To type the story and everything else I would certainly run out of words. Looking back on half the stuff thats happened its hard for even me to believe what a whacky and unusual, hurtful experience its been. Ill give ya the short version as unbiastly as possible.

The mother of my child is fourteen years older then me, I am 25. She was my first real relationship and first lover. Before we made coitus, she broke down telling me that she was medically unable to have kids. For six months we date, fucking, alot. nothing. I decide to end the relationship not only to have kids someday but to find someone younger and more compatiable to my personality. We end up getting back together a few months later, three weeks in BAM! We are soon to be parents. But something happens, she turns. Starts telling me I have to marry her and find us a new home because we have a family and thats what a good dad does. I told her I wasnt ready for marriage or to move in, but that I assuredly wanted to raise this child and care for him and help her in everyway. She does not like this, many ugly arguments later we go our own ways. Things get worse.... much worse, at first doctor appointments we would go together, but she would belittle me, she would say very hurtful and ugly, especially untrue statements in the presence of our health care professionals. It was awkward for them, disturbing to me and I stopped going.

Fighting gets bad, texting wars ensues, both of us saying mean things, but her crossing the line. "I wouldnt subject my poor son to have an live with the embarassment of your last name" "As soon as I meet another man, he will be our boys dad and will call him as such" "your not coming to the delivery, Bob (for privacy sake) will be there to welcome MY son to this world" These were common occuring text messages. Needless to say I found out four days after his birth that he had been born. She allowed me and my mom to see him twice for a total of 3 hours. That is the last I would see of my first child for 9 months.

I have poured my lifes savings into a new car. My previous was twenty years old, I have a good job, and I thought it would be most wise to aquire a safe and reliable form of transportation for my son. And the rest was poured into lawyer and court fees. Nearly two years since this began, we are still going through the final custody steps. I see him 6 days a month, I want half placement, she refuses to budge and insists I lose two days a month and that I pay more child support untop of the 460 i pay monthly (good job does not mean six figures) we have had the child care investigation done, as she refused to continue mediation after the first session to my objection. The next step is trial court.

There have been times where she is a decent person, that she talks to me like the boys father. Then the next day she spazzes out blowing my phone up with messages and verball lashings. I went to therapy in the time we where broke up for about 8 months. I was filled with depresison and anxiety, I learned to over come this through meditative sessions and losing my self in sports. In words only i could use to accuratly describe, I became a Jedi. I let go of my hate and resentment and embraced a new approach. I was kind and simple with her, when she would begin her foul moods I would close the line of communication until she had cooled down.

Im just so fustrated. I love my son so much, Ive sacrificed so much in his sake and the only thing I have ever desired in return is his love and additional time with him. My ex has thrown everything in the book from drugs and alcohol to hinting that I inappropriatly touched our son.

Im so scared of what is going to happen. I feel so....cheated that after all thats happened, everything Ive had to do just to be allowed time with my son I havent gained any ground. Ive told my ex and the judge and GAL "It takes a man and women to make life. Why am I any less important to have equal time with our child?"