How can I attract a guy online?

TempestTcup · 2015-10-07T12:57:53+00:00

Are there no men in your area that you can date? LDRs are notoriously difficult to maintain and you never really know the person until you spend some time (3 to 6 months) in person.

LDRs are attractive because they are safe (you can walk away from the computer/phone) and because they don't need any personal maintenance.

I suggest you find a good man close to where you live.

KelIy_C · 2015-10-07T13:35:44+00:00

Relationships that start out as LDRs and have no permanent end date in sight are just bad news. You will build him up into this otherworldly, divine, perfect human being, and you will either waste years of your youth committed to a man you never see or you'll eventually close the distance and have your wild expectations shattered.

I can really only recommend that you date someone in your own area.

TheTerrorSquad · 2015-10-07T13:23:42+00:00

I'm certain he's already interested but you have the distance to contend with.

The distance is the problem.

always-be-closing · 2015-10-07T15:17:23+00:00

and he accidentally stalked me, then added me to friends on facebook.

wut

We talk a lot now and I'm pretty sure he is the best possible guy I could be in a long term relationship with.

That's fine.

Whatever, you like this guy, you're not creeped out by how he found you, and you guys have made contact with each other.

He's 23 and I'm 19. We're both Polish but I live in Denmark currently while he lives in Poland so there's long distance between us but of course it's possible for me to come to Poland to visit him

You know, there's a great English poem by John Donne

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/A_Valediction:_Forbidding_Mourning#Poem

And one stanza reads:

Dull sublunary lovers' love —Whose soul is sense—cannot admit Of absence, 'cause it doth remove The thing which elemented it.

The notion of a valediction, and 1600s ideas love and loss are some of the most romantic and romanticized Anglo literature produced.

Straight up: Donne is wrong

It's not a common or base thing for love to be hard to sustain when there is a great amount of distance (literal or metaphysical) between two people.

It's a very real, and nearly intractable problem.

Even without physicality (regardless of yours or his choices about sex - - I presume you're Catholics as native Poles?), you frankly will not know a person well without spending lots of time with them, talking to them about the world, and seeing how they get along with the world.

Any red pill advice on how to make him interested in a long term relationship with me?

You really need to figure out whether you want to have a relationship or not.

I'm not trying to be an asshole here:

You're 19 years old.

You are still in the 'figuring out' phase of life, and a guy who is good looking/funny and showing you attention is one of the first ones to do so (there will be many) and the affection and interest is pretty wonderful.

Don't make this anything it isn't.

okay

But let's say somehow, you two get to talking and you decide you'll have a relationship.

1) Do you want to get married?

2) Do you want to have children?

3) Do you want to have a high SMV? Maintain the one you do now?

etc.

These aren't questions you need to answer with him, but you need to answer them.

There are fundamental committments into a relationship that will lower your ability to secure better one's later, from time spent to things done.

However, some of these are things that literally sustain healthy, positive relationships.

Things men want/like in a partner:

Sexual loyalty/Exclusivity, Adoration/Devotion, Support/Value

no quality man wants to date or marry a slut; they'll fuck one, but that's it.
men don't want to be the 10th guy inside you ( cold truth - virgins/low count women are more desirable to men who want serious relationships and women who want serious relationships get them by not giving out sex without promises of commitment. Women are the gatekeepers of sex, Men are the gatekeepers of investment in a relationship)
men want to own their woman; to have her, and be the only ones who do
sex, or at least a formal guarantee of sex (this is literally why marriage was constructed) in return for them committing to investing time and money into you, is not negotiable
value adds: Can you cook? Cook for him? Clean? Take care of tasks like bookkeeping or accounting or budgeting? Keep him on track as a student or in his career progression?
are you soft/demure? do you make him feel like a desirable man? do you seem (to all those who will look at your relationship) like a devoted and thus desirable woman?

This last point is pretty crucial; it's a two way street.

Men want a girl who every other guy wants, but who only wants them.

Women want a man who every other woman wants, but who only wants them.

The psychological consequence of each of these is "I am good, I am valuable, that's why they choose me!" for both sexes.

Each has to be help the other.

With distance, this is obviously harder, but it's not impossible.

You're not trying to fool him into liking you, or trying to tell him what should or shouldn't be something he desires.

You have to change to be desirable to him, or else accentuate that which is desirable already.

Much more important for right now, though, is figuring out if you're incapable of finding a man with for whom this will be easier to do because they're closer, or how much of your current situation you're willing to forgoe for someone who might not be willing to do the same by changing locations or dealing with the complications of a long distance relationship.

[deleted] · 2015-10-07T16:57:14+00:00

Long distance relationships don't work. Even if you are married for a long period of time, anything more than a year or two is the end of the marriage.

tibialsyndesmosis · 2015-10-08T13:58:55+00:00

You simply don't*

*: Argue with me all you want, but in the age of tinder and whatever else there is to sway males you aren't doing yourself any favours going online.

RayVelcro · 2015-10-11T16:15:12+00:00

I could say I'm objectively more attractive than him

Well, aren't you humble. Do you remind him of this fact on a daily basis? I suppose its a good thing you're physically attractive because if can't possibly come up with ideas on how to attract a man who is ugly, then god have mercy on your soul.

cats_or_get_out · 2015-10-07T14:55:33+00:00

So now there's the question: is there any chance of making him attracted to me romantically and wanting to pursue a long term relationship with me?

Men pursue. Women choose.

Get away from this mindset that you can control him or his desires.

If he wants to pursue a long term relationship with you, he'll let you know. It has to be his idea. This goes for dating, marriage, having kids, etc. We seem to be the ones ready to take that next step, and we're waiting for their lead. Wait for his lead. If it doesn't happen, c'est la vie.

Be the best you that you can be, and don't try to take the reins on this one.

Title	How can I attract a guy online?
Author	Throwawayawayaww
Upvotes	14
Comments	15
Date	October 7, 2015 12:41 PM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/3nu1hz/how_can_i_attract_a_guy_online/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/how-can-i-attract-a-guy-online.85655 https://theredarchive.com/post/85655

Comments