I feel a little silly using that term because it's where I felt I was at before finding TRP/RPW at all. But anyway, I'm wondering about what you ladies make about my current situation.

Without getting too off-topic with life story jabber. Essentially I'm one year post university, and I'm trying to find that quality career-starter job.

I feel at this point, RPW or not, I'm not in a position to be looking for an LTR. At the end of college I was with a great captain, and post-graduation we held a long distance relationship together for 8 months before throwing in the towel due to there being no end in sight.

I later began dating a guy I met where I moved, and while I learned a lot from the relationship and don't regret it...I would never choose to repeat any of it. I was the one fighting commitment because I knew I wasn't ready, but he kept pressuring me he wanted to, and I put pressure on myself to make him happy and wanting to be happy also, and in all honesty he was a great guy. I did commit eventually but I became depressed and defeated about it. It didn't have anything to do with interest in other men (I really had/have none at all). I broke things off mostly because I hated seeing my ugly attitude and knew he deserved better, and didn't feel like I could be better until my head was in a better place.

Right now, it boils down to this: I'm 23, and though I'm not looking to get married immediately, I'm unwilling to waste my time with a relationship that wouldn't have that possibility. Right now I am what is preventing that from being possible. I've never run my own home (something that's very important to me to learn how to do), I've never managed my own finances, I've never been 100% accountable for my own happiness, in spite of my failures or due to my successes.

A relationship is a massive sink of time and energy. A very worthwhile sink, but a sink nonetheless. Having never lived independently and managed myself, I think it's necessary to learn and know myself before I can truly give myself as a gift, as well as my time and energy, to someone and fully understand what that means.

While I wouldn't say I'm a full RPW, I recognize a lot of my own failures because of this sub. The least happy I have ever been in previous relationships, including my 1 quality LTR with a captain, all stemmed from me being controlling. I really want some time to think about these things so I can not be doomed to repeat the past in the future.

My n count is, reasonable. I'm currently at 12, three of which were 1.5+ year relationships. Two ONS, and the rest were guys I dated for various lengths of time (most of which we were exclusive, but I wouldn't say LTR). All but 2 took place before or in college and that's not my state of mind anymore. Random hookups are not important to me at all.

I take great care of myself. I'm obsessed with exercise, healthy eating, and skin care. I learned all this from my last captain who lead by example and really made me work for it. I don't drink or go out, I'm very clean and neat. I'm a pretty put-together person. But while I do take care of myself as a person, I know little about caring for my life as a whole.

I feel a bit sad by the fact I've recently (in the past 2 years) dated two quality men that would make any woman happy, and have been unable to keep it together. Granted one was very situational, but the other I just felt like I'm not the quality SO I know I can be, and need a little bit more time to learn these things about myself.

Is this a reasonable perspective to set myself up for a quality relationship, where I am also a quality partner? Am I horribly misinterpreting how to best improve myself?

Edited for honesty