Should women have authority over the physical household?

NotGoodAtUsernames1 · 2013-06-28T15:47:21+00:00

No one person should have authority over a house hold. It should be a joint partnership between 2 equals. In reality it sounds like your husband is just inconsiderate, yes you have the right to ask him to be considerate and not wear shoes in the house or leaving random messes. I am guilty of my dresser being a mess, but I would not expect anyone to deal with that but me.

[deleted] · Sun Jun 30 3:25:50 2013 UTC

[permanently deleted]

The_Ringmistress · 2013-06-28T16:04:23+00:00

Headship is related to decision making authority.

Make a good meal for your husband, set the table nicely, do what you can to make him comfortable, and then let him know that you want to make his home as pleasant for him as possible. Ask him what his expectations are for you as a housekeeper. And let him know what things he could do that would make your job easier.

Don't tell him to take his shoes off. Instead, set up a place to put shoes, along with a basket of slippers, and let him know that you've made a place for him to slip his shoes of when he comes in. This should be about him having a pleasant homecoming. If he's baffled why he should do this, let him know that you want to keep the home tidy and going about in house shoes and slippers makes it easier to keep the dirt out.

If there is something you would like him to do, ask him if he would do it. The end goal is that you both live in a pleasant home.

Leaving the clothes out for him to put away may come off as passive-aggressive. Ask for permission to organize his clothes, or for a tour of his dresser and closet so that you can put things away as he prefers.

If you have agreed to a more traditional arrangement of roles in the home, he may be expecting you to keep house as you see fit and wondering why you aren't doing so. Be open and talk about expectations. Don't blame or make accusations.

momzill · 2013-06-29T14:11:06+00:00

We're both new to both living together

Consider this from a 53-year old...

however you interact, whatever boundaries you set up now, you will spend your entire married life living with those decisions.

Should I be able to tell him

Whatever follows that statement, the answer is yes you should always be able to tell him and discuss things with him. Communications is the key to a happy relationship. If somethings bothers you and you let it go, it will start to build up as resentment in you.

Nutz76 · 2013-06-28T16:16:22+00:00

I suggest reviewing the captain/first officer relationship model posted at www.marriedmansexlife.com It's a good starting point for figuring out how your household responsibilities will be handled.

margerym · 2013-06-28T16:38:17+00:00

I think this is going to vary but I do. He does pick up after himself but with things like folding and putting away laundry (when he isn't home, that is) and what not I deal with all of that from start to finish (though I know how he likes things done from my asking initially). With something like the dresser I would clean/dust around and under his stuff and leave it for him to deal with because I have no idea what they are or what sort of system he has going. I may ask him when he gets home for future reference.

But in order to know how to run his household sufficiently you really need to ask what he wants. He won't get angry with you for not being a mind reader if he is a reasonable man. Sit down with a pen and paper and figure this all out. Keep it on hand until you commit it to memory. Have him review it so you are both on the same page.

Big_Man_On_Campus · 2013-06-29T16:44:38+00:00

If you're a woman attempting to run a physical home, then own it. This means that you take responsibility for meals and cleanliness. Once you have owned responsibility in this department, you can clearly inform your man about what specific things you need to keep things clean.

Frankly, if I met a woman who actually owned and took responsibility for keeping house, I would be much much more forgiving of her rules for helping with that (within reason). If she's asking me for something that is truly annoying to do, then my only problem is with the inconvenience, not that she's taking responsibility for the house.

Men keep house only when women fail to own that task. Own that job and that should give you some leeway in demanding how the house functions. Rights/Privileges only come with responsibility. It's when people ask for favors/privileges with no responsibility is when there is a problem.

maybestomorrow · 2013-06-30T21:40:37+00:00

You've made an arrangement that suits both of you, but forgot the ground rules. They normally get made up as you go along so don't worry about it. The worst thing you can do is wait until you're really angry and then talk about it.

The clothes - he probably doesn't care if where they go so that's up to you. If you want to organise his dresser then ask if that's ok, if not then just shove them in or buy a trunk for his t-shirts and jeans. Just ask him to put the dirty clothes in the hamper, he'll forget sometimes, no ones perfect (same with dishes). Receipts and misc. junk can be shoved in a shoe box and dumped under the bed.

He's not as clean or organised as you but that's ok, there's probably things he's better at than you. I've always done more cleaning in relationships because I like my surroundings to be tidy, you just have to accept that not everyone's the same and decide what you can live with, what you can't and what you can just fix yourself.

sugarcrush · 2013-06-28T16:14:19+00:00

I don't think you need to "tell" him to do these things in a statement/command kind of way (ex: take off your shoes when you come inside). A kind request should do just fine, since I'm sure he wants to make you happy too! Something like, "Could you please start taking your shoes off when you come inside? I think it would keep the floors cleaner." Then put a shoe rack by the door or wherever.

p3ndulum · 2013-06-29T04:56:30+00:00

Should I be able to tell him not to wear his shoes in the apartment after he gets home?

You might need to catch him in the moment, while he's still at/near the front door. A simple "shoes, please!" should be enough, and then thank him with a kiss (or a cookie, or whatever) if he complies.

It's just like training a dog, really. Rubbing a dogs nose in his own shit 10 minutes after he leaves a mess is just confusing and makes the dog insecure, but if you can stop him in the act with pleasant calm/assertive energy (try to avoid sounding angry/frustrated), he'll learn that it's not appropriate very quickly.

If you get on him about it long after he's already entered the home and invested in something - be it a television show or whatever - it's going to frustrate him to be interrupted to retrace his steps. Which will eventually make you a source of negativity.

So ya, just get him at the door. It should only take one or two times before his brain is programmed to do it automatically.

Title	Should women have authority over the physical household?
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	5
Comments	21
Date	June 28, 2013 3:43 PM UTC (13 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/1h94zs/should_women_have_authority_over_the_physical/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/should-women-have-authority-over-the-physical.83844 https://theredarchive.com/post/83844

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