Hey guys.

Throwaway for a reason, I have a story I wanted to tell just to get it off my chest because I have nowhere else to go. I just got a paternity test order for a one night stand I had in 2017 today. The reason I found out was that she had applied for medicaid and the state of Michigan requires someone to put a name up for possible fathers, I am not on the birth certificate. I was drunk and she took advantage of me, she was sober. She led me upstairs, I used a condom but I'm not entirely sure what happened during it all so I assume it must've fell off mid-way. I remember her telling me that it was impossible for her to get pregnant due to a condition she has and that she used birth control. She told me months later right before my finals to graduate that she was pregnant and that she was keeping it.

She said that because it's also my child, I should have a choice in what we do here on out so I asked if we could adopt the child to another family as I did not want a child right now seeing as I was about to graduate and was moving far downstate and definitely could not afford student loans on top of child support and living in an apartment right out of college. From what I understood, she simply wanted a child to add some value to her life as she had a hard time loving herself, so why not have a child to love her instead? She gave me a lot of reasons for why she should keep it and that she has a support net where she lives of her family and friends and that she can help her take care of the child without my help, as a result of me telling her that the only way to absolve my child support is to adopt it to a step parent, or for her to not make a claim against me. We met again afterwards to talk about the situation and I had told her I consulted a lawyer to ask questions about my rights and what I can do, she immediately got defensive and I had to calm her down and let her know I'm not trying to take the child away from her. She immediately stopped talking to me and sent me a simple text saying that "I fucked other guys so the child isn't yours".

Months pass and the child is born and she texts me that it is mine, she had lied to me. Not only did she lie to me about her condition and her birth control, she had also lied to me about the child being mine. She had offered me a choice in the matter and then taken it away because she felt it was unfair for me to have a choice in what to do with the unborn child. I was furious, every time I thought about the situation I was completely and utterly fuming. How selfish of someone to not only take advantage someone else to fill their own personal void? To bring a child into the world without a thought of future responsibility, knowing that I had told her I did not want children and I wasn't going to marry her seeing how she misled me every step of the way. At this point I was heavily depressed, holing myself in my room every night, distrustful of everything and everyone. I started experiencing crippling social anxiety and could not talk to women without thinking about my situation.

When the child was born I had a shitty out of college job working 2nd shift with no vacation, my next job was the same for a little more pay. This whole time she is texting me that she is going to Ohio which is about 4 hours from me, which I agreed to meet up at to meet my son. Weeks later she cancels the trip and says her mom is sick, which I don't entirely trust because she's been lying to me without a thought. I thought that perhaps she got cold feet and was afraid I might try to take her child away, which was obviously untrue. She then asked that I come up state even though I live 10 hours away and have no vacation time whatsoever to make the trip. I was so depressed at this point even making it to work an hour late was a blessing. I was alone in a place I didn't know anyone, and the people I did know, did not want me bumming out the group dynamic.

She started getting more and more upset, talking about how her mom was sick and she couldn't help her take care of our child. She started getting madder in each text, passive aggressive comments that I was a deadbeat and didn't care about my own child. What I never told her was how I felt about this entire situation, I wanted to so bad for months tell her how horrible of a person she is for lying so much to me, throwing me around on an emotional carousel because of her decisions. I blocked all communication with her as this was becoming too much. Throughout the year I was suicidal, maybe a bullet to the head would stop all of this. But I realized how selfish that would be to my child and to my family and friends. I felt I had no control over my destiny, I was forever going to be labelled a deadbeat to everyone I knew, for something I never wanted and never had a choice over and don't even have the means to visit. Even if I did go and visit, why would I want to see the lying deceitful person who forced this decision on me?

My mom and family don't even know, my girlfriend who I have been dating for 2 years and now live with as well. I was mostly afraid of my mom knowing, without her I would've already told everyone. We've had a terrible relationship for most of my lives and finally she was proud to have me as a son. My mom's side is Korean and if I told her this, she would never look me in the eyes again. But now I need to tell my girlfriend in the easiest way possible. It's giving me so much anxiety that I don't know how I can break it to her, but time is running out before she finds out on her own.All I know is that when the paternity test comes back and I am the father, I honestly don't know how I should react. I don't have anyone to sympathize with my situation and I don't have money for a lawyer. I want to see my child but I don't ever want to see his mother again. She fills me with so much emotion every time I think of her or see her social media photos with my son. From what I know she's a great mom, but I just can't see myself even being friends with her, so hopefully this first contact I make once we figure out custody will not be as painful as it was a year ago.

All I know is that regardless of this forced situation on me, I want to be there for him and need to work up the courage to tell everyone that needs to know about him and to work up the courage to look his mother in the face. I'm so sick of looking for similar situations online with two sentence responses about how we need to man up and there's no way out. I just want to come out with it and let it be over with. Until then, I just want others to read this and give me any advice possible, or just be a sympathetic ear. As of right now I'm a wreck, waiting for my girlfriend to get home and pretend everything is normal until I work up the balls to let her know what I have been meaning to tell her for the past two years. Eventually I'd like to be in a place where everyone in my family knows and I am living with my wife and taking my son out and giving him the knowledge and love my father never gave me. Maybe some day, but for now I'm stuck with the thought of being the scum that society believes I am.

If you've made it this far thank you for humoring me. Please, if you have a similar experience, advice, I'd love to hear it.

EDIT: You have no idea how much these words of support and advice have helped me, I feel like I've crawled out of darkness because of the kind words you gentlemen have given me. I feel this much more determined to set my life back on track thanks to you guys. Please continue telling me any stories you may have, it is helping me a lot with my mindset and I thank you all for it.