Leave leave leave no matter what fucking RUN, lest what has happened to me, happen to you, as follows... a copy/paste of my own comment on another thread:
This post hits home. My fucking wife is doing little things that hurt our 2 year old daughter, not seriously, but still causing pain, and because she's got a history of violence it's really worrying me.
A bit of background: we've been together over 7 years, and in the first two while we were dating, there were a handful of incidents of her getting violent while drinking that were WAY over the edge. Honestly I should have ran for the hills at the first whiff of violence, but what can I say? I was naive.
When it involved me it was throwing things and trying to physically fight, but of course I had no part of that and would remove myself from the situation. The only really scary time is when it was at my place and I couldn't leave; something along the lines of burning my place down would have been entirely possible. It was a bad as anything you could imagine, and I'll leave it at that.
When it involved other people, it cost her a number of friends, at least one job, and who knows what else? Certainly a lot of self respect, humiliation and shame.
Shortly before the two year mark I told her we had to split because I wasn't interested in dating forever, and neither was I interested in getting really serious with someone who was like that. She asked me to give her just one chance, and that she would never get drunk again. To her credit, she hasn't. She drinks only socially and very little even then, and she hasn't had a disaster since, in over 5 years.
Our daughter is 2 1/2, sweet as can be. Toddlers can be trying to be sure, but as far as things go I think she's pretty easy. I love her, and my son who is 5 months old, more than all the world, of course. I am a very patient person in general, without a violent bone in my body. I've never hit a person in my life, outside of a little martial arts. My wife is more fiery tempered with a shorter fuse, as you might expect.
There have been a couple times, including tonight, where my wife has "done something" - the first was a pinch of my daughter's arm when she was being fussy about something trivial. It was hard enough that my daughter screamed and cried right away, holding her arm. Worse, my wife had done it in a way where she thought I wouldn't know what occurred, but my daughter's reaction gave it away. There was a small mark which became a small bruise for a day. I immediately called her out, and she tried to deny it. There was no way I was letting her off the hook. Who the fuck is wired so wrong as to desire to cause pain, no matter how small, to any child, let alone one's own? I always try to put myself in another's shoes, which in her case means to feel the frustration, the annoyance, the fatigue of being 24/7 mommy, but this is something my mind can't grasp. I told her as much. It was not an argument; hurting my child is not allowed, and that's not up for debate.
Today, a similar thing, over putting on pajamas. My wife grabbed her and dug her fingers in her shoulder, intentionally, to hurt her. Out of frustration. To teach her a lesson. We had another very brief, very forceful, one-sided talk where I calmly but sternly dictated in no uncertain terms that hurting children for any reason is fucked up, and that she'd regret it if she ever lay a finger on our children again.
Of course she pretended to acquiesce and even agree, but I don't trust her, frankly. I would love to leave her, but we all know that would mean leaving my children, which is unacceptable to me in any capacity, more so considering I now feel the need to potentially protect my children from their mother's violence. I think about whether I may be overly concerned because of my wife's history with violence associated with drinking, but then, no: although this is different, hurting kids is wrong in any capacity, dumb dumb. So, is telling her she would "regret it" an empty threat? Probably it is.
I dunno, sorry to vent I guess. Any feedback appreciated. I put myself in this situation and my kids as well by bringing them into it, and while I acknowledge and accept responsibility for that, doing such entails that I try and figure out what the best move is for my kids' sake from this point forward.
[–]Hadashi_blacksky 23 points24 points25 points (1 child) | Copy Link
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Leave leave leave no matter what fucking RUN, lest what has happened to me, happen to you, as follows... a copy/paste of my own comment on another thread:
This post hits home. My fucking wife is doing little things that hurt our 2 year old daughter, not seriously, but still causing pain, and because she's got a history of violence it's really worrying me.
A bit of background: we've been together over 7 years, and in the first two while we were dating, there were a handful of incidents of her getting violent while drinking that were WAY over the edge. Honestly I should have ran for the hills at the first whiff of violence, but what can I say? I was naive.
When it involved me it was throwing things and trying to physically fight, but of course I had no part of that and would remove myself from the situation. The only really scary time is when it was at my place and I couldn't leave; something along the lines of burning my place down would have been entirely possible. It was a bad as anything you could imagine, and I'll leave it at that.
When it involved other people, it cost her a number of friends, at least one job, and who knows what else? Certainly a lot of self respect, humiliation and shame.
Shortly before the two year mark I told her we had to split because I wasn't interested in dating forever, and neither was I interested in getting really serious with someone who was like that. She asked me to give her just one chance, and that she would never get drunk again. To her credit, she hasn't. She drinks only socially and very little even then, and she hasn't had a disaster since, in over 5 years.
Our daughter is 2 1/2, sweet as can be. Toddlers can be trying to be sure, but as far as things go I think she's pretty easy. I love her, and my son who is 5 months old, more than all the world, of course. I am a very patient person in general, without a violent bone in my body. I've never hit a person in my life, outside of a little martial arts. My wife is more fiery tempered with a shorter fuse, as you might expect.
There have been a couple times, including tonight, where my wife has "done something" - the first was a pinch of my daughter's arm when she was being fussy about something trivial. It was hard enough that my daughter screamed and cried right away, holding her arm. Worse, my wife had done it in a way where she thought I wouldn't know what occurred, but my daughter's reaction gave it away. There was a small mark which became a small bruise for a day. I immediately called her out, and she tried to deny it. There was no way I was letting her off the hook. Who the fuck is wired so wrong as to desire to cause pain, no matter how small, to any child, let alone one's own? I always try to put myself in another's shoes, which in her case means to feel the frustration, the annoyance, the fatigue of being 24/7 mommy, but this is something my mind can't grasp. I told her as much. It was not an argument; hurting my child is not allowed, and that's not up for debate.
Today, a similar thing, over putting on pajamas. My wife grabbed her and dug her fingers in her shoulder, intentionally, to hurt her. Out of frustration. To teach her a lesson. We had another very brief, very forceful, one-sided talk where I calmly but sternly dictated in no uncertain terms that hurting children for any reason is fucked up, and that she'd regret it if she ever lay a finger on our children again.
Of course she pretended to acquiesce and even agree, but I don't trust her, frankly. I would love to leave her, but we all know that would mean leaving my children, which is unacceptable to me in any capacity, more so considering I now feel the need to potentially protect my children from their mother's violence. I think about whether I may be overly concerned because of my wife's history with violence associated with drinking, but then, no: although this is different, hurting kids is wrong in any capacity, dumb dumb. So, is telling her she would "regret it" an empty threat? Probably it is.
I dunno, sorry to vent I guess. Any feedback appreciated. I put myself in this situation and my kids as well by bringing them into it, and while I acknowledge and accept responsibility for that, doing such entails that I try and figure out what the best move is for my kids' sake from this point forward.
Lol male privilege.
[–]Thr0w4w4y757746 2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link
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