So I'm friend with this girl I met this year at school. We have pretty "divergent ideas" about social questions, feminism and such. She's more or less all in (she agree that some people goes way too far though, but we don't have the same definition of "too far"), she talks about patriarchy, about being "woke", systemic oppression and every basic stuff. I'm more of a skeptic/anti-feminist/pro GamerGate guy. I don't like big labels, and I could spend a lot of time explaining what I don't like in the GG movement, in the anti-feminists/MRA movements etc. Even there, I sometimes read things that I don't like, it feels people are sometimes as biased as feminists can be. But I still look around, read stuff etc. because it's important to stay informed and to be able to express a thought.

Anyway, I was talking with her, and as often, we end up talking about feminism and everything related. And I say to her

One thing that bothers me with a lot of feminists, especially in the SJW community, is that they seemed so one sided it's frustrating. I don't have seen a lot of openly feminist people that take the time to listen to you, try to understand you, and your positions. If you say "I'm anti feminists", you instantly become a MRA mysoginist white supremacist jerk.

To which she responded

Of course! Because feminism is like anti-racism, you can't disagree without being utterly stupid! You can't reasonnably think that someone can have reasons to be racists, that it can be ok to be racist. It's the same thing with feminism.

And at the moment, I didn't find what to say. In some way it felt wrong, I couldn't agree with what she was saying, but I couldn't find any good response to that. I think that there are reasons why someone can be racist, it doesn't make it correct, or forgettable, but at least understandable. But that's not the subject.

After a few days thinking about it, I think I found an answer:

Feminism isn't like racism. Sexism is like racism, both are ideas based on the fundamental idea of equality between all human beings. Feminism consists of theories that revolves around sexism, but are based on the idea that it exists a form of systemic oppression of men towards women. So while you can't really disagree with equality between races and genders, you can disagree with feminism. Because feminism is a theory, aka "a bunch of associated and contextualized ideas and considerations" (my own words, don't think it's an actual definition or whatever).

So maybe this will come across as obvious, but for me it wasn't, and it feels it was like one of the last piece of a puzzle that was missing, this "something" that made me unable to answer to some of feminists arguments. Because that's maybe the one thing that bothers me the most with feminism today: you can't critizice them. i don't identify myself on the right or alt-right, as a liberal, or any political side, but I really strongly disagree with political correctness, and I love freedom of speech, the freedome of disagreeing above everything else.

Maybe I'm naive to think that, but I really think that this issue (and many related) won't be solved with petty attacks, insults, lies, and turning a deaf ear to what "the other side" is saying. I don't even like the concept of "sides", we live in a society, it should be "together against the problem". I know that confrontation is inevitable, and often necessary, but there's also a time to settle down, calm down, and be reasonnable. By talking to feminists, debating with them, exchanging ideas and arguments, that's how I think we will go forward. And thoughts like this one I had and talk about here maybe will help during the discussion.

Anyway, I'd like to have your opinion on this, any of this, if you agree or not, if you have something to say, if you ever thought about something similar, or if you have encountered a similar situation etc.