It wasn’t so much that she was cooking and cleaning. It’s that when I suggested we all pitch in to help her clean up her husband was genuinely confused and ask “why?” The idea of of washing a dish instead of going and drinking was so alien to him that it never crossed his mind. I actually agree with most of the commenters. It wasn’t my place or my business. But when he asked why I couldn’t help but answer him.
All the assumptions today have been fun. Especially since that was my great crime. Who knew reddit was so full of mind readers?
I’ve been really clear and repetitive about the series of events. How was I expected them to get “woke” by suggesting that we all pitch in and help his mother with clean up? Don’t get me wrong I’m all about some grand, sinister feminazi manipulations, but I literally asked why don’t we all help mother. Then he asked why confused and I said because it seems a kinda sexist for her to do all the cooking and cleaning while the men have a drink.
I’ve already admitted dozens of times over that I wish I had talked to his mother and to see if she was actually bothered, but sorry no plans to implode their family or defensiveness. It was a poorly handled and reacted to situation that probably thousands of redditors by now have been hate jerking off to all day.
Also believe it or not I don’t have any issues with his dad. I mean my feelings for him and like larm. Not really either way. You don’t have to dislike someone to call out a situation you don’t think is right.
What did I say? I couldn’t sleep, it was 2am. I was pretty conflicted. The one thing I remember bothering me was all the comments saying I should have done the housework with her. It was one thing if we had all done it as a team effort that’s why I suggested it. Just the woman doing the cleaning while the men had a drink is an entire different story.
His mother likes cleaning up after them, that’s her choice. Asking me to comprise my values and beliefs or else I’m a bitch or brat or whatever is an entire different thing altogether. I’m not a mother or a caretaker. I would never expect to be catered to in that kind of relationship, nor do I want cater to an adult in that way. I’m allowed to have boundaries about that and they’re not unreasonable.
Lol people keep saying I’m side stepping or playing the victim, literally where dude. Link me. I discussed it with people and thought it over. Recognized the things that I did wrong in the situation and owned up to them. I’ve posted several times exactly this. You don’t need to make me understand anything. Unless you are reading the very original thread and comments you are straight out lying.
And I’ve owned up that not going to her was a mistake I made. People were definitely and still are actually talking shit to me because I didn’t go do the cleaning. The thread linked in the comments in this one I’m actually having this conversation right now. I apparently gave up the “opportunity” and my comfort about the situation doesn’t matter.
It’s really disingenuous to that people keep saying that I don’t understand what I did wrong and that I’m “playing victim” in the situation and literally listing off the thing I’ve been commenting about that for several hours. Even in this thread.
Nah I’m definitely gonna give them some time and space lol. It’s kinda interesting how hostile people who don’t even know them are when my bf forgave me that night. I guess I lucked out with him.
I do help out bud. Like adults my boyfriend and I split up duties and agreed to it. it works for us.
Good thing people don’t base boundaries on what people online think then. My boyfriend is a germaphobe. I clean the bathroom. It’s a boundary for him. Is his silly and immature? Or is it just me because you know.....reasons.
He does. Except the bathroom. I do our shopping and balance the budget/handle the bills as well. It’s an agreement that works well for us.
Rabble rabble rabble. I don’t repeating myself about it. I get it, people who already have issues with are outraged about woman making a mistake.
People keep calling me an sjw because I dared use the “s” word. Maybe put your big boy pants and realize that not all of us are the boogeyman sjws come to castrate you.
It’d be a bet you would lose. I’ve already discussed in this thread that the only thing I would ask my bf to do for is is something that’s physically impossible for me, such as lifting some that’s beyond my ability. You guys are the ones so hung up on “traditional gender roles” honestly it hasn’t come up nearly as much as people here imply. Like the examples I were given we’re changing a tire and checking on a noise in the middle of the night. For real? I know you guys have some biases against women for whatever reasons personal to you, but do you really think a woman can’t change a tire if she needs to?
It’s not “debate”. You’re just randomly making shit up out of thin are. I’m really sorry some big bad woman hurt you so bad, but it’s not on me to take that shit on for you. Get some therapy bro.
I’ve been called crazy a lot today, honestly fair enough. The other side of the coin though is that literally all I said was “kinda sexist” and there were almost 700 people in the thread outraged and I’ve been getting hundreds of dms since it locked. I mean I’m not the one going REEEEEE lol.
i actually just came from that thread. you are not in any way the asshole. my boyfriend's parents are the same way and i told them flat out that my daughters would not be going there for any more family dinners if that was going to be how they were conducted. they have the right to live however they want in their house, but they don't have any rights over my kids and i'm certainly not having my daughters growing up as servants to men.
rofl. if "hospitality" means going to a dinner and having to serve and clean up after my lazy, layabout "host" while he sits on his entitled ass watching tv, thanks but i'll take a hard pass. lmao lmao lmao.
lmao, my saying no to an invitation to come serve you your dinner and wash your dishes is me telling you how to organize your domestic circumstances? no dear, its me telling you to fuck off and don't expect to see your grandkids until you treat us and your wife with respect.
lol. why would it be fucked up if i helped clean up? that's the exact opposite of fucked up. in fact that is the entire point here, that men who refuse to clean up after themselves are completely fucked up. and when you have people over and you're literally being a lazy piece of shit right in front of them for everybody to see and making other people clean after you with no sense of shame at all, you are MEGA fucked up.
I definitely should have spoken to my boyfriend’s mother about it. I reacted in the moment. That being said it actually turned into a positive for my boyfriend and I. We had an in-depth talk and now it’s crystal clear that we will not have the same type of relationship that his parents do. It’s really nice having it out there.
What traditional male roles? If you mean rent/bills, we split everything 50/50. If you mean stuff like yard work or maintenance we live in an apartment so it hasn’t been an issue we’ve come up against yet. Though honestly one of my “if I could do anything” type fantasies had been to learn how to gut and remodel houses to your exact specifications. So I definitely wouldn’t just let him handle that kind of stuff without me.
Not very informed on actual engine repairs and stuff like that, but I’ve had put a doughnut on my last car. We live in the city for now and neither of us drive currently. I certainly wouldn’t expect him to do anything just because he’s “the man”. I can check out a bump in the night.
Despite his parents traditional home life, it doesn’t reflect on us at all. I don’t really see any of our chore as gendered one way or the other unless it’s an actual physical impossibility. I’m not going to shout, “I am woman, hear me roar” and try to life something that’s 150lbs. As I said in one of the comments in the original post, my bf is actually an extreme neat freak. If a soda is left on the counter for more than a few minutes or two forks left in the sink he will clean it.
The other side of that is at our last place, it was really slummy. Mice would come up through these holes in the floor where the heating system pipes when down. He’s a little squeamish about germs, but I grew up in the country and wasn’t really bothered by dead mice so I would dispose of the bodies.
Probably not his mother. One of the reasons I prefer to work and be able to be self sufficient should I need be. It’s not completely unlikely I could end up single with my mouth.
But wait, isn’t the tone of this thread that traditional marriages are valid and equal, just with different roles assigned to each partner?Why does it matter who pays for things?
How was that defensive? You may be reading what I wrote wrong. I’m genuinely curious why does it matter who pays for things if the traditional marriage is equal?
I believe that most men would look at it as shared money, it seems to matter to the op of this comment thread and I’d like to understand why. I don’t get to hear these kind of perspectives often.
This is how you turn a dinner into a mental dumpster fire. SO. MUCH. CRINGE. If that was my girlfriend, I would have dumped her after driving her home. She might as well just make her marriage vows "I'm gonna rebel and lecture you every time you do something I think is sexist. I am gonna make your life a living hell."
It’s absolutely not and I’ve said as much and admitted that it was a mistake on my part several times over by now.
That being said, had I approached her and she was unhappy in the situation I would have spoken up. The whole thing was a knee jerk reaction based on assumptions I shouldn’t have made. Almost exclusively all I’ve been talking about for a long time now.
[–]Historybuffman[S] 26 points27 points28 points (36 children) | Copy Link
[–]Uniqueusername360 2 points3 points4 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[+]Black_Flam1 points [recovered] (33 children) | Copy Link
That was a good one.
It wasn’t so much that she was cooking and cleaning. It’s that when I suggested we all pitch in to help her clean up her husband was genuinely confused and ask “why?” The idea of of washing a dish instead of going and drinking was so alien to him that it never crossed his mind. I actually agree with most of the commenters. It wasn’t my place or my business. But when he asked why I couldn’t help but answer him.
[–][deleted] 8 points9 points10 points (32 children) | Copy Link
[+]Black_Flam1 points [recovered] (31 children) | Copy Link
All the assumptions today have been fun. Especially since that was my great crime. Who knew reddit was so full of mind readers?
I’ve been really clear and repetitive about the series of events. How was I expected them to get “woke” by suggesting that we all pitch in and help his mother with clean up? Don’t get me wrong I’m all about some grand, sinister feminazi manipulations, but I literally asked why don’t we all help mother. Then he asked why confused and I said because it seems a kinda sexist for her to do all the cooking and cleaning while the men have a drink.
I’ve already admitted dozens of times over that I wish I had talked to his mother and to see if she was actually bothered, but sorry no plans to implode their family or defensiveness. It was a poorly handled and reacted to situation that probably thousands of redditors by now have been hate jerking off to all day.
Also believe it or not I don’t have any issues with his dad. I mean my feelings for him and like larm. Not really either way. You don’t have to dislike someone to call out a situation you don’t think is right.
[–]Sourcesys 9 points10 points11 points (29 children) | Copy Link
[+]Black_Flam1 points [recovered] (28 children) | Copy Link
What did I say? I couldn’t sleep, it was 2am. I was pretty conflicted. The one thing I remember bothering me was all the comments saying I should have done the housework with her. It was one thing if we had all done it as a team effort that’s why I suggested it. Just the woman doing the cleaning while the men had a drink is an entire different story.
His mother likes cleaning up after them, that’s her choice. Asking me to comprise my values and beliefs or else I’m a bitch or brat or whatever is an entire different thing altogether. I’m not a mother or a caretaker. I would never expect to be catered to in that kind of relationship, nor do I want cater to an adult in that way. I’m allowed to have boundaries about that and they’re not unreasonable.
[–]Historybuffman[S] 6 points7 points8 points (6 children) | Copy Link
[+]Black_Flam1 points [recovered] (5 children) | Copy Link
Lol people keep saying I’m side stepping or playing the victim, literally where dude. Link me. I discussed it with people and thought it over. Recognized the things that I did wrong in the situation and owned up to them. I’ve posted several times exactly this. You don’t need to make me understand anything. Unless you are reading the very original thread and comments you are straight out lying.
[–]throwdowntown69 3 points4 points5 points (4 children) | Copy Link
[+]Black_Flam1 points [recovered] (1 child) | Copy Link
Not if she doesn’t. I’ve said as much dozens of times at this point. You can believe what you like.
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[–]Sourcesys 3 points4 points5 points (5 children) | Copy Link
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And I’ve owned up that not going to her was a mistake I made. People were definitely and still are actually talking shit to me because I didn’t go do the cleaning. The thread linked in the comments in this one I’m actually having this conversation right now. I apparently gave up the “opportunity” and my comfort about the situation doesn’t matter.
It’s really disingenuous to that people keep saying that I don’t understand what I did wrong and that I’m “playing victim” in the situation and literally listing off the thing I’ve been commenting about that for several hours. Even in this thread.
[–]Theyarebothwrong 1 point2 points3 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[+]Black_Flam1 points [recovered] (2 children) | Copy Link
Nah I’m definitely gonna give them some time and space lol. It’s kinda interesting how hostile people who don’t even know them are when my bf forgave me that night. I guess I lucked out with him.
[–]IVIaskerade 4 points5 points6 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[+]Black_Flam1 points [recovered] (2 children) | Copy Link
I do help out bud. Like adults my boyfriend and I split up duties and agreed to it. it works for us.
Good thing people don’t base boundaries on what people online think then. My boyfriend is a germaphobe. I clean the bathroom. It’s a boundary for him. Is his silly and immature? Or is it just me because you know.....reasons.
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He does. Except the bathroom. I do our shopping and balance the budget/handle the bills as well. It’s an agreement that works well for us.
Rabble rabble rabble. I don’t repeating myself about it. I get it, people who already have issues with are outraged about woman making a mistake.
People keep calling me an sjw because I dared use the “s” word. Maybe put your big boy pants and realize that not all of us are the boogeyman sjws come to castrate you.
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[+]Black_Flam1 points [recovered] (6 children) | Copy Link
He wanted to. He’s a neat freak.
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It’d be a bet you would lose. I’ve already discussed in this thread that the only thing I would ask my bf to do for is is something that’s physically impossible for me, such as lifting some that’s beyond my ability. You guys are the ones so hung up on “traditional gender roles” honestly it hasn’t come up nearly as much as people here imply. Like the examples I were given we’re changing a tire and checking on a noise in the middle of the night. For real? I know you guys have some biases against women for whatever reasons personal to you, but do you really think a woman can’t change a tire if she needs to?
[–]bufedad 3 points4 points5 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Lethn 4 points5 points6 points (5 children) | Copy Link
[+]Black_Flam1 points [recovered] (4 children) | Copy Link
Jesus that was a rant and nothing all to do with me. I stopped at pay gap because you a literally just writing a fiction novel out of thin air.
And to respond to the fiction that I did read, I make more than him. So 👍
[–]Lethn 1 point2 points3 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[+]Black_Flam1 points [recovered] (2 children) | Copy Link
It’s not “debate”. You’re just randomly making shit up out of thin are. I’m really sorry some big bad woman hurt you so bad, but it’s not on me to take that shit on for you. Get some therapy bro.
[–]Lethn 1 point2 points3 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[+]Black_Flam1 points [recovered] (36 children) | Copy Link
I’ve been called crazy a lot today, honestly fair enough. The other side of the coin though is that literally all I said was “kinda sexist” and there were almost 700 people in the thread outraged and I’ve been getting hundreds of dms since it locked. I mean I’m not the one going REEEEEE lol.
[–]Lethn 7 points8 points9 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[+]larrieuxa1 points [recovered] (34 children) | Copy Link
i actually just came from that thread. you are not in any way the asshole. my boyfriend's parents are the same way and i told them flat out that my daughters would not be going there for any more family dinners if that was going to be how they were conducted. they have the right to live however they want in their house, but they don't have any rights over my kids and i'm certainly not having my daughters growing up as servants to men.
[–]Greg_W_Allan 8 points9 points10 points (26 children) | Copy Link
[+]larrieuxa1 points [recovered] (25 children) | Copy Link
rofl. if "hospitality" means going to a dinner and having to serve and clean up after my lazy, layabout "host" while he sits on his entitled ass watching tv, thanks but i'll take a hard pass. lmao lmao lmao.
[–]letshaveathink 8 points9 points10 points (4 children) | Copy Link
[+]larrieuxa1 points [recovered] (3 children) | Copy Link
sitting on the couch watching tv while your guests and your wife do all the work is not a "role" you dumb ass. its a character flaw.
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lmao, my saying no to an invitation to come serve you your dinner and wash your dishes is me telling you how to organize your domestic circumstances? no dear, its me telling you to fuck off and don't expect to see your grandkids until you treat us and your wife with respect.
[–]nforne 8 points9 points10 points (14 children) | Copy Link
[–]Greg_W_Allan 5 points6 points7 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[+]larrieuxa1 points [recovered] (12 children) | Copy Link
yes, yes, its terrible. grandpa has clean up after himself, its so awful, it's torture, it's a WEAPON dun dun dun dun.
[–]bufedad 5 points6 points7 points (11 children) | Copy Link
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lol. why would it be fucked up if i helped clean up? that's the exact opposite of fucked up. in fact that is the entire point here, that men who refuse to clean up after themselves are completely fucked up. and when you have people over and you're literally being a lazy piece of shit right in front of them for everybody to see and making other people clean after you with no sense of shame at all, you are MEGA fucked up.
[–][deleted] 2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[+]Black_Flam1 points [recovered] (6 children) | Copy Link
I definitely should have spoken to my boyfriend’s mother about it. I reacted in the moment. That being said it actually turned into a positive for my boyfriend and I. We had an in-depth talk and now it’s crystal clear that we will not have the same type of relationship that his parents do. It’s really nice having it out there.
[–]nforne 4 points5 points6 points (4 children) | Copy Link
[+]Black_Flam1 points [recovered] (3 children) | Copy Link
What traditional male roles? If you mean rent/bills, we split everything 50/50. If you mean stuff like yard work or maintenance we live in an apartment so it hasn’t been an issue we’ve come up against yet. Though honestly one of my “if I could do anything” type fantasies had been to learn how to gut and remodel houses to your exact specifications. So I definitely wouldn’t just let him handle that kind of stuff without me.
[–]nforne 2 points3 points4 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[+]Black_Flam1 points [recovered] (1 child) | Copy Link
Not very informed on actual engine repairs and stuff like that, but I’ve had put a doughnut on my last car. We live in the city for now and neither of us drive currently. I certainly wouldn’t expect him to do anything just because he’s “the man”. I can check out a bump in the night.
Despite his parents traditional home life, it doesn’t reflect on us at all. I don’t really see any of our chore as gendered one way or the other unless it’s an actual physical impossibility. I’m not going to shout, “I am woman, hear me roar” and try to life something that’s 150lbs. As I said in one of the comments in the original post, my bf is actually an extreme neat freak. If a soda is left on the counter for more than a few minutes or two forks left in the sink he will clean it.
The other side of that is at our last place, it was really slummy. Mice would come up through these holes in the floor where the heating system pipes when down. He’s a little squeamish about germs, but I grew up in the country and wasn’t really bothered by dead mice so I would dispose of the bodies.
[–]nforne 2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Blutarg 8 points9 points10 points (6 children) | Copy Link
[+]Black_Flam1 points [recovered] (5 children) | Copy Link
Probably not his mother. One of the reasons I prefer to work and be able to be self sufficient should I need be. It’s not completely unlikely I could end up single with my mouth.
But wait, isn’t the tone of this thread that traditional marriages are valid and equal, just with different roles assigned to each partner?Why does it matter who pays for things?
[–]lightlad 6 points7 points8 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[+]Black_Flam1 points [recovered] (2 children) | Copy Link
How was that defensive? You may be reading what I wrote wrong. I’m genuinely curious why does it matter who pays for things if the traditional marriage is equal?
I believe that most men would look at it as shared money, it seems to matter to the op of this comment thread and I’d like to understand why. I don’t get to hear these kind of perspectives often.
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[–]misandrismysognist 4 points5 points6 points (0 children) | Copy Link
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This is how you turn a dinner into a mental dumpster fire. SO. MUCH. CRINGE. If that was my girlfriend, I would have dumped her after driving her home. She might as well just make her marriage vows "I'm gonna rebel and lecture you every time you do something I think is sexist. I am gonna make your life a living hell."
Do you take this women to be your wife?
"Hell, no!"
[+]Black_Flam1 points [recovered] (1 child) | Copy Link
It’s absolutely not and I’ve said as much and admitted that it was a mistake on my part several times over by now.
That being said, had I approached her and she was unhappy in the situation I would have spoken up. The whole thing was a knee jerk reaction based on assumptions I shouldn’t have made. Almost exclusively all I’ve been talking about for a long time now.
[–]bufedad 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
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[+]Black_Flam1 points [recovered] (1 child) | Copy Link
Need back up? :D
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[–]Razorbladekandyfan 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link