tldr: its just a rant but here's something that keeps me going:

Little by little...a little becomes alot.

Guilt is hard. Even if I apologize for all my mistakes and short comings I feel like it just won't matter. Apologizing not because I want to get her back but because I'm not going to sit here and act like I was perfect and didn't do anything wrong. Congrats, you're just self-righteous. Here's your gold star for being most moral or ethical or empathetic or whatever else you try and tell yourself to feel better than her! 100 more and you can get a pity handjob from alllllll the chicks knocking down your door.

I'm not perfect. I absolutely made mistakes. What I can't stomach is just how much it won't matter. I don't want to hate her but at the same time...if I dont...I'll just continue to get taken advantage of. You gonna sit here and act like you didnt take advantage of her in some ways?

Just what the fuck am I supposed to do. Become a narcissist and just crush her so overwhelmingly that she knows not to even think of trying me again? Ruin her so significantly that she has no way of ever retaliating against me...he impotently fantasized from his parents house. How tf is that ok? We have kids together. Cool example you'll set for them. insert something that highlights the difference between battles and wars here

If I acted the way she does she would just use that to continue to fuel her behavior. Or her dicorcee friends would. Or her mom...WHO LITERALLY DID THIS ALL TO HER DAD BUT YOU DIDNT SEE THAT FOR THE RED FLAG IT ABSOLUTELY WAS! If I dont...I continue to feel weak. Uh...acktshually nobody MAKES you feel anything. Just pretend to be confident even when you absolutely don't and don't worry about how that could be a slippery slope. Also, you worry too much, my guy.

Get more wealth...cool...she'll just take me to court and get more cs. She will permanently get to benefit off of me and will sleep soundly every night no matter what. What...you're gonna win the lottery tomorrow, big boy? She'll convince the kids that I am soley to blame for all this because they are nothing more than objects she can use to prove just how good/right she is and how bad/wrong I am. Now smile for the camera so I can show all of my social media just how happy and wonderful everything is for me now! Dont let the kids comments like, "I wish you and mommy still lived together" get to you, champ! Kids are resilient! They'll also get to forever be stuck in the middle. You're welcome kids. P.S. here's new daddy that is soo much better than deadbeat daddy. I'm going to pull the same tricks on him...teehee. It's an absolute win-win. But don't you dare stay in a victim mindset. Take action! Be a man! Just try harder! Or roll over and die. Either way...doesnt matter. Try not think about the absolute hell you're in. Look, don't hate the snake for being a snake...go find a new snake! This time just know it's a snake! P.S. some snakes come with their own babies and spending money on another man's offspring is dumb af. Snakes with no babies definitely won't hate that a portion of your $$ goes to a different Snake. Snakes with no babies also totally love taking care of another Snakes babies. You can def find a new Snake with no kids of their own that will absolutely love the experience of having another Snakes kids around. Also...and you're going to love this...they're not all snakes.

Write this out and delete it several times while you struggle with, "What are you even trying to say?!" "You know she'd be laughing her ass off if she knew you were ranting about her like this.""Mfer you just sound bitter.""You're just a scared little kid that doesn't want to face reality."