Expect Nothing. Appreciate Everything.

PhantomDream09 · 2014-03-12T00:53:55+00:00

I'm with you on the "appreciate everything" part...and I understand what you're getting at with the concept of expectations. That said, there are certain fundamental things that I expect from my SO. For example, no cheating (that goes for both of us), I expect him to take the lead in our relationship and make decisions decisively. I expect him to tell me if (and when) I'm out of line. There are fundamental things that have been established and are instrumental to keeping our relationship strong.

Expectations that stem from entitlement however, can be damaging. "He should buy me flowers", or "He needs to do what I say" for example, are detrimental.

Women should also set positive expectations for themselves. "I expect to make my SO as happy as possible", "I expect myself to be selfless and grateful", "I expect myself to be happy and loving and kind."

SoftHarem · 2014-03-12T00:39:09+00:00

Expectations are nothing more than future disappointments.

skunchers · 2014-03-12T06:47:14+00:00

Two things struck a chord with me in the comments here.

Women should also set positive expectations for themselves. "I expect to make my SO as happy as possible", "I expect myself to be selfless and grateful", "I expect myself to be happy and loving and kind."

Oh my goodness if someone had given me this tip ages ago, mind you I may have not taken it to heart, I think I may have been quite a lot less unhappy in relationships. The only person we are ever accountable for is ourselves.

And:

expectations are like covert contracts, something you harbor in your mind your SO is blissfully unaware of til they disappoint you and the shit hits the fan

I cannot even count the number of times in my head in the past that I've said to myself "My goodness, I wish X would call or text. If he hasn't by 3pm I feel I am vindicated in being upset" Or in that way when we make these mental movies of how a situation might go, and it doesn't?

Men aren't mind readers. Nor is it their job really to placate every insecurity that pops up into our brains. We can effectively communicate what we might like. Here's where it gets a bit sticky for me at least. Since I've been through the wringer a time or two being too trusting and assuming or expecting that the person I am with only has OUR best interests in mind, and come to find that I'm a plate, or that worse I'm being financially/emotionally used and abused.

Those are me issues, and I can't expect anyone I'm dating to change their behaviour and treat me more delicately because of it. So maybe the only expectations I can realistically have, are ones I hold myself to.

If he calls or texts, my heart leaps and I'm awash with the happiest of feelings. Seriously the littlest things can make my day. But at the end of the day, I shouldn't allow my emotional well being and happiness to 100% hinge on someone else's behaviour.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that despite the past, regardless of how I'm feeling I should remind myself more often to keep trusting others and keep being someone worthwhile in my own right.

2014-03-12T14:22:59+00:00

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boozemunkee · 2014-03-12T02:20:27+00:00

I have been working on trying to expect less from C. Sometimes I react too harshly when our plans change slightly, which may not be noticeable to me, but he recognizes when I'm upset because my tone changes.

Right now, I'm trying too be a lot less of a stickler about plans. Since I always try to be on time and expect that of myself, I try to push that expectation on him, too. It's unfair to do that kind of thing to your SO, especially since there's nothing that says they're required to meet all of your expectations. We're human. Nothing is perfect and things are almost always changing, even in subtle ways.

FleetingWish · 2014-03-12T17:58:23+00:00

Even though we're all prone to do it, expectation is a terrible thing. If you expect someone to do something for you, it creates an obligation in them. That makes it so they are no longer doing things because they want to, and instead doing things because they have to, and getting no reward for it (since when something is expected, it doesn't merit a reward like something "special" would get). This inevitably makes them feel resentful, and less willing to do things on your behalf. Expectation is a negative cycle.

It also blocks off your ability to feel appreciation. Appreciation is the feeling of surprise or joy when something happens that you didn't expect. When you feel surprise and joy because of something your partner did, and share that with him, that becomes a reward for what he did. When you smile and thank him, he thinks "Wow, that really made her happy. I should do that again", you're rewarding his behavior by reacting with happiness, and the reward makes him likely want to do it again. Appreciation is a positive cycle.

2014-03-12T22:08:25+00:00

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We_Are_Legion · 2014-03-14T15:29:48+00:00

Sounds very much like what the Buddha and many schools of mindfulness and meditation teach. Its a great philosophy to arrive at on your own. And there's a wealth of material on the lifestyle if you're interested. I remember the book "Mindfulness in Plain English" going over an introduction to this idea(originally from the Buddha thousands of years ago) and how to realize it through meditation.

Title	Expect Nothing. Appreciate Everything.
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	24
Comments	32
Date	March 11, 2014 11:33 PM UTC (12 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/206lag/expect_nothing_appreciate_everything/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/expect-nothing-appreciate-everything.84317 https://theredarchive.com/post/84317

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