Looking for patterns, trying to be better

HappyWifeLife · 2014-10-08T14:49:11+00:00

I don't mean to be rude but you've written a bunch of words that contain almost no details and leaves nothing to work with.

Why did your other relationships end? Are you keeping in shape? Just how badly do you need the last word? I'm grasping at straws here

TheTerrorSquad · 2014-10-08T16:14:24+00:00

All of them go on to marry the next woman. This speaks volumes and it tell me that whatever reason these guys don't want to marry you are profound. Conveniently you have left it all out bar " I like the last word"

You can't just "flip a switch " in men you have to work hard.

widdley · 2014-10-08T15:00:09+00:00

In all these long term relationships, it seems like communication is lacking. My boyfriend and I knew from the get go what we expected from the relationship. You need to sit down with your boyfriend and have a serious talk about if he sees you two getting married and, especially because of your age if you want to have children, a timeline for that happening.

Don't have the talk right when he gets home from work or when you're both about to go to bed-- give him a heads up that theres something you'd like to discuss in the morning and then when he gets home get him a snack and let him unwind while you make dinner, then maybe bring it up during or after your meal. If he wants to think about it, allow him to, but also set a deadline on when you are going to discuss it again. This may seem like nagging, but I think as long as you only bring it up when you say you will it really is a fundamental requirement of a relationship to be headed in the same direction, especially when you've been dating so long.

Be prepared for not hearing what you want though--and decide what steps you will take ahead of time so you don't end up throwing a tantrum or hamstering your way into being okay with a relationship that isn't heading towards marriage. RPW is about submissiveness to a Captain who is a good leader to YOU. And if that means he needs to have marriage and kids in mind then you should find someone who fits that mold, while continuing to improve yourself to be someone a Captain like that would want as a first mate. Good Luck!

aprettylotus · 2014-10-08T20:02:19+00:00

When you and your current guy fight, are they similar to fights you've had with previous men? That would be one of the first things I would look at.

Also, did he sort of change on the idea of marriage that far into the relationship?

Before I got serious with my current SO, I was dating a lot and meeting new guys. One of the first things I would always try to feel out is "what does he want?"

Some men want to date you but want nothing serious, they don't mind taking you out to nice dates, maybe on a cruise or something, but they aren't thinking about marriage or it's not something they want.

I knew that I wanted marriage, I wanted a home, I wanted a family, and I wanted the right guy to be with. So this was for me the criteria for being with someone. If the guy I was dating didn't indicate that he wanted this, what was the point I thought, because I would spend a couple years with them, get two years older, be that less desirable to a man I wanted to settle down with, and then end up being at that age where there only available men are those who are divorced and have children from a previous marriage.

Just some words to think about OP.

RainbowDress · 2014-10-09T01:07:56+00:00

I feel like I'm taking care of his needs

Stop right there. His needs aren't taken care of just because YOU feel that they are. Question is how does he feel about it.

Edit; just wanted to add that it may seem silly but it would be helpful to change this mindset. For example, a few of my gfs will interpret actions based on what it would mean if they were the one doing it..."he was really touchy feely the first couple dates and really affectionate, then he just disappeared. It seemed like he was into me!" Thinking that since they would be touchy feely with a guy only if they wanted a relationship. You may think you're meeting his needs because you would be satisfied with you, but it doesn't work that way. Being less self centered will help you see what his needs are. Start by quitting that last word bs. It sounds like if he heard you tell him "you know what honey, you're right," his jaw would drop.

Title	Looking for patterns, trying to be better
Author	petit-four
Upvotes	6
Comments	5
Date	October 8, 2014 7:44 AM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/2in45c/looking_for_patterns_trying_to_be_better/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/looking-for-patterns-trying-to-be-better.84936 https://theredarchive.com/post/84936

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