We shouldn't settle for a live-in boyfriend if we want a husband or a man who's ambiguous about children when we know we want them.

-edited for formatting.