Contemplating

BureauBrownTown · 2024-10-30T21:02:28+00:00

Thanks to everyone. Extremely helpful info here.

Expert-Raccoon6097 · 2024-10-28T19:05:25+00:00

Just use your state calculator and plug in the figures. This is what the court will use.

Exactly65536 · 2024-10-28T12:56:38+00:00

I'm in a kind of similar situation, and we are discussing as a possible arrangement to have an account for the kid, and contribute to it proportional to our incomes. Currently we earn about the same, so at the moment it will be 50:50; but if I was 17% ahead, I'd pay 17% more.

If you consider spousal support, then make the calculation after it. But I don't think 100:85 merits a spousal support.

Is0prene · 2024-10-28T05:28:00+00:00

Mediation can be a good tool for people that are on good terms. Its far less costly than traditional hire attorneys and go to court divorce. Usually cost around $5k total that you would split the bill with your ex on. Its what we attempted to do before she went nutzo and went into mediation asking for everything under the sun. If you have a good mediator they will put anything you want into your decree for you as long as you both agree and they wont pick any side to be on, but will interject when one person is asking for something not realistic. They will also recommend things based on what most people do.

Alimony is usually half of the difference of your income and the duration depends on how long you were both married. So there is 15K difference in income, so most states would make you pay 7.5k yearly. If you were married for 10 years or longer I would guess you would pay anywhere for around 18 months to 3 years. Notice how feminists will go completely silent on the topic of alimony... suddenly making it on their own in the world anymore doesn't seem so enticing.

Anyway, hope everything works out for you and your ex doesn't go batshit crazy.

Gattsama · 2024-10-28T04:58:54+00:00

Summary: Divorce has 4 separate parts to work out

- Asset/debt division

-Spousal support

-Child custody / child residency / child support

Division of assets / debts: Unless you agree otherwise ALL communal assets AND debts are split 50/50. She has a credit card she never told you about and never used, in theory that's 50% your debt. Same with retirement accounts. The goal is a 50/50 split not that everything is split. Add up all assets, subtract all debts, divide by two. That's what you each get.

Eg. You have $200k of home equity, $100k in 401k, $50k of cash and $40k of combined debt. So that's $310k or $155k each. But say you want to keep your retirement account. No problem, you can agree to give her an extra $50k or equity; OR take the entire $40k of debt + $10k of equity. Etc. It just all needs to add up. However, you can negotiate anything you want, the courts don't care; if you can not come up with your own solution than the 50/50 is the default.

Spousal support: This varies from state to state. Check what the laws are in your state. Not everyone qualifies and if you make $100k and she makes $85k in some states there would be zero. Two variables: length and amount. Have to check what's normal in your state. A general rule of thumb is length is 1/3-1/2 the during of the marriage; and amount is to make 1/3-1/2 delta income. So for example (worst case in my state) you make $100k and she makes $85k. Delta $15k. So you owe here $5-7.5k/yr = $416-625/mo. That would be worst case in my state, but again could be zero.

Children: Child custody (aim for 50/50) this decides how much you each 'own' the children. But then there is child residency = where the kids sleep each night. Child support normally is tied to residency, which is based on the number of midnights per month each parent has the child. This can get ugly, because you can have 50/50 custody, but only residency every other weekend (ie 26 nights with mom, 4 nights with day per month). So many women fight for extra nights because it results in extra money. And that money is often NOT spent on the child, but to support mommy.

Child support in theory is owed to each parent when the children are not with them. The state calculates a number, divides this by 30 and assigns it based on the number of midnights. BUT then doesn't make the other party pay.

Eg. Let's say the court formula is that child support should be $300/mo (just to make the math easy) or $10/day. If you have the kids 50/50 then there is NO child support because you each owe $150 per month, it washes out. If you are a every other weekend day, then she would be owe $260 and she would owe you $40. HOWEVER the court wouldn't order this. Instead they would order you to pay $220 to her each month (you get a 'credit' for what she owes you).

You can see how child residency can get ugly if money becomes a prime concern (for either party). Most people prefer 50/50 custody and residency. For residency popular options are 7/7 (7 days with A and then 7 days with B) and 5225 (5 days with A, 2 days with B, 2 days with A, 5 days with B).

Research as much as you can about your state (and county). Read the FAQS from a few attorneys in your area. Make a list of questions (the more specific the better). Many attorneys will do a 30-60min free consultation prior to signing, ask your questions then. Talk to a few then pick who you like best. In an ideal world, you would keep them on reserve. Then you then STBX workout a plan yourselfs do that. Consider mediation, multiple services exist. They will help you go through all the needed details, provide feedback, write it all up, have an attorney review it. Then you sign off, it's filed, and done. In theory could be $500-2k total. But if either party is unworkable, call up the attorney and prepare for the shit show to follow...

Good luck and stay safe.

Top_Pass4782 · 2024-10-28T03:35:16+00:00

which state are u going to file for divorce? There should be source such as formula to calculate the alimony. Don’t worry, it will be fine bro

Title	Contemplating
Author	BureauBrownTown
Upvotes	2
Comments	8
Date	October 28, 2024 3:20 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1gdsril/contemplating/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/contemplating.1534080 https://theredarchive.com/post/1534080

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