Conflict management

ThePacketSlinger · 2013-12-26T22:09:31+00:00

All conflicts are different and deserve to be analyzed individually. Everyone is going to have a different answer to this question, so here's mine. This only applies to conflict/arguments that I feel I need to intervene in and it's not something I make a habit of. Generally speaking, I will neutralize the conflict quickly, quietly and discreetly and then have a discussion with her in private. This is a personal thing, as I prefer internal relationship conflict to happen "behind the curtain". I have found that handling things in this manner makes people less inclined to provoke conflict. Of course, there are always exceptions to this.

For example, if my girlfriend were mourning the loss of someone close and decided to lash out at some random at a bar, I'd probably just cut her a look, apologize for her, buy the random a drink and keep a closer eye on her for the rest of the night. Important to be flexible, I think.

Is this just a concept you found interesting, or do you find yourself constantly white-knighting for your SO?

Demonspawn · 2013-12-26T21:12:41+00:00

The ol "Let's you and him fight" move?

Yeah, fuck that shit.

If a girl of mine were honestly in trouble and needed help, I'd help her out. If she's just in an argument, I let her handle it. If she tries to pull me into drama, I tell her it's her argument (and mentally get ready to see her less). If I notice she's starting shit she wants me to end I'll give her one warning... if it happens again I'd likely pull her ass out of the fire that one last time, but then never talk to her again.

PhantomDream09 · 2013-12-27T04:45:12+00:00

If I'm in the wrong, my SO tells me. He explains why, and does not support something I've done (which he feels is wrong) simply because I am dating him. The trick is to tell your SO when she is wrong, if she gets mad you can brush it off and simply tell her that you will never lie simply to appease her.

[deleted] · 2013-12-26T20:50:08+00:00

Oh, God, it sounds like you're with my ex-wife.

No, you don't have to support every decision your SO makes. When they're wrong, you call them out. Or have a discussion. You don't blindly agree with everything they say because you're fucking them.

[deleted] · 2013-12-26T22:35:03+00:00

In this case you're not supporting, you're enabling. Unacceptable behavior is just that, unacceptable. Treat it as such.

Edit: You can go as far as saying you're even promoting, not just enabling.

FortunateBum · 2013-12-27T01:01:37+00:00

If your SO is frequently initiating needless conflict with friends, acquaintances, and strangers, you should think really hard about maintaining that relationship.

I think it's obvious that you should allow her to handle any conflict she needlessly starts.

GayLubeOil · 2013-12-27T01:13:27+00:00

The simplest way to deal with a shit causing significant other is by chocking her out and then carrying her away from the conflict. Im sure there are more diplomatic ways. But this one is by far the easiest.

Cold_August · 2013-12-26T20:46:43+00:00

I don't need society to tell me what I'm doing is wrong or right. If society considers something to be right and I consider it wrong I’ll not do it, I may even try to hold back the tide of the choices of society if I believe I am in a position to do so. Thus society telling me to defend someone I know to be wrong is irrelevant to me. I’ve discussed with my SO that I consider a person to always be responsible for their own choices and that even with a gun to their head a person has a choice. These things have created a narrative that I won’t defend something I consider wrong so I’ll pull my SO ass out of the fire by pulling them out of the situation but I will not defend what I think is wrong. If she takes offense to that she knows where the door is because this is who I am.

Old_Pine_Tree · 2013-12-26T22:42:35+00:00

How to handle these situations right?

Every conflict will have a debrief (sometimes much longer than necessary); use that as an opportunity to privately communicate your position.

Title	Conflict management
Author	Kernes
Upvotes	7
Comments	12
Date	December 26, 2013 8:22 PM UTC (12 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/TheRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/1tr9qh/conflict_management/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/TheRedPill/conflict-management.9265 https://theredarchive.com/post/9265

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