Opinions on this piece? Judge's letter to 14 year old embroiled in custody case.

SavageLinguist · 2020-11-25T05:06:55+00:00

I don’t see how switching from home to home each week could be too much for the kid. I think being forced to only spend a few days a month with his father is what’s not good for him

2020-11-26T13:19:08+00:00

Honestly it's disgusting. I mean I have no idea what kind of person his father is, but the things this judge says to the boy is revolting.

Here are a few excerpts:

I see someone who is troubled, not happy. He has not achieved his goals in life – apart of course from having you. Because of his personality style, and the love you feel for him, he has a lot of influence over you. All fathers influence their sons, but your father goes a lot further than that. I'm quite clear that if he was happy with the present arrangements, you probably would be too. Because he isn't, you aren't.

My view is that you brought the proceedings mainly as a way of showing your dad how much you love him. It was mainly to meet his needs, and not yours.

Your mother certainly finds his behaviour difficult, so difficult that she avoids contact with him whenever possible. I don't think you yet realise the influence that your father has over you. It leads you to side with him and praise him whenever you can. You don't do the same for your mother. Why is that? Is it because you sense that he needs it and she doesn't?

My conclusion about all this, I'm afraid, is that, whether he knows it or not, your father has a manipulative side.

So I respect your views, but I don't take them at face value because I think they are significantly formed by your loyalty to your father.

Although your dad is not that impressed with your school, most kids across the country would give a lot to have the life chances you already have. You don't need more chances, or changes, but rather to make to most of what you have already.

I will make an order under s.91(14) of the Children Act that no further applications concerning you can be brought before the court by anyone, including yourself, without the Designated Family Judge giving permission.

Sam, I realise that this order is not the one that you said you wanted me to make, but I am confident that it is the right order for you in the long run. Whatever each of your parents might think about it, I hope they have the dignity not to impose their views on you, so that you can work things out for yourself.

That last sentence in particular galls me. The boy himself brought it to court - and looking at what the judge replied with...

😓

That judge ought to be ashamed of himself.

Edit: As for the father, it's beside the point. I'm not commenting on the verdict itself, which may very well have been warranted based on the personal dynamics which can't be seen here. The matter of not having a laid out plan before emigrating with your son is not acceptable at all.

Ukman_44 · 2020-11-25T15:18:52+00:00

If "Sam" had said he wanted to stay with his mother, the court would have said he's 14 which makes him old enough to decide for himself. However because he didn't choose the option the biased UK courts wanted him to, the judge wrote this letter and overruled it.

nothing_anyway · 2020-11-25T03:51:41+00:00

I couldn't form an opinion without seeing what happened in court. At least reading the transcript.

This judge has obviously laid out a very well spoken case, it is obvious it is against the father. However he does make strong point about certain things. Mainly the father had made no effort to find work, a place to live, they dont speak the language, they had not been to the country in over 10 years.

The father says his plan was to do that once the court agreed he could go. However if the father was serious he would have established a life or at least a job there and shown the court he could do it. The court basically said that was the biggest factor.

The judge didn't need to have the psychoanalyst of the father, however he was trying to convey to the son how he formed his opinions. I think this judge most likely made the right call, again though wont make full judgement unless i could read court transcripts

Ok-Rush-5486 · 2020-11-25T21:50:05+00:00

Your mum and Paul are very against you seeing more of your dad.

Pikachu shocked face

343-guilty-mendicant · 2020-11-26T02:16:19+00:00

Solid-Perspective98 · 2020-11-25T04:02:35+00:00

It's impossible to draw a conclusion without having contextual details. The child's sentiment is important but the notion of well-being is much more holistic than that. I hope that the judge can throughoutly consider the circumstances and order the most suitable arrangement.

Beastmodetransform · 2020-11-25T03:51:30+00:00

”Your dad thinks he would find a good life and good work there, but I have seen nothing to back that up – he hasn't made a single enquiry about houses, schools or jobs. You don't speak the language and you haven't been there since before you were 5. Even your dad hasn't been there for over 10 years. I also doubt his ability to provide you with a secure home and a reasonable standard of living if you lived with him full-time.”

Title	Opinions on this piece? Judge's letter to 14 year old embroiled in custody case.
Author	nomad_world
Upvotes	16
Comments	24
Date	November 25, 2020 3:30 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/k0k96q/opinions_on_this_piece_judges_letter_to_14_year/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/opinions-on-this-piece-judges-letter-to-14-year.839790 https://theredarchive.com/post/839790

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