I was raised a feminist and taught to be extremely polite (to the point of self-sacrifice), especially to women. I dropped the label some time ago now, but old habits die hard, so over the last year or two I've been conducting an experiment of sorts: Applying my chivalrous behavior to men.

Here are some observations:

  • When you hold the door for a woman, it's generally thankless, and rarely returned. When you hold the door for a man he's nearly always thankful.

  • When you take the time to listen to a woman, you're often told how to listen "correctly". When you take the time to listen to a man, you forge genuine connections.

  • When you help a woman you're generally treated as simply fulfilling her expectations. When you help a man, he genuinely appreciates it.

  • When you go out of your way for a woman, you're often treated like it's what you're suppose to do. When you go out of your way for a man, he won't forget it, even if a stranger, he'll remember you, and let you know if you should run into one another again.

  • When taking on self-sacrifice for a woman, you're generally treated like little more than a utility. When taking on self-sacrifice for a man, he'll return the favor out of genuine respect if ever called on to do so, assuming he doesn't offer first.

  • When you give up your seat for a woman, you're often treated like it's simply you're duty; when you don't, you're an asshole. When you give up your seat for a man... well, a couple were brought to tears.

  • When you help a woman understand something, you're generally mansplaining. When you help a man understand something, you can change his life.

Treating men like women has revealed just how emotionally isolated many of us are, including myself, and helped break down those walls. Treating 11 of those men like women has completely changed their lives for the better, even rescuing one from the brink of homelessness; 12 if you include me.

In combination with the above, treating women like men has revealed a level and scope of entitlement I'm still trying to wrap my head around (and I was quite cynical prior to this), as well as highlighting those women who really are something special.

I have never felt more connected to other people; I have never felt so appreciated; I have never felt that finding a girlfriend to connect with (just to have an emotional connection) was so trivial; I have never felt that my wellbeing mattered this much to others; and, I've never been so happy, even though I'm going through the hardest and most stressful time of my life thus far.

Chivalrous behavior really is a beautiful thing, but it's wasted on those who feel entitled to it.

EDIT: Clarity.