I Don't Want To Be The Breadwinner In My Marriage Anymore!

BDMR_lurker · 2016-12-06T16:15:13+00:00

Woman marries older and richer co-worker (boss?), makes it big on her side, he pursues less paying job. She now outearns him. And is not happy.

Women don't marry down. Hypergamy, if you will.

.

Also revealing: the male host tries to advise her on how to naviguate this or come clean.

The female host, well, she knows:

I think that you either need to end your marriage and go find a powerful, rich guy to be your partner, or [...]

I think the deeper question is, how is your husband's wealth connected to your sense of his masculinity and your sexual desire for him?

And maybe the reveal is that you never were in love with him; you were in love with the position he occupied

tempest_fiend · 2016-12-06T23:50:43+00:00

Person gets married to a financially independent person, then becomes main breadwinner within the new family. Is now responsible for 90% of the finances. Partner is still working and trying the best they can to further their career and financial status. Person worries about the ability to be a good and loving parent while also being so consumed by work, brought on by being the main breadwinner.

Basically, she's just experienced what a vast majority of men are doing, and she's having a meltdown over it. I have zero sympathy for this person. I work full time, and I'm studying on top of that, to try and further my financial position for my family. I constantly worry about the fact that I get to spend a lot less tim with my kids than I would like.

Welcome to the other side.

2016-12-06T21:07:59+00:00

This is why people shouldn't get married. Best way to avoid these situations is to have both parents educated and able to earn their own income, and able to also be nurturers. With state guaranteed equal shared custody. Everyone involved can negotiate their own living arrangements, they can live together or not, see other people while still living together or be lifelong companions without legal marriage. Or live in communes.

Even if you factor in hypergamy, the social expectation that one man is the provider is sort of new, for most of history "the provider" wasn't just one man, it was the (extended) family, sometimes the extended clan, or even slaves. Hell it was other women.

thrway_1000 · 2016-12-06T23:45:35+00:00

https://archive.is/KBchB

Unique_KCO · 2016-12-07T03:18:33+00:00

Wow this lady's view is so skewed :/ you know if she finds another higher earning man she'd find something else lacking in his masculinity and write to NPR about her problems. I feel for her husband who is learning that his wife values earning potential more than human beings. Ick.

Did she mishear "for richer or for poorer"? That's not even it though because it sounds like she's making enough for them both.

Title	I Don't Want To Be The Breadwinner In My Marriage Anymore!
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	8
Comments	12
Date	December 6, 2016 8:51 AM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/5grv49/i_dont_want_to_be_the_breadwinner_in_my_marriage/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/i-dont-want-to-be-the-breadwinner-in-my-marriage.936302 https://theredarchive.com/post/936302

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