Lately I've been feeling so much Anomie (if any of you are familiar with that concept). Basically for a while now I've been feeling really unsure of what my role in society, as a man, is or what it can or should be.

I feel weird because I'm not that interested in sex, I have career ambitions but feel so fearful of leaving a job due to health insurance reasons, security. I'm pretty withdrawn and alone, but dont care much. And yet I feel I'm told I should care about those things, I should care about my ego, but at the same time to do so is bad, white male privilege, etc. etc. On the flip side I'm told that not being stoic, showing emotion, breaking the mold is a transgression of this ill defined self contradictory thing called manhood I'm expected to conform to. I just dont feel like I fit in society and that there's no real place for someone like me in society. I have to admit I've been thinking about suicide a lot lately, which is the textbook response to extreme Anomie and I'm not about to give into it, but it does enter my mind a lot .

Idk I just wish there were more positive prescriptive roles for men discussed (from the perspective of and for men, white or not, straight or not, you know just from men's point of view) rather than just points of view external to and critical of men.

All I see are pressures, largely irrational, placed on men and how they're expected to behave that conflict with each other. Be a leader, but dont man splain. Be multicultural, but dont appropriate. Be honest but dont offend. Be yourself, but realize you'll only fail to conform. It doesnt matter how much you make, but your worth is based on how much you consume.

Very little self definition is allowed to come from men, for men, withot others (often feminists, or corporatists) atempting to stop it or alter it to their own purposes. Lived experience is often talked about, but I feel like I'm not allowed to have or express my own.

Some times it seems like the constant discussion of "white male privilege" Disses and dismisses a whole class of people so unfairly. Just yesterday on facebook i saw an article posted saying, literally, "mass shooters have a race and a gender:white males" (author Tiffany Xie, I won't link to it). I was so offended but I felt like I couldn't even respond. The article abused statistics and just propped up a biased, anti white male narrative. If you looked at the actual data she cited it suggested that white male gun owners were acutally less likely to commit mass violence per capita.... but she spun it her own way, without criticism of course.

Its like people saying all muslims are terroists, or all blacks are criminals, its bigotry strait up. But since the people saying those things are speaking from a priveleged perspective and accuse me of being privileged, any attempt to point out that no, we're not actually all like that, is rudely dismissed outright. I don't really know what to do, but it just worsens my depression and makes me feel justified in being anti social, you know?

I feel like people are dismissing arguments that mass violence is a mental illness thing by saying it's not an illness, it's a male, white thing... but it seems so stupid to say that. Its not schizophrenia, it's really a mental health thing in that society isnt good for our health, our psyche. We don't have a good sense of why we're even alive, a part of society. The problem is not that white males, or men in general, are told to do privileged wrong but that they dont have any role that is justafiably right.

Sorry that this vent became a rant, but thanks for reading it.