I want to be feminist, but I’m worried that my reaction to my sexual assault is not compatible with feminism. If not compatible, I would like to know what steps to take to be able to have a more appropriate reaction if I’m ever sexually assaulted again.

219 points•170 comments•submitted by jessjoshinya to r/AskFeminists

I don’t know if I can call myself a feminist yet because I’m still learning a lot and I just don’t feel like I know enough yet to be able to wear that mantle respectfully.

But I certainly try my damndest to recognize sexism and avoid it at every juncture.

I am a 24 year old man. Last year I came home to visit family for Christmas. I went to the popular bar of my hometown.

An older women, probably forties, kept dancing on me and grinding on me without permission and despite the clearly uncomfortable expression on my face. Also she was with an older gentleman who kept glaring at me like I was flirting with his wife or girlfriend or whatever she was.

Then she came up to my ear and whispered that I was a “cutie pie” and fully grabbed my penis and testicles and then walked away.

I felt so trapped in that moment. There was so much anger in me, but what disturbed me was that the entire time it was happening, all I could think about was “how do I need to behave right now so that this woman doesn’t get me in trouble for something?”

Like, I felt that even if I were to tell her that she was making me uncomfortable by touching my body, that would somehow backfire and end up getting me in trouble, like she might accuse me of insinuating something inappropriate.

Basically I felt powerless in that moment because I didn’t want her to continue molesting me, but I was afraid of what consequences might befall me if I were to say anything to her about it or physically remove her from me.

My question pertains to males here who are GENUINELY feminist. Have you had any experiences like this?

I just find it troubling and slightly ironic that the entire time I was being molested, all I could think about was “if I don’t play this exactly how I’m supposed to, I might end up being the one accused of doing something inappropriate.

I’m wondering where that fear stems from and why that was my reaction to being sexually assaulted. I’m slightly worried that it stems from some sort of suppressed sexism lurking within me, but maybe it’s something else.

I could use some help with this, especially if you’re a male feminist who has been in a similar situation. Was my reaction during my sexual assault based in repressed sexism? Or was my reaction still in line with feminism?