Crosspost "Dating a Separated man" from /r/Divorce:

Hi there,

I hope it is okay to post in this sub, as I would really appreciate your thoughts on a situation I find myself in.

From your perspective, is it possible to build a relationship with a separated man? Or am I only setting myself up to get hurt.

Context:

  • I started dating a high school crush about 4 months ago. We had immediate chemistry (emotionally, physically...) and have been talking to each other every day since and hang out as often as we can (we live about 2 hours away from each other)
  • He has been separated for about one year, officially moved out of his place Feb 2022 (it took longer to sell their home than they anticipated)
  • They share custody of their dog, and as such see each other once a week, and seemingly talk at least a few times a week.
  • She broke off the relationship, saying she "didn't love him anymore", which came as a surprise to him. However, when he discusses their relationship he says that his sexual needs were not met as she had an extremely low sex drive (so I'm not sure how it was such a shock to him that they weren't working out)
  • I asked him "if she came to you genuinely wanting to reconcile, would you consider it?" and he told me "Absolutely not. Her telling me she didn't love me anymore were the darkest days of my life and I have worked hard to move forward and I plan on staying the course."
    • He seems able to discuss anything about the relationship without seeming overly emotional, and told me that he will tell me anything that I want to know about it.

So my question(s) to you is:

  • Based on your experiences with separation / divorce, is it possible that we can build something together, or is it more likely that this is too new / messy and they are likely to at least attempt to reconcile?
    • Even if his ex doesn't truly want him back, I know that when we see our ex "moving on" (aka with me), they suddenly seem all shiny and new again, and she may try to get him back.
  • What are some red flags I should be looking out for / is there any other advice you think I should know?

Thank you so much for your time. I really like this person, but I am so scared that I'm being naive and just setting myself up to get hurt.

Posted by Teenie--Weenie | 9 September 2022 | Link