Anyone have a time machine??

CanOfFreedom · 2016-09-08T00:04:31+00:00

Is it possible that you could have some cognitive dissonance with trying to convert to RP while at the same time having to act as the "man" of the relationship?

Bamfmaiden · 2016-09-08T08:40:52+00:00

There is an imbalance here. I think it's acting out within you. The fact is he could be all of those good things but he's also unemployed. That means he is not a success by any measure in our society. I think you're leaving out something about the story. I'm assuming you're both old enough to have careers. Why doesn't he have one? I think you're asking questions about his status but sublimating that into other things. The red pill to me means that you accept reality as it is not as you wish it was. Women are terrific at creating fantasy cardboard cutouts of what we want our men to be.

I'm not trying to be a bitchy friend. But I think you may be sublimating some of the thoughts I just expressed. In order to be a red pill woman as I understand it and be in a relationship you have to deeply respect your partner. Fundamentally I could never respect the man who wasn't a success in their career. Just like probably 10,000 years ago I would've never respect the man who wasn't a good hunter. It seems to me that that's the absolute minimum basis of a woman respecting a man anytime.

Please note that this is not gold digging. I do have my own career. I think it's great when women have their own career. But we are our genetics and our body and our biology and our mind.

Mentathiel · 2016-09-08T16:04:49+00:00

I don't know if you've read this post of mine already, but it might help you somewhat with your emotional situation. But I think you've mainly sorted that part out and are now dealing with remaining guilt, so it might not be as helpful as it would've been sometime ago.

As for your current struggle... I suppose you now see consequences of your actions in your dynamics everywhere and maybe the old urge to get angry comes up, maybe it doesn't, but you see how much you've damaged this guy and it hurts to be reminded all the time through everything. On top of that, you're not satisfied by so many things in the relationship on his side, that were consequences of what you did, but you don't feel justified to feel that dissatisfaction, since you feel like you've brought it upon yourself and that blaming him is unfair.

First of all, you let the pendulum swing all the way to the other side. It's very common when we're trying to find balance. You used to be an entitled shrew who blamed others for everything and didn't accept her own responsibility in matters. Now that you saw yourself more realistically, the responsibility that's been there all along seems enormous to you, as you aren't used to looking at it. What you must accept is that your SO also isn't perfect and that he failed your shit tests and allowed you to establish dominance and emasculate him and that that also harmed you, making you dissatisfied, angry and that you projected that anger on him, harming him in turn. It was a really unhealthy dynamic with little respect. But you love this man and you know his potential and you must find in yourself first to accept what he's done and that it does matter (although your contribution to the problems matters equally) and then you must forgive him. I know you feel like you've done this already, but this is just because you probably see him in a way better light now, but you must go back to the middle between two idealisms ("I'm perfect" and "he's perfect (compared to me)"). While it's easy for me to say so, you'll struggle a lot to find this middle. You are, rightfully, afraid to approach it right now as you don't want to allow yourself to slip up and go back to your old behavior, even partially, so it'll take time to forgive both yourself and him.

The point is that you must work on this and be extremely patient with both yourself and him. Don't deny your own emotions. The fact that you might not be justified in having them doesn't diminish the fact that you're having them and that you need to deal with them. A female friend with similar worldview would be something that could help you feel appreciated, understood and rightfully judged and allow you not to dump all of this on your SO. But even if you're alone with nobody to talk to, don't deny your own emotions. Take time for yourself, write a diary (where you're painfully honest, even when hurt/angry, even when you don't feel like you deserve to be hurt/angry), talk to your SO about your concerns (the standard stuff, no arguments, no accusations, empathetic approach).

Yeah, as for whether or not to talk to him about this, depends on what kind of person he is. But you don't have to tell him about RPW in order to give him a big apology and say you realize what a lot of your behavior actually was and that you are working on being a better person. There's nothing necessarily RPW in that as long as you don't mention RP concepts and no matter what kind of person he is, he should be able to appreciate that. Not to mention that a heartfelt apology will probably make you feel much better. Just make it clear that you aren't seeking validation or excuses for your past behavior.

As for sex, you emasculating him probably made him afraid to initiate and eventually disinterested. I'm not sure how to fix this, I've never had problems of this sort. If you talk to him, it might result in some performance anxiety or worry that he isn't good enough for you or something similar, which will further amplify the problem. It will certainly come naturally after a while, but I feel like having sex would help you feel less insecurity and feel validated more, which would help you with dealing with other problems you're facing, which is what you're in extreme need of right now. You could try and be flirty, but thread carefully. You want to make a suggestion, not a demand. So you don't want to surprise him in a sexy outfit, implying you're expecting sex for him (this is not bad later when you already know he's planning it and want to make it better for him, but right now it won't come off that way) or something similar. Something like playfully rubbing against him when cuddling, then leaving it to him to initiate if he wants to and leaving it be if he doesn't or commenting about how attractive he is or making innuendos in conversations.

Oh, and another thing that may help you feel better while you're trying to change. While you can't force yourself to control your feelings at all times immediately and growing as a person is a process, you can more easily force one-time things. So write him a note of thanks every once in a while or make/buy him a thoughtful gift or surprise him with amazing meal, maybe a candlelit dinner if you're into that sorta things. While you may not show thankfulness for his dedication through your every action and while you may do/feel something shrewy every once in a while, knowing you are still doing something for him and trying to show that you appreciate him, just aren't sure how to express it completely yet, will probably make both of you feel better.

MsSadieDunham · 2016-09-08T01:04:32+00:00

Feeling unattractive and guilty are common feelings when you realize the damage you've been doing to your own relationship. I remember that.

The having sex thing probably has nothing to do with him being physically attracted to you and more about feeling emasculated by you. The tender feelings will come back. Don't worry. I did the same things the first year and a half of my relationship and was able to fix it and rebuild. You can too!

When you start making strides in internalizing RP and you see your SO reacting to you differently, the feelings you have will alleviate.

Welcome to RPW!

realpra · 2016-09-10T00:06:12+00:00

Folic acid, C vitamin, iron, omega 3/DHA oils, D vitamins, ZMA and a multivitamin. (On top of a healthy diet)
Start running.
Spread your legs, tell him you have been bad and need punishment.

(I'm a guy, can't help with feels)

Title	Anyone have a time machine??
Author	Zemasrose
Upvotes	8
Comments	34
Date	September 7, 2016 11:13 PM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/51o7ab/anyone_have_a_time_machine/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/anyone-have-a-time-machine.86461 https://theredarchive.com/post/86461

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