Wow, well I dont know where to begin. Apologies for the long ramble, I dont have anyone else to speak to.

Ok,so me & my wife have been together for like 18 years, married for 9 years, and have 2 daughters together. I'm 48, She is 43.

We recently went through some difficulties. Had marriage counselling etc. Our issues are around communication. We dont often argue, but when we do, can get a bit shouty. Nothing I personally thought counselling necessary of, but was actually useful. I certainly wouldn't have ever described our marriage as a bad marriage, I'd of described it as a good marriage. With my wife, if it isn't perfect or exactly how she expects, it's bad.

IN my mind, my wife rewrites history in her own head & believes it. In her mind, I am the only one who is ever out of turn & talks to the other with disrespect, despite numerous times her doing this to me, easily as much. In fact, she is the only one who resorts to swearing & name calling. I just end up shouting out of sheer frustration with the spotlight only ever being on the things I do. So it is a pain point for me. I find her massively hypocritical.

Anyway, after our latest argument, she accused me of speaking to her like shit again. What happens in these scenarios is she tells her side of the story first, I listen to everything even if I don't agree, I hear her out. When it's my turn to talk, she shuts me down, puts her head in her hands, walks off, anything so that she doesn't have to listen. This causes me great frustration & exasperation, resulting in me shouting. As it happens virtually everytime we have a bad argument.

So i was asked to leave the house. She wrote me a long email about why i need counselling & the conditions on which i can come back. The conditions to which, were on the basis I give up alcohol & weed. I found this odd as I only drink at weekends responsibly. I drink a bottle of wine on a Friday, 3 large glasses, and maybe a bottle over the Saturday & Sunday. I don't get hangovers. I don't get drunk, I'm 6'3 & 16.5 stone, so doesn't affect me or change my mood massively, like it does her, shes a write off the whole next day. I also smoke minimal amounts of weed. It's like 7g, around half a joints worth a day (I've always been a funtional smoker, i used to dmoke 50g a month when we met. My smoking/drinking has never come up as an issue in 19 years, because it's NOT an issue). I even offered to go down to 3.5g a month, but no flexibilty there. She has been on a major health kick & has spoken about giving up for ages. Seems to me, she only insisted on this because she doesn't like me doing it. Not for any benefit to the relationship.

The dynamic in our marriage is not healthy, she gets her way on everything, I get nothing. She has a 6 figure salary so we decided that she worked while I did the childcare/housework (several factors decided this. I agreed to move to another country as her dad & brother fell ill, so lost local contacts, friends , family etc). So I'm in a bad position if the marriage ends. I feel like she exerts this power on decisions. If I was working, thrres no way she'd ask this of me.

Anyway, so I agreed for the sake of our marriage/family, to give up for 6 months (my concern is where does it end? Would she decide I cant smoke & drink actually, after 6 months?). In return, I asked her to give up buying clothes for 6 months because she buys too many. She has too many & our bedroom/house has been a tip for at least past 7 years directly because of this (clothes everywhere). I also asked her to not use Instagram or social media scrolling for 6 months, as she on it a lot. She flat out refused saying this is just tit for tat.

The biggest issue though is, my wife is an anti-vaxer, something that only became apparent after the birth of our first child (i know, i know, why did you have a 2nd. I'm not here for sympathy or lectures on the past). We had a huge break up because of this 3 years ago. Which caused me to have a mental breakdown (I'd spoke to her mother about it, who was on the same page as me. But her mother confessed our discussions, showed her all our messages, the documents she'd sent to me, that I'd forwarded on to her mother etc. And only told me as my wife pulled up on the drive lol). Well one of my conditions was she brings everything, and her concerns with her & we have a meeting with the doctors. She seemed to have agreed to this on email, but I tried to see what days she's free to do it, and she said she never agreed to discussing with a dr. Her actual words were "why would I talk to a dr about this"!!!!

So here I am, stuck in a dictatorship more than a partnership. We have an uneasy truce at the moment, but I know i can't be who she wants me to be, and she can't be what I want her to be.

I am starting a new business this week which I'm excited about. She is also starting a business in 3 months, so she'll be handing in her notice. I'm wondering if I make moves now about insisting on seeing the Dr's for the vaccinations, and likely signal the end to the relationship now, or wait till she's handed in her notice? I feel like we'll have more parity then. Also her business has not been researched well at all, has huge overheads compared to mine. I could be in a better position than her come 3-4months, for the first time in like 7-8 years.

I love my wife, i love my family, but I have to realistic. I don't think I'll can protect my children AND save this marriage due to her attitude & beliefs.

Any advice, thoughts?